To think BIL is being a CF?

[Bumblerina]

I'm aware as I'm typing this that this is a very minor issue in the grand scheme of things. It may be tiredness talking but I'm just really frustrated with BIL

DD(5) used to stay at MILs house quite regularly to give us a bit of a break when she was little as I have health issues, but this stopped about 2 years ago. She has been begging to stay again ever since but it never worked out. Now DD is in school there isn't really a practical time that she can stay with MIL during term time, but MIL promised months ago that DD could stay one night in mid August as she has a week off of work. So DD has been really excited for weeks about this. I've also been looking forward to it in all honesty as I've recently lost a family member very suddenly and I'm exhausted so could really use the rest.

Today we went to MILs for dinner and she said that BIL(23) has said that he doesn't want DD to stay as he stays up playing video games and on call to his friends all night (usually shouting and swearing) and he will likely wake her as she would be in the next room. I can't help but be annoyed by this as surely the logical answer is don't stay up all night shouting? It's not as if DD is going to be staying again any time soon and surely he could go one night? Neither me or DH can ask BIL about this as he actively refuses to be in the same room as us due to a falling out he had with SIL around 8 months ago.

MIL has said she is happy to have DD for the day, but she will have to bring back DD at bedtime. Am I being unreasonable or is BILs excuse as pathetic as I think it is.

Although I don’t like arsehole BIL getting his own way, I’d mitigate the child’s disappointment by getting her to host the sleepover, with grandmother coming to yours. Might give your husband time after bedtime to tell his mum that her other son is an abusive prick.

I wouldn't want my child in the same house as him. He sounds absolutely vile

I don't understand why your daughter can't stay there on the occasional weekend.

Sorry, it's just that your daughter used to stay there regularly, so I assume distance isn't an issue.

Can she have a bed on the floor in her grannies room

I said YABU because I wouldn't want DC going there as things stand. Your MIL allows this in her home so ultimately it's down to her, although your BIL is a dick. If it's really about time spent together you need to find an option away from her home, either at yours or a night away.

Your BIL is a pathetic failure of a man, isn’t he?

Sounds like your mil has domestic abuse issues in her own home.
The poor woman can’t even divorce the him.
The best you could do is explain to her how it would be in her son’s best interest to become independent sooner rather than later and go through the process of evicting him.

In all honesty I think DD stopped staying as she got to around 3 because she was becoming a bit of an handful for MIL. She never quite said that but there was the odd comment "maybe when you're a bit bigger". She is local to us but admittedly she has a very busy week with long working hours, and one day at the weekend helps with childcare of DN as SILs ExH left her with a newborn and she works full-time. So we don't want to add the additional pressure of DD staying when she hardly gets a break as is.

I think my frustration comes from the promising that DD could stay for months only to change her mind last minute because it inconveniences BIL. Admittedly when DD last stayed we were on talking terms with BIL, who still stayed up all night playing games and shouting but had the decency to atleast try and keep it down while she was there. He clearly has no intention now.

It wouldn't make any difference for DD to stay in MILs room as BILs room is in the middle of MILs and the spare room. He doesn't care that he keeps MIL up at night. DH is going to talk to MIL today about staying at ours instead.

Also, when I said Im exhausted and I need a break, DH does just as much with DD as I do. But he works long hours and I'm drained from trying to minimise my grieving at the moment. But even if that wasn't the case, I was looking forward to being able to have a little bit of space knowing that I wouldn't be woken to my child suddenly singing at the volume of a foghorn at 6 am.

Your poor MIL

Ask your MIL or Bil to break the news to your child
They both sound weak
Your poor child though