What would you do re nursery or nanny...

[dau]

I am basically alone in looking after my children. I am married, but my husband is literally around one day a week because of work.

In any case, I work full time from home with the occasional work trip, where I'm away a few nights. ( maybe once a quarter I need to do this ).

I have a 3 year old in term time nursery 3 days a week and a 1 year old, I have had a nanny for.

I'm not happy with the nanny situation for many reasons and it's also really expensive which makes it even more difficult to reconcile that I'm not happy with how much effort my nanny has been putting in.

I'm thinking of sending both of them to nursery full time. I'm just wondering how much more difficult this will be for me and if anyone has any advice and experience ?

The benefits are that at least my home will be child free while I work and perhaps my little one being in a nursery environment could impact his development positively. I will also have more money to save. I'm currently paying 3 k a month to the nanny. This would be halved, by sending him to nursery. I would also save money on food, as I wouldn't be feeding him plus nanny every day ( apart from breakfast and dinner ). I would also save money on the nanny taking him / my older one on trips out. I also wouldn't have someone in my home every day and would have a bit more space to myself I guess.

The cons are that there is no flexibility in nursery, so if he's sick, I can't send him and need to take time off work. When I have work trips I somehow will need to manage / beg my in laws to help me or beg my mum to fly in to help me out. The other con is that I won't see him as much. Now I do see him during the day sometimes when I have lunch with him etc. I'll have to get both kids ready every morning and do a school run for both, plus pick them both up. ( the nanny has been doing pick up so far ). My older one will need to attend after school club and breakfast club, which will add to the cost of childcare. She will also need to attend holiday clubs.

I have my nanny only from 9-5 and occasionally she covers when I go on work trips. It's nice to know someone is there when I might be in need. There will be none of that it they both go to nursery.

I feel after writing this all down, the nanny does provide more of a support network to my family. I want to do what's best for my children and my family, but I am just not sure whether nursery is best or a nanny ( maybe a different one ) is best.

The main issues are practical. Can you cope with taking time off if your children are sick? Young kids get sick often. Nurseries won't take them when they are ill. Can you manage the drop offs and pick ups with your work? Do you have family who can help out when you go away?
If the answer is yes then of course you are paying a lot for just an easier life. Can you afford the nanny for an easier life?

Would you consider a different nanny? Or is it just the whole nanny set up or the particular nanny you are just not gelling with?

if you WFH though bear in mind that that can be a difficult set up for a nanny (I am one)

Your child will be sick constantly the first winter. However after this they will have a decent immune system and by the time they go to school they won't be off as much.

How far away is nursery at rush hour and how long will it take you to do the nursery runs?

Is your baby clingy, do you think they would settle at nursery?

Obviously work trips will be impossible without family support so I'd do a trial run of how that's going to work - give the nanny a holiday next time you're away and see how your family find it before they commit to it. If they can't or won't help then I don't think you will have a choice- either nanny stays, you don't go on work trips, or your husband commits to taking annual leave whenever he is off (which given he is away 90pc of the time is the least he could do really)

If you really think family will step in when you have work trips and you can cope with sickness, then I personally think nursery is better. Bear in mind that family might think they will be there to support but the reality might actually be quite different. Also, kids get sick at nursery a LOT - how will you manage? Mine were sick fortnightly at least.

I also think it's quite hard to have kids in the house as you are working (even with a nanny) so I can understand the relief at them being at nursery.

Cost wise, nursery will provide toys, paints, play doh, activities and so on that are different from home toys - this is an advantage I think. There are also other kids to play with.

I'd stick with the nanny for another year. You'd have to ask your in-laws in advance how much help they would give, it could be as much as a few times a month and how old are they/vulnerable etc. Sort out the issues with your nanny. Is she due time off? You could ask your in-laws to babysit and see what a difference your mornings are like.

I think I should be able to work around the sickness. I managed to do it with my first child, without missing out on that much work. She was ill constantly. Every week really. As I work from home and I also have a flexible schedule, it won't be easy but it should be doable.

Also my second one has been ill a lot from his sister already, so hopefully it won't be as intense. My first was a lockdown baby who'd had one cold before she started nursery !

In terms of when I go away, my husband will just have to take time off if no one else can help.