To not tell you just cos you’ve asked?

[AllllTheQuestions]

I’ve got a new pet hate. Now I’ve noticed this annoying thing I can’t not notice it.

People saying “what are you doing on the 17th June?”, etc I find it rude. Like, who wants to know? You got a better offer? Is what I’m doing enough of a justification to not do what you want me to do?

I want to know if you’re offering me brunch out? Or you want me to walk your dog?

So AIBU to not want to tell people (friends/ family) what I’m doing in a random day and instead wait for you to ask me if I want to do something/ can help you somehow?

I appreciate this is totally different in a work scenario where someone is trying to book a meeting/ needs to know your schedule.

YABU:
Just answer the damn question and say yes/ no if you can/ want to do an activity
YANBU:
Its rude just just to demand to know your plans, people should just ask what they want to ask so you can make an informed decision if you want to participate or not.

I usually say “I’d need to check my calendar, why?”

Easy answer: "Oh I'm not sure. Why are you asking?"

Easy way round this...
"I'm not sure/I'll have to check my diary, why do you ask?"

Cross post x2!

I’m not sure, why do you ask?

I’m always suspicious when asked this, as it is usually someone wanting a favour! I answer ‘not sure, but that date rings a bell’ so I’ve got a get-out, should I need it.

There's a little word that comes in handy here.

'Why'?

Yes, it does put you on the spot doesn't it?
The polite way to do it is the other way round 'We're having a BBQ, it's on 17 June if you're free'
'We wondered if you'd be able to walk the dog for us on 17 June, as we're at a wedding'
I don't know whether people dispense with this to trap you, or whether they're genuinely unaware it's not how to ask.

My absolute pet peeve when people do this.
Like you, once I've noticed people do this, I can't un-notice.

Or if working part-time- which days do you work? As if any day I'm not working is open for demands from them.

Just tell me what you want.

I used to have a controlling friend who used that trick. You've just reminded me of it.

Those of you saying “it’s easy to fix, just ask why” well yes, I understand that. But it doesn’t change the face I find it rude.

Although I do like some of the ideas of “I need to check my diary” fist as it doesn’t feel as confrontational at WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO KNOW 🤣

I find it controlling too @ThingsWithEyes ! I actually think that’s why it bugs me so much. i find the same old suspects also say “what time does blah blah finish” sooner than ask me if I want to meet up etc!

Yep, or 'are you free on any of these dates?' followed by list of dates but no details on what you'd be committing to. So annoying!

@5128gap you TOTALLY get it! Phew.

You could always say '17 June, that's the day I'm doing whatever thing. Why?'
Then if they say they were about to suggest something fabulous say 'Oh, that would be great. I'm sure I can reschedule the other thing'
If they say they something rubbish just look sad and say 'oh what a shame'.

@5128gap this is a good way of handling it, just need to keep an event up your sleeve at all times in preparation! Any suggestions for how to reply when someone asks you if you're free on any of a long list of dates?!

@5128gap I can, but they could just not be rude and presumptuous 🤣🤣

I have a friend's (adult) daughter that did that all the time. I never knew if a request for dog sitting or a social meet up was why she was asking. Sometimes I'd be happy to walk the dog, have it overnight, but not fancy socialising or the other way around and I'd feel hoodwinked into it.

so I learned (against my people pleasing habits!!) to say I'd need to check my diary and what did she have in mind, the times etc.

and I'm getting better at saying no. Eventually. I'm still dog sitting her two dogs tonight while she goes 'out out' but that ok. A takeaway & tv & doggy cuddles suits me better! (No wine as I'm driving home)

"What is it you're trying to arrange, as most of those days we've got something on, but it might work around it?"

Well there is that!😂

I always say Depend who’s asking.

*depends even

I dont think it's that rude. It's an invitation.
I was invited to an amateur musical recently and it was a tiny bit awkward for about 3 seconds when I said "not a fan of musicals". I didnt say "especially amateur ones". But it was not a big deal.

I envy people who are juggling invites, my diary is so empty in comparison.