to think such a fwb is actually a real relationship?

mabelgetsme · 2023-08-06T13:24:19+00:00

Do you think that a supposed fwb relationship where the 2 parties have been exclusively involved with each other for 6 years now, where neither party seems interested in anyone else and both seem to adore each other is effectively just an actual long term relationship at this point?

8lue8irds · 06/08/2023 14:36

Possibly in one of their minds. It would make me question whether that person liked the other one more if the subject of a relationship was not being broached. I would also expect there to have been discussions about this.

Original poster

mabelgetsme · 06/08/2023 14:42

@8lue8irds I think it was that when they first hooked up there were various reasons to keep it on the down low, an 11 age gap (him 30 her 19) and he knew her since she was 14, he was friends with her ex, both expected it to be a short term thing. At this point I think most people know they are together.

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Original poster

mabelgetsme · 06/08/2023 14:47

Just to clarify they are 25 and 36 now!

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castlesandsand · 06/08/2023 14:54

Could well be. I know a fwb couple who now have kids and are married. It does happen.

StillPerplexed · 06/08/2023 15:08

After six years I'd probably want to make the relationship public!

longwayoff · 06/08/2023 15:10

That depends on what your fwb thinks. Ask him/her.

Original poster

mabelgetsme · 06/08/2023 15:13

@StillPerplexed Yeah that is what he wants to do and more.

@longwayoff Not me my friends

I posted on here but its the wrong board, posting on relationships about it now with more info.

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Idrankyourbananamilk · 06/08/2023 15:14

I would think there was a power imbalance in the relationship given the age of the woman when they met and then the age of the woman when they first became fwb. It would be easy for the woman to feel this was a proper relationship, when the man was actually just happy to have sex and company on tap with no commitment.

I could be wrong obviously. He could be openly living with her, taking her to family dinners, introducing her as his partner, going on holiday with her and having a joint life with joint expenses. But I would suspect none of that is happening, and it’s not a long term relationship at all.

Original poster

mabelgetsme · 06/08/2023 15:18

Idrankyourbananamilk · 06/08/2023 15:14

I would think there was a power imbalance in the relationship given the age of the woman when they met and then the age of the woman when they first became fwb. It would be easy for the woman to feel this was a proper relationship, when the man was actually just happy to have sex and company on tap with no commitment.

I could be wrong obviously. He could be openly living with her, taking her to family dinners, introducing her as his partner, going on holiday with her and having a joint life with joint expenses. But I would suspect none of that is happening, and it’s not a long term relationship at all.

Sorry I really didn't give enough info at first and have now posted on the relationships forum.

In this case he wants more, to live together, marriage, a baby etc and she is acting like its all some big shock when most people who knew them have seen all this coming for a long time. Basically its time for her to accept they are together and take that seriously or let the poor guy go.

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Mari9999 · 06/08/2023 15:25

@mabelgetsme
I think that it stays the way that it is - FWB, because that is the way that one or both of the parties wants it to be.

Maybe there isn't as much adoration or exclusivity as you looking at it from the outside might think.

Why are you trying to place a label on the relationship that the 2_people don't seem to need to change?

Gerrataere · 06/08/2023 15:28

mabelgetsme · 06/08/2023 14:42

@8lue8irds I think it was that when they first hooked up there were various reasons to keep it on the down low, an 11 age gap (him 30 her 19) and he knew her since she was 14, he was friends with her ex, both expected it to be a short term thing. At this point I think most people know they are together.

Sorry but that’s not a FWB situation. It’s pretty gross in all honesty. The age gap now is fine(ish) but a 30 using a teenager for sex when they knew her from the age of 14? How much was he involved in her life from 14? If I was her I’d not be considering if this was a relationship and more if she’d been groomed…

Original poster

mabelgetsme · 06/08/2023 15:30

Gerrataere · 06/08/2023 15:28

Sorry but that’s not a FWB situation. It’s pretty gross in all honesty. The age gap now is fine(ish) but a 30 using a teenager for sex when they knew her from the age of 14? How much was he involved in her life from 14? If I was her I’d not be considering if this was a relationship and more if she’d been groomed…

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Sorry I posted in the wrong place. I started a thread in relationships.

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Gerrataere · 06/08/2023 15:32

mabelgetsme · 06/08/2023 15:30

Sorry I posted in the wrong place. I started a thread in relationships.

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Want me to post on there that it sounds like she was groomed as well 🤨

Original poster

mabelgetsme · 06/08/2023 15:44

Gerrataere · 06/08/2023 15:32

Want me to post on there that it sounds like she was groomed as well 🤨

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Ok, She nor I think she was groomed, they were in the same hobby group when she was in her early teens (battle reenactment society), he was a more senior member they are not close then as she was 14 and he was 25. She did date a guy who was 2 years older then her in the same group for 2 years from 14 to 16 who is now a good friend of her now fwb/boyfriend. After she broke up with her first boyfriend she didn't attend said group to concentrate on her exams and getting into uni. The when she got to 18 and in first year at uni she did sometimes socialise with her old hobby group friends gigs and pub and this is how she ended up hooking up with the older guy she is with now. He wasn't really close to her until she was 19.

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uhOhOP · 06/08/2023 19:21

This man keeps awfully young company. Not only the 19-year-old in question he's known since she was 14, but also her ex-boyfriend, who would have been 18 when he became the ex.

Mari9999 · 06/08/2023 20:59

@mabelgetsme

What outcome are you trying to accomplish? This cast of characters all.seem oblivious to age gaps but you acknowledge that. What do you think should happen with these people? Why aren't you content to leave them to their own devices?