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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a red flag 🚩

26 replies

Cuppateaa · 05/08/2023 21:50

If you were dating as a single parent and the guy you were speaking too said he would love to meet my DD and saying he thinks she will be a cutie like her mum. This is before we have met up. I do actually know of him but it’s been years since I last saw him and it was just a mutual friends thing back then. Is he just trying to nice and accepting that I have a DC or is this a red flag 🚩

OP posts:
mistermagpie · 05/08/2023 21:55

He might just be trying to sound enthusiastic, but this would give me the ick.

MillicentBystandr · 05/08/2023 21:57

If he were brand new, yes red flag but since you guys have history not so much.

Sunnypiddle · 05/08/2023 21:58

It just sounds like a (very) clumsy way of being keen to be seen as accepting of your DC to be honest, but listen to your gut, is there anything else you're unsure about?

Barrell · 05/08/2023 21:59

I think he’s probably just trying to be nice but I wouldn’t particularly like the comment to be honest, and would put me off.

Sushibecomesme · 05/08/2023 21:59

I would be on the lookout for him being a bit much/gushy as well as the usual safeguarding diligence but I don't think it's likely to be a red flag in the way you mean.

coreas · 05/08/2023 22:02

It would put me off. It's either really weird or really badly worded. Neither of these things are attractive.

cherry2727 · 05/08/2023 22:35

He is probably trying too hard to appear accepting of your daughter however as a mother please just be weary once he has met her and ensure that her she is your priority.

JMSA · 05/08/2023 23:19

Hmm, I wouldn't love the comment. But it does sound like he sees a future with you in it.
I'd wait and see how it goes.

MaxwellCat · 05/08/2023 23:51

Would put me off

HRTQueen · 06/08/2023 00:39

Would put me off trying too hard

I never talk about ds until I know someone

INeedAnotherName · 06/08/2023 00:43

After you have met, then possibly okay but still ick inducing.

Before you've even met? Hell no, he doesn't know if you are cute or not. It's been years since you last saw him so effectively It's as though you have never met.

KateJohns · 06/08/2023 00:43

Red flag?

No, I think that's a bit much, it's more a pink.. or perhaps a pale orange.
Perhaps a nice paisley.

Reminds me of when people met my.kid when she was a baby and said things like,
"Oo isn't she beautiful, takes after her mum"
I was like .. she looks like Winston Churchill, are they saying I look like Winston Churchill missing his morning feed... 🤪

GarlicGrace · 06/08/2023 00:47

@KateJohns 😂

OP, it's teeth-grittingly normal for people to talk about girl children's cuteness, prettiness, etc. Sounds like he was just trying to be nice and sexist.

Unless you felt there was an edge to it?

Safxxx · 06/08/2023 00:48

@KateJohns

Mothership4two · 06/08/2023 01:19

Sounds like a clumsy attempt at complimenting you

steff13 · 06/08/2023 01:22

It would be a yellow flag for me. Whether it progresses to red would depend on if he pressured me to allow him to meet her before I felt it was appropriate.

Radiodread · 06/08/2023 01:24

I wouldn’t like it for two reasons… “cutie”…??? Yuck, infantilising/sexualising and more importantly ..: why did he not clock that this sort of talk is a bit cringe and could be construed as inappropriate? He doesn’t sound that switched on, which would really put me off

Thisweeksname · 06/08/2023 01:24

I think on its own it not a red flag, you’re overthinking it

lilacsinbloom · 06/08/2023 01:24

It would make the hairs on my neck and arms stand on end.

Saoirse82 · 06/08/2023 01:26

It was likely an innocent comment but it would make me uneasy and therefore a hard no.

Mummy08m · 06/08/2023 01:31

At best, he's sexist and expects girls to be pretty and smiley etc. He wouldn't have said that about a boy.

At worst...well...you've already considered the worst case scenario I think.

So overall not good. Likelihood of worst case scenario might be low, but severity is off the charts so I'd back away.

The fact he's a friend of a friend is no guarantee, I have friends of friends who have ended up arrested.

BounceyB · 06/08/2023 01:38

I wouldn't read too much into it at this stage. I'm sure the average paedophile would have a bit more sense than to make a comment like that. If you like him, see how it goes but you should approach with caution anyway.

tt9 · 06/08/2023 01:41

I say stuff like this all the time to my friends/families for children with both genders.... but I guess I am a woman so that makes a difference?

it depends on the person... is he generally a baby person? maybe he is broody?

QueenBitch666 · 06/08/2023 02:08

' Cutie? ' I'd run a mile 🤮

coxesorangepippin · 06/08/2023 02:14

Hmm, it's just a bit familiar

Plus, in my book, a bloke shouldn't want to meet the child anytime soon. At least a year I'd say

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