Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use my divorce settlement to travel the uk by motorhome

82 replies

beanii · 06/08/2023 13:37

So I'm just about to get my share of our jointly owned house following our divorce.

I'm 48 and I've remarried and feel is rather spend some of the money on taking a year or two out and travelling the UK by motorhome whilst I can - but part of me feels guilty as this isn't the 'norm' and should do the sensible thing and put it towards another house etc 🤷‍♀️

Having been through a toxic upbringing and then a long toxic marriage, ice realised life is short.

So am I being unreasonable to take a year or two out?

OP posts:
Testina · 07/08/2023 15:48

How are we defining “fair share” @beanii ?
Have you always been a net contributor, or have been for long enough to cover the years when you weren’t? Including building up enough “fair” contribution for expensive things like spinal surgery?

Original poster
beanii · 07/08/2023 15:48

OnaHotTinRoofNow · 07/08/2023 15:26

Put all plans on hold till after surgery, you would be looking at next spring at the earliest anyway.

We plan to motor home but we have a house and DS will live in it to look after it while away. Plan is 1 year UK traversing the entire coast and then Europe.

Have you been in a motorhome? they are currently very expensive due to demand. We are hiring one and seeing how we get on, I would suggest you do this. We have been researching them over the last few weeks and if you do buy one take your time.

I assume your new DH can make a contribution to all this, is he is similar age to you and any assets at all?

Oh definitely not rushing anything - the house hasn't sold yet, so would at least be this time next year.

Yes my husband would contribute too 😊

And yes, been in a motorhome too.

OP posts:
Original poster
beanii · 07/08/2023 15:49

Testina · 07/08/2023 15:48

How are we defining “fair share” @beanii ?
Have you always been a net contributor, or have been for long enough to cover the years when you weren’t? Including building up enough “fair” contribution for expensive things like spinal surgery?

Paid in full since I was 16 - no missing years. No sick pay or similar until my current £84 a week.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 07/08/2023 15:50

Ah that's my total dream OP. So obviously I think you should do it Grin

Testina · 07/08/2023 15:51

“Please explain how it is racist?

Being annoyed that people can claim so much without paying a penny in or illegally being here? “

Your racism shows as soon as you start calling refused asylum seekers “illegal immigrants” and equating them with people who choose not to work - given that they actually don’t have the choice. Maybe on your grand tour you can educate yourself?

Original poster
beanii · 07/08/2023 15:51

gamerchick · 07/08/2023 15:50

Ah that's my total dream OP. So obviously I think you should do it Grin

Life is short isn't it.

Quite surprised about the amount of bitter people on here 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
beanii · 07/08/2023 15:52

Testina · 07/08/2023 15:51

“Please explain how it is racist?

Being annoyed that people can claim so much without paying a penny in or illegally being here? “

Your racism shows as soon as you start calling refused asylum seekers “illegal immigrants” and equating them with people who choose not to work - given that they actually don’t have the choice. Maybe on your grand tour you can educate yourself?

Still haven't said how it's racist. What Race am I discriminating against?

OP posts:
Testina · 07/08/2023 15:52

beanii · 07/08/2023 15:49

Paid in full since I was 16 - no missing years. No sick pay or similar until my current £84 a week.

Show quote history

That’s not what I asked.
I asked whether you’d been a net contributor long enough to pay for everything you’ve had from the state.

Original poster
beanii · 07/08/2023 15:54

Testina · 07/08/2023 15:52

That’s not what I asked.
I asked whether you’d been a net contributor long enough to pay for everything you’ve had from the state.

Show quote history

Well I'd say I've paid a lot more than most people wouldn't you?

But then on the next breath you're happy using everything without paying a penny so I'm sure you'll agree that 32 full years is sufficient.

OP posts:
Testina · 07/08/2023 15:55

“Still haven't said how it's racist. What Race am I discriminating against?”

Well, I’ll apologise if all of the refused asylum seekers that you casually, perjoratively and wrongly call “illegal immigrants” living it up in a 2 star 😆 hotel on £47.39 a week spends are white…?

Original poster
beanii · 07/08/2023 15:59

Testina · 07/08/2023 15:55

“Still haven't said how it's racist. What Race am I discriminating against?”

Well, I’ll apologise if all of the refused asylum seekers that you casually, perjoratively and wrongly call “illegal immigrants” living it up in a 2 star 😆 hotel on £47.39 a week spends are white…?

