Childs room at dads house

[MamaSun]

My child is co parented. His dad has three kids by his new wife. The three by new wife have reasonable bedrooms. When my son visits his room is more like a storage space. Blankets, suitcases, bits and bobs everywhere. Not a real bedroom. I am annoyed that he doesn't have a proper room or dedicated space to feel at home. I have not mentioned it to dad but my son mentioned his room to me. Hopefully they're just decorating. Just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

I would talk to his dad and ask what the situation is. I think in custody arrangements there has to be a proper sleeping space for a child. Your child is the oldest?

Why would you not mention it? It doesn’t have to be an accusation or a confrontation. Just ‘x had mentioned to me that he’s a little upset that the other children have nicer bedrooms than him and he’s feeling left out, would it be possible to allow him to clear and decorate it’?

Instead of just hoping they are decorating why not ask them. Then you know its a temporary situation if they say no thats just how his room is kept then mention that your child is a bit disappointed their room is a bit of a storage space rather than a nice room like his half siblings.

Mention it, if the child doesn't have his own space there no overnight stays, it's meant to be his home too! My ex tried to get away with this shit

Yes he's the eldest

How often does he go and hold old is he? Would you be happy with him sharing a room with one of the other kids? Just trying to get the bigger picture.

My DD is from my first marriage and is with us half the time. I have two further DSs with now DH who are with us all the time. They ALL have a lovely bedroom each and there's no way either myself or DD's step dad would have it any other way. When she is with us, she is treated exactly the same as my two DSs. Agree with other posters that you should talk to your exDH. Children don't choose these situations and we've made sure to ensure my DD doesn't feel left out or not as loved as her half brothers

How old is your child?

How are you co-parenting if you can't have a word in his ear, that your son mentioned this?

It’s a tough one. Yes of course the kid should feel welcome in the second home but we also read a lot of threads here where they get the smallest bedroom or share with somebody as they don’t live in the home full time. It’s hard to set aside a whole bedroom, which needs to be paid for all month long to then be used for two weekends a month. Many families have space problems especially I. This country where houses are so extremely small. My partners two kids share when they are here. No way would we fund two rooms to sit empty most of the time, one is enough and of course we use it in other ways when they aren’t here.

Maybe mention it instead of brewing over it and see if they can move the suitcases I to the loft or something? To create a better atmosphere? But you can’t expect one kid to have two full size fully furnished rooms, one in the main residence is enough

I don't understand why people go on to have children with other partners unless they can provide properly for their first children.

As often mentioning things causes world war three. So I've come to accept I can't dictate or expect specific things from the other parent. Only warmth food and clothes. That aside I have no say. Which is why I won't mention for now unless my son tells me that it gets him down. At this point he's only showed me on facetime and said " Mum look at what's in my room"

At least he has a room there and his own private space to sleep. They have 3 kids themselves so I imagine storage space being limited. It makes perfect sense to store things in a room that’s used the least e.g by his child that doesn’t live there. It sounds like your both trying to make an issue out of nothing to be honest.

How old is he?

Agreed, especially as the OP says her ex has three more children with his new partner

Sounds like you're making a drama over nothing. You've said yourself he has a room there. I can't imagine many kids giving a stuff about a suitcase and blankets?! My own kids have got suitcases stored on top of wardrobes in their rooms and I don't think they've ever even noticed. Stop trying to make a big deal out of nothing for your sons sake.

I suppose it entirely depends on what your son said when he showed you/how it makes him feel. If he feels sad then mention it to your ex, if they are a reasonable. It could just be a space issue and if your son is only there every other weekend there isn’t any point dedicating a whole room to him.

I slept on a futon in my teen years that was in my dads office. It had a few of my teddies on it but I was quite resentful of it, made me feel like they could just fold me away and pretend I didn’t exist the rest of the time, but then i wasn’t there often enough to have my own proper space.

Of course you should say something if it's bothering you and DC. Just because there'll be an argument isn't a reason not to uphold standards for your DC.

There'll be loads of arguments over the years about many things, so what, fight for what you believe in for your DC.

Yes I sort of think this depending on how bad it is. If they need the space no amount of you complaining will change that - this is the sort of thing that just ends up needing to happen when you have a child that rarely visits taking up a room. The stuff needs to go somewhere and that's the only space that isn't needed for other things the vast majority of the time. You make an effort to tuck it under the bed as much as possible but yeah, it happens.

Depending on his age, perhaps eg if heMs over 10 you could support him to find a way to ask his dad to do up his room
A but maybe a text or letter to dad or practice what he could say to him?

We went through court and when I mentioned that the kids literally have a bed in a bare bedroom, Cafcass said it was perfectly adequate because it was clean and had bedding. It's so sad that some NRP can get away with not bothering to make it feel like home for the children. You'd think they'd want to be the "Disney dad" or whatever, and make their house nicer!

That's so shitty OP, I would mention it to your Ex, he's prioritising the other children over your child and that not on. If he gets defensive or blows up that just confirms that he's a prick and karma will catch up with him when his child stops wanting to stay there