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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm not unreasonable he is

24 replies

heistheA · 05/08/2023 17:15

I'm so bloody angry.
DH and I usually good relationships - through counselling have good communication.

But he got annoyed at the cost of my hair appointment. Cost of living means the last couple of times I've gone prices have increased. But apart from one other hobby it's one of the few things I spend money on myself for.

He kicked off so much in the car he told me I can't go back and was yelling at me. Then when I went to cancel the next appointment he said 'no don't I didn't mean that'

Then he went to the pub and came home 4 hours later tipsy (he's not the type of person to go to the pub ever) and he drinks maybe 3 times a year.

Im so angry with him, so I thought I better type it out than have a raging row with him. We have children, who haven't witnessed any of these arguments thankfully, but we're all in the house together and im trying to avoid an argument.

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 05/08/2023 17:19

Sounds like a prick

Janieforever · 05/08/2023 17:20

How often do you go and what’s the price. How tight is money? Do you contribute financially? Or is this about you not earning?

Thedogscollar · 05/08/2023 17:20

If you can afford your haircut and it's your money then it has sod all to do with him.
He sounds ridiculous yelling at you in the car then going off like a sulky child and getting tipsy in the pub.
He has very unattractive traits. YANBU.

cruffinsmuffin · 05/08/2023 17:20

Hmmm, are you struggling for money? Is the family going without to pay for your hair to be done? If so he's probably got a point, but going to the pub isn't really a good thing to do on his part.

Sauvblanctime · 05/08/2023 17:21

Absolutely sounds like a knob head

Aquamarine1029 · 05/08/2023 17:21

I'm wondering if there's a financial problem you are unaware of.

INeedAnotherName · 05/08/2023 17:23

So you can't spend money on a haircut but he can spend money on booze? And he can shout at you until you give in?

You know what I'm going to say, don't you...

foulksmills · 05/08/2023 17:24

A financial problem with haircuts but no financial problem with boozing at the pub.

itsmyp4rty · 05/08/2023 17:25

Why don't you agree a certain amount of spending money each per month and then you don't have to justify what either of you spend it on.

lovenotwar149 · 05/08/2023 17:25

Well done for ranting on here first! Yelling at you isn't acceptable ..AT ALL. Interesting that he retracted with 'no don't I didn't mean that' (Prob realised he had made an error.)
I would want to discuss that when things have calmed down.

DH and I usually good relationships - through counselling have good communication.

Hopefully you two can revert back to the 'good communication' you state that there is between you both when the dust settles!?

ilovesooty · 05/08/2023 17:28

And this is the "good communication through counselling"?

He doesn't seem to be communicating very well with you

Daffodilwoman · 05/08/2023 17:29

Are you struggling financially?
Hiw much does he spend on himself? Gym membership, hobbies, lunch for work, having the car washed etc etc. compare this with how much you spend on yourself. Is it equal? Will he moan and complain if you don’t have your hair done? Nails done? Wear make up? Or is he one of those men who pretends to like women who look natural but is a total hypocrite ?

Janieforever · 05/08/2023 17:34

foulksmills · 05/08/2023 17:24

A financial problem with haircuts but no financial problem with boozing at the pub.

He does it 3 times a year.

Lkahsvtv · 05/08/2023 17:36

People on here always say in a marriage money should be joint but this is exactly why I like it separate. DH has no idea how much my hair costs and he doesn’t care as long as I can meet household costs.

lovenotwar149 · 05/08/2023 17:40

marriage money should be joint

Ideally this would be the case. Ideals dont work in practice I have learnt. Married 34 yrs

Original poster
heistheA · 05/08/2023 17:40

My hair is 4 times a year, we both earn good money. We have no debts, our money is all in our joint account so both have complete access.

OP posts:
Original poster
heistheA · 05/08/2023 17:41

Also we do have an agreed amount for us both so it's fair and this is within that budget. I just needed to rant and get it off my chest. I'm feeling calmer already but I'm not speaking to him about it yet as I don't want to blow my top.

OP posts:
Sandunesandseashells · 05/08/2023 17:55

heistheA · 05/08/2023 17:40

My hair is 4 times a year, we both earn good money. We have no debts, our money is all in our joint account so both have complete access.

In which case he seems to have exerted that he is the boss of you. That didn’t go well and he’s drowned his sorrows. Make sure he gets short shrift every time he veers into this train of thought.

Twyford · 05/08/2023 17:58

What does he spend on haircuts? And hobbies?

converseandjeans · 06/08/2023 10:08

Going forward you need to have your own accounts for fun money - pay into joint account for shared family bills & then have some separate money for yourself. Then he won't need to get involved.

How much was it btw?!

OwlBabiesAreCute · 06/08/2023 10:28

I am not sticking up for him in any way but I do think there can be a massive disparity between the cost of men and women's haircuts.

Mine is approx £130 cut & colour. DH is about £15 for a cut so he thinks mine is extortionate!

BitOutOfPractice · 06/08/2023 10:33

Yes, I think the cost of women’s hairdressing comes as a shock to many men.

No excuse for the shouting though. That’s what I’d be speaking about when the dust settles. Though I strongly suspect he knows that already.

ssd · 06/08/2023 10:38

Weird. I think he has debts you know nothing about.

billy1966 · 06/08/2023 10:40

OP, he sounds completely out of order, a bully, and nasty to boot.

You need to separate your finances if he is so controlling about something as basic as a hair cut.

In your place agree to what goes into a joint account and the rest into your own account.

I cannot imagine wanting to be married to someone like that, but each to their own.

Going out drinking after he attempts to bully you and doesn't get his way is such a bad dynamic.

Protect your children first.

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