I'm against failed asylum seekers being put up in hotels at £1k PER WEEK, fed, clothed, healthcare, spends etc when they've been refused asylum. They should be deported on refusal.

As I stated I also think that anyone British who chooses not to work should also not have everything handed on a plate.

So no, not racist - I just believe that people should work for what they're entitled to - as I have.

OP posts:
Testina · 07/08/2023 16:03

beanii · 07/08/2023 15:54

Well I'd say I've paid a lot more than most people wouldn't you?

But then on the next breath you're happy using everything without paying a penny so I'm sure you'll agree that 32 full years is sufficient.

Show quote history

“A lot more than most people”?

Most likely not. You’re only 48 and we have an ageing population so rough guess 50% of people 49 and above have paid in more than you.

And you are avoiding saying whether you’re a net contributor.

It’s perfectly legitimate to hold the view that those who can pay taxes to the state should, at the same time as believing in a decent and humane asylum seeking process.

Cantstaystuckforever · 07/08/2023 16:08

M4J4 · 07/08/2023 11:48

As for planning for retirement, who knows if I'll still be alive? What happens to people who haven't paid in or saved up? Not left destitute on the streets are they 🤷‍♀️😂

No, because they rely on tax payers to pay their rent.

Yes this.
Being poor as a pensioner is absolutely miserable - and there will be even less to go around in future. If your DH is an author, does he have savings or some other backup?
I do think you should travel, but not spunk away the entire settlement on it, 6 months in Europe may well be cheaper as well as more scenic and cultural, and allow you to invest some or keep as a nest egg for difficult times.

CherryMaDeara · 07/08/2023 16:19

Testina · 07/08/2023 15:51

“Please explain how it is racist?

Being annoyed that people can claim so much without paying a penny in or illegally being here? “

Your racism shows as soon as you start calling refused asylum seekers “illegal immigrants” and equating them with people who choose not to work - given that they actually don’t have the choice. Maybe on your grand tour you can educate yourself?

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

CherryMaDeara · 07/08/2023 16:21

beanii · 07/08/2023 15:51

Life is short isn't it.

Quite surprised about the amount of bitter people on here 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Aren’t you the bitter one, begrudging poor people a roof over their head?

My tax is funding you on SSP and refugees, and I’m happy with both, so if anyone is bitter, it’s not me 🤷🏻‍♀️

gogomoto · 07/08/2023 16:31

@beanii

Go for it, I'm using mine to travel around the world - can't go yet because of work commitments (my now dp has 5 years left before retirement, then we head off)

Doingtheboxerbeat · 07/08/2023 16:31

Op, I was fully on your side about everything until you brought up the hotel thing 🫣. I think when you are claiming benefits , it is really bad form to punch down at others in a worse situation than yours - you should know better. Very bad form and I was honestly rooting for you 😥.

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 07/08/2023 16:33

Go for it, life's way too short, travelling in a camper around the uk is great fun, we've only done 2-5 weeks at a time, but our country is beautiful, our coast lines are stunning, so are our castles. Sounds like you deserve the fun, and if your other half is an author, think of the inspiration he will get from the experience for his writing, sounds perfect to me!

moderndilemma · 07/08/2023 16:50

Whatever you decide to do, please be responsible in how and where you camp. There are so many areas of our wonderful countryside that have been destroyed by careless camping. Recently, a place in the Scottish islands where so many campervans were in the parking place at a cemetery that there was no space for the mourners.

animalprintfree · 07/08/2023 16:58

Doingtheboxerbeat · 07/08/2023 16:31

Op, I was fully on your side about everything until you brought up the hotel thing 🫣. I think when you are claiming benefits , it is really bad form to punch down at others in a worse situation than yours - you should know better. Very bad form and I was honestly rooting for you 😥.

Same here. What a disappointing development…

WoolyMammoth55 · 07/08/2023 18:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

EffortlessDesmond · 07/08/2023 21:20

If you have paid your taxes and saved for your personal choices, and have a home to return to, then fine. If you splurge everything on a grand trip and come home to claim benefits, I think you are delusional.

EffortlessDesmond · 07/08/2023 21:20

You don't mention your timeframe either...

Sigmama · 07/08/2023 21:24

Life is short said the asylum seeker looking for a better life

LegendsBeyond · 07/08/2023 21:27

If you don’t own a home or have a good pension, then no. You really need to get a pension & plan how you’ll fund your retirement.