To hate how awesome women put up with mad nonsense from horrible sleazy men

[ForestGoblin]

My best friend is an awesome woman. I'm biased but seriously in every way. You would love her. But she has shit self esteem and always has and she's always putting up with crap from friends and family and partners because she doesn't think she deserves any better. Like, if she stands up for herself, everyone will leave.

She thinks she's in love with this dickhead man who treats her appallingly in almost every way you can think of. Lets her down at the last minute. Never buys dinner or drinks (despite a very good salary). Pressures her into sex stuff she really doesn't want to do and could seriously embarrass her professional rep if it got out or turned vitriolic (think inclusion of a third party).

I. Fucking. Hate. Him. He's a smirking goon. Thinks because he's tall and was hot twenty years ago he can treat women like crap on his shoe and gets huffy if she asks for the slightest consideration. Turns it all around on her. There's no way he isn't cheating on her. She knows this and just endures it.

I want to shake her so hard. Why is she wasting her life on this total turd of a man. Why do so many brilliant women do this!

If you are a woman like this please stop it is hurting my tummy to think about. You deserve a good and loving life.

(this sounds like I'm blaming the victim, I'm not, i want all those fucking blokes to get in the bin)

I was that woman. Well , not so sure I was amazing but I definitely put up with a lot of crap.

Why? Main reason because my mother had been emotionally abusive for years, telling me how fat I am, how stupid I am, how worthless I am, how not good enough I am. I also learned that you had to fight to be loved and prove yourself constantly. I thought silent treatment, emotional abuse and manipulation WERE signs of love . As she'd often tell me "I do/say this because I care/love you, if I didn't I'd just leave you alone. Is that what you want?".

So there you are , at 18/19/20, starving for love , subconsciously knowing you're not good enough and he's quite handsome and charming and worldly, pretty good manipulator (at least for that age group) and all your friends are swooning over him and think you should thank your lucky stars. Oh and he "understands " the abuse of your mother, takes your side , gives you a safe space. And you desperately cling to him, as breaking up is another way in which you failed and you think you love him and all that stupid bullshit. Not to mention your mother hates him, so you stay for even longer so you don't prove her right.

In the meantime the emotional abuse now continues from him, drip ,drip,drip. More ways in which you're not good enough, a fuck up, a failure. How everything is your fault. How good things would be if you only tried harder ,did x,y,z. And he must love you, because he cares? Because he used to defend you and get outraged on your behalf and take your side. He's obviously using your past to his advantage, including the silent treatment. Because he knows it sends you in a panic and this stupid, counterproductive need to please and make it stop.

Drip,drip,drip from all sides. It's not easy being fucked up.🙂

Add onto this caregiver to the older family members - including her parents - and her DH's too sometimes.

Agree @ForestGoblin The crap some women put up with is shocking. When I look back I even put up with quite a lot myself from my own DH. Just genuinely didn't see it or realise it was happening at the time. Perhaps even thought this is how it is, as many couples I knew were the same, and many women had husbands/partners who displayed 'selfish entitled arsehole' traits.

So I do kind of ALMOST understand these women.

For the record, DH is a totally different man now. Had he not changed somewhat from how he was for the first 10 years of our marriage, I would very likely have left. Some men that some women I knew were far worse! They were passive aggressive, entitled, always moody and angry, mean with money, flirted with other women a lot, did fuck-all to help in the house or with the children, were rude to her friends and family, sulked like a baby when things didn't go his way, gave her the silent treatment when she did or said something he didn't approve of, went out with his mates a lot, and spend shit loads of the family money on his 'hobbies...'

Seriously, what some women put up with over the years is really breathtaking!

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus

We.
Don't.
Need.
Men.

I am 100% sure you have always been bloody amazing actually! You totally nail it for so many of us. Solidarity.

• Some men who were with some women I knew were far worse!

I put up with my share of arse men in the past, probably because it was expected and so deeply ingrained. My own father wasn't an arse though and maybe naively I thought most would be like him.

My dsis is married to a complete bellend and she'll brag about their 25 years of marriage. He's horrible to her and she knows it and tells me but pretends that things are great between them to the outside world. It makes me sad as he has drug her down so far in life.

Women tolerate this crap because many of them still would prefer death to a lifetime of childless spinsterhood.

But these guys leave women childless spinsters anyway...

Or spread their seed around and have various babies with various women and don't financially, practically or emotionally support them. I think some men get a kick out of impregnating women and tying the women to them.

I have, no I had a friend like this. I couldn't stand to watch it anymore so we aren't friends anymore.

When he cheats for the oooh must be twentieth time she might wise up. By then she will have wasted the best years of her life on a drugged up goon.

Chrrriiiist I'd rather be a childless "spinster" (?) than shackled to some loser with a brood of his kids around my ankles.

Isn't that sad

So would I, yet the “childless spinster” is usually the one pitied by society 🤬

Yeah being in charge of your destiny is a blessing. But if someone wants a loving relationship this is the worst way to try to find it.

Also agree with the impregnation fetish guys 🤢

Agree about. Not with THEM. Obviously.