keeping a bedroom tidy

[cheekymonk]

Hi there - probably a common problem I expect. ds aged 3 has this insatiable habit of making his bedroom messy at night time before going to bed. When he is really tired, this is not usually a problem although he does tend to tip one of his drawers onto the floor before getting into bed. However, this happens more often when he has had a lenghty afternoon nap and is clearly not ready for bed at the right time. He wont settle in the lounge with us in the evening if he is not ready for bed so the only option we have is to put him to bed where he sets about making as much mess as possible. He does show an interest in tidying up the following day but only if me or dh do most of the tidying up. Yesterday I put some of his cuddly toys into the bucket and he tipped them out within five minutes before I had even left the room. This is disheartening as it is hard enough keeping the rest of the house tidy whilst attending to the constant demands of a 3 yr old.

I think a 3 year old will only ever tidy up if Mum/Dad/older sibling joins in and makes it into a game!

Do you tell him off for making the big mess? If I were you, I'd put him to bed, tell him firmly that its sleep time and he's not to get out of bed and leave the room. IF he gets out of bed and starts messing about, go back in and just put him back to bed. Continue until he learns! It will be a PITA but it should work.

Are you seriously wanting a 3 yr old to tidy up?I think that is impossible to ask He is a baby

oh, I sympathise, my ds used to do this too when he was 3. We resorted to taking everything out of his room - nothing else worked and it broke the habit.
He's 4 now and seems to have outgrown this phase.

At three my dd knew things were a mess and helped me clear up.
It was mainly me tidying and her putting one teddy in the box, but it all helps in the long run.

We did get a lot of big plastic storage boxes (from Next IRRC) which had locks on the lids so meant little hands couldn't open them and tip it everywhere, which were a godsend.

some good ideas there so far - many thanks. dh did fill two bin bags a few weeks ago with toys that had been tipped on the flood and they were only put back after a few days later. I hace tried the game idea but ds lost interest after five minutes. Rather than continue to tidy up by myself, I have left it. This was Monday. As for telling him off, this had no effect as he just kept on getting out of bed. We normally put him to bed just after 7, and he can be still awake and 'playing' after we have gone to bed at 10. dh is firmer at time but is frequently away with the navy. This makes it more of a fight, which is quite difficult when I am clearly more tired than ds

If he is tired and tips things out, but goes to bed and sleep right away, we cannot tell him off right away, so by the time morning has come, the moment has passed - leading to inconsistency.

Both my DS's (7&3) have to tidy there toys away before they go to bed, if they don't then the toys 'disappear'
DS2 (3) tidies them without being asked!

DD1 who is 3 doesn't have an afternoon nap, she goes to bed at 8 "reads" for about 10 minutes then comes and asks for her light off. If she had an afternoon nap she would up all night. DD2 has gone the same way she is still in her cot but would be up singing an hour after being put to bed, we have just stopped afternoon nap as well.

The problem I have is DD1 pulls out all her clothes during the day which drives me mad (oh and all the toys as well) we have a tidy up before stories at night though.

TBH I would cut out the afternoon nap completely so he is exhausted at bedtime. I also find I cannot relax properly until I know they are fast asleep.

I remember this with my DDs. I think you just have to accept it as a phase (yet another one!).

My DDs used to ramapage round their room for ages and get all their clothes and toys out. It eventually used to go quiet and i would creep up and find them both fast asleep on the floor, completely naked .

My DD's are nearly 7 and 8 and their rooms are like pig stys, they are totally incapable of putting anything back or picking anything up or putting rubbish in the bin.
Trying to have a tidy up before bed (or at any time) is such a stress and they drag their feet so much it gets so late.
I don't know where I went wrong!! So I'd be very interested how you got your dcs to tidy up.

This may be a silly question, but why do people mind if their dc's rooms are a mess? It's their space - it that's how they like it....!

I insist on them helping to tidy up/keep tidy the communal areas, but bedrooms are "their own private kingdom" and they can do what they like in there.

my 16 yr old dd's bedroom is a disgrace but I have given up ,it is her disgrace to be embarrassed about.If it does get a bit much I ask her to tidy before I'll give her a lift somewhere..it is in danger of being a health hazard at times.
Funnily enough she does tidy it if a friend is sleeping over.

My point in this ramble is, I am wondering if they are born like this or do we allow them to get like this.
I probably should have harped on at her more when she was 3, but I honestly don't think it would have made a difference..she is just a messy person.

But if you let them get everything out theres no room on the carpet for them to walk and they fall over toys etc also they want to play prams and can't because of all the stuff on the floor. I don't think mine would stay in their rooms playing before bed and I woudl be sitting downstairs wondering what they are up to. Better to have them tired so they sleep straight away.

seeker, my 8 year old dd is messy, but the thing is that she doesn't actually like her room being a tip - she just can't find the enthusiasm for tidying it up and doesn't know where to start, so I have to make her and usually tell her what to do (as in, 'put the books in your bed back into the bookcase, then tidy your desk' etc.). She is much happier and more likely to play in her room if she actually has space for Playmobil or her desk is clear and she can sit there and paint.

seeker- because I spend a lot of time/effort ensuirng our house is clean and tidy.

I agree it is there space but that doesn't mean they can't keep it tidy!!!

So do I pedilia - but that's my choice. As I said, I don't allow chaos (well, not much) in communal rooms, but I really don't see why my children should have their rooms the way I like them!

agree to disagree

cheekymonk I think you just need to put in more of a bedtime 'routine'; obviously being in there playing till ten at night is giving him plenty of time to make that mess (as well as stopping him sleeping at a reasonable hour!) so I think what might work is:

Playtime after dinner, in his room with you either there or coming in at storytime to help him tidy. I do think you need to do most of it; that's age appropriate for most kids. Be pleased for any help he gives and expect that to increase gradually; at 3 he is still very young. Then once it's story time, playtime is OVER. You could let him choose one toy to have on the bed with him. Then stories, lights out and gentle on-the-bed play with one toy.

I think this sort of approach might keep things under control a bit.

Maybe you could sort his naps out so that he is tired at 7pm.
Am a bit that this an issue tbh.
He is 3.

I think it is unreasinable for you not to expect a mess. Children need to explore texture, weight, and movement of objects at this age.
To be told off for expressing his natural curiosity is sending him the wrong message at this important stage in his life

Message withdrawn

It's not the mess as such, as I'm not that tidy but tidy enough. But my dd's can never find anything, their toys get broken if they're all over the floor, but then they are 6 and 7 so they're a bit older than the op's dc, at 3 my dc's were even worse I think but I never said anything to them I just used to tidy up after them..
But I think thats what the problem is, they didn't learn at a young enough age to put things back or look after things.
We're not talking about them scrubbing the whole house after all!

It is good for children to learn that, I think I'm just sorry that I didn't teach them it sooner!

I expect mine to do quite a lot of "housework" in the communal areas - I do expcet them to keep things tidy and clean there - they tidy up after themselves in the kitchen for example and if they use the dining table they are expected to leave it clean and clear when they finish. I just don't expect them to tidy theirrooms if they don't want to.

I would expext a 3 yr old to help in a playful manner only. And I certainly wouldn't force them to tidy their room every time they played in it

I think the issue might be the nap. He is obv at the stage where he is ready to phase it out. It's a hard stage though as there will be days where he will still need it but they will become fewer.

And I think YABU to expect a 3 yr old to tidy up!

Agree buda- maybe it is time to stop naps