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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not feel excited about choosing a present for DH 50th?

9 replies

ReallyQuiteFazed · 05/08/2023 16:43

relship is not in a great place, I don’t feel very cared for, dh never really tries to get it right with presents for me and he says he doesn’t really want anything, and he hates shopping so it’s hard to think of what he would love. But when I look on threads for present ideas people seem to go to enormous lengths to arrange stuff. I just don’t think my h will appreciate it and I am really tired of organising stuff in the family. He has had a family do that I cooked all the food for and he is having another special small party then he wants a bigger party for all friends later in the year. So is it ok to get him a few smaller things? I am not getting anything engraved or antique and not taking him away as it’s hard to arrange time off. Basically I’m struggling to get excited and I feel bad.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 05/08/2023 16:47

Don’t. There comes a point when you can’t be bothered any more, and I’ve reached it. Our relationship is crap too.

Jk987 · 05/08/2023 16:55

Marriage doesn't have to be for life anymore. You're too young to put up with a mediocre relationship.

Shoxfordian · 05/08/2023 17:19

Why stay married if you feel like that about him? Life’s short

Chowtime · 05/08/2023 17:27

Ask him what he wants and get that. If he doesn't know, just get him a bottle of his favourite tipple - if he can't be bothered to think of anything thats his problem.

Sounds like you've got bigger problems though.

foulksmills · 05/08/2023 17:33

I completely understand not wanting to go to great lengths to celebrate the life of someone you don't care about very much. Just keep it small.

Qilin · 05/08/2023 18:06

We don't have any relationship issues but I still struggled for dh's 50th birthday present. He genuinely didn't have any idea of what he wanted and didn't 'need' anything either. We are at a stage where if we want something we can buy it anyway. It's also all joint money in joint accounts. I'm really easy to buy for but Dh is much less so.

So I got him clothes/shoes her wanted for the summer and then booked a nice weekend away for us both and a nice meal when there.

It was mine a few months before and I did get a gift (Dh chose and bought) and we also went away for a few days, and saw a concert I wanted to see in another country whilst away. Dd (20) came with us and pretty much booked everything for Dh as she's much more organised at holiday booking than he is!

In some ways it seems I got more for my birthday but for both the main 'gift' was joint time away together. And the concert, theatre and meals were all done together too.

SummerWhisper · 05/08/2023 18:16

If you cooked all the food for his family event, that should be enough, especially if he doesn't reciprocate anyway. Just buy him some socks.

ReallyQuiteFazed · 05/08/2023 23:22

Thanks for replying. Think what I’ve got Will be ok, and obviously some counselling would be great! But I am very low right now and i feel it would fairest to get my head sorted before I dig any deeper.

OP posts:
NutellaNut · 05/08/2023 23:35

Your DH never tries with presents for you, so why bother making an effort for him if it’s all one way? Just get him a token present and don’t even worry about it.

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