To think people are always better at arms length?

[SnobblyBobbly]

I have a friend of we'll say 15 years because that's how long I've known her, but close really for the past few years.

My husband was very unwell, still is really and this friend was/is a fantastic support. Would pick the kids up if needed - she just made it part of her routine to collect them once a month which really helped me with hospital appointments etc and meant I didn't have to ask different people every time.

She'd pop in once a week for a cup of tea with me too and it was perfect.

I also take her for lunch one a month and get her the odd gift as a Thankyou for all she does as I find it very difficult to accept help - although it's always a battle to pay for it as she

Sorry I accidentally posted!

Anyway, as time has gone on, my friend has also come to need my support as she is going through a divorce. However she is becoming increasingly stubborn and complicated to talk to - very defensive and some of the choices she is making are very obviously adding stress and drama to her situation (I.e. contacting ex's family although they've asked her not to). So I'll say 'Oh I wouldn't bother if I were you.' Or I'll ask her if she thinks they'll take it well if she turns up there etc. and then she won't talk to me for days.

She's also spending money like crazy on strange things for people who aren't that close to her and don't really warrant that level of expense. I don't say much because it's up to her but the whole thing has become very erratic.

I want to help her and be there for her as she has for me, but its exhausting.

I find this so often with people that everything starts off nice and fine and then it all goes weird the more I get to know them.

I really thought we had a good balance in our friendship but it's becoming really stressful.

Sounds like she was there for you but you don't want to be there for her? As she's acting too strange.

People's needs are not equally balanced. OP's friend may even be having a breakdown or have bipolar or other mental health issues.

You do what you can OP but don't beat yourself up if you can't help her the same way she helped you. Don't offer advise unless asked. Just be there and help if asked