Husband being random

[Leeanne922]

Am I being unreasonable here but I find really annoying my husband habits of when I expect him to be in the house (having young kids in the house) to stay in the house/back garden/front garden and if he needs to visit a neighbour or talk to a neighbour to let me know so I know that I need to keep eye on everyone on my own and there is no adult downstairs for example. He says he is a social animal and needs to socialize,i am like fine but let me know,dont just randomly disappear for 30 mins, an hour or 2 hours, its inconsiderate. He was just away for an hour across the road talking to a neighbour,before he went out he told me that he is going to grab something from the car and come back, as I was nursing baby I wanted to nod off for a bit but remembered, I dont know where he is and could not even find him on home security cameras so no nodding off with the little one. When he got back he told me i should have just come outside and looked up the street- uh yes sure I am going to leave kids on their own to look for him,not.

AIBU or not AIBU?

People suggesting you’re being controlling are full of shit. He’s got responsibilities as a parent and shouldn’t behave as if he’s a single man.

You guys need to be a team and have open communication. Him just fucking off without his phone is controlling in itself - it locks you at home, locks you into caring for the kids without him, limits and controls you.

Not ok.

Very normal where I come from (originally not UK) none in private rooms like bathroom of course or bedrooms,switched on when everyone is out of the house.

Even my 85yr old grandma has them so she can check whos on the door, ask them to leave the parcel by the door if she is busy or if she wants to check what the dog is up to in the kitchen without getting up to check.

In our case we had some work done at our home,left the keys with trusted people who had to pass the keys to builder during the working hours, they turned up ona day when they were not supposed,the neighbour who had keys told them we agreed to it and we were away on holiday an saw them removing items from our home-recorded on video. Woop.

In his defense saying I never directly asked him to keep eye on kids,it is one of these days where we are both busy doing tasks around the house,I was upstairs I thought he was going to return to be downstairs after being to the car. I sat down to nurse and suddenly he was gone and couldn't spot him anywhere for an hour.

Hence why he didn't get the point why I was so annoyed when he got back but I thought if I was planning to stay out for more than a few mins I would check if I had my phone or pop quickly back and give a shout hey I will be talking to *** I will be back soon. To me it makes sense this is what I would do.

*check if i had my phone, ring him to make sure he knows 100% I am not in the house and then let him know when i return too.

Exactly! A 5-10 minute chat with a neighbour? Fair enough.

Collaring them for an hour and talking their ears off? PITA neighbour to hide from! Unless they’re best mates?!

Also, yes, with young children he shouldn’t be randomly going on the missing list for chunks of time with no prior agreement. How come he gets to avoid parenting while you don’t?

He sounds like he's bored at home/with family tbh.

He was just away for an hour across the road talking to a neighbour,before he went out he told me that he is going to grab something from the car and come back

So you did know he was out the front?

I think if he’s in the front or back garden then it’s ok because we’ve all been there when the neighbour catches us and chats for ages.

I would not be happy with him going into neighbours homes without letting me know.

But I know what you mean when it feels like you wouldn’t be able to do the same and I’d definitely ask that he just lets you know if he’s going out the front it back, like he did today so if you need it you know where he is.

He says he is a social animal and needs to socialize

Translation: I don't want to have to look after my own children. That's what I have Leeanne922 for.

Right! 🤣
Im imagining them trying to slowly close the door in his face while he stands on the doorstep chattering on for an hour.

Print off some A5 leaflets with an unflattering photo of your husband and the words 'HAVE YOU SEEN DEREK, MY HUSBAND?' or whatever his name is.
'IF FOUND, PLEASE RETUEN TO NUMBER 23, THANK YOU.'

When he pops out again, post them
through your neighbours letterboxes.

Embarrass him.

😂

Very true,