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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To forward face for one return journey abroad?

35 replies

Nangnong · 05/08/2023 14:38

20 month old is approx 14kg- we use a Joie 360 normally.

We are going to a wedding abroad and it’s 20 miles from the place we are staying in, it’s in a very rural area. We got a Nania forward facing car seat as it’s light and easy to install to take to put in the taxi there and back.

I’m now suddenly very nervous and feel a bit ill about it, that the one trip we use this will be the one time we have an accident.

Our usual car seat though is really heavy and isofix rather than seat belt installation, so might not work in the taxis and is going to be very difficult to lug with child and luggage on the trains we need to take.

Now considering going out and buying a Joie stages for £120 just for the sake of this one journey.

Husband thinks what we have will do, if we were hiring a car and driving around etc that would be different but this is one journey and unlikely to need a car seat for this purpose again.

I feel like we are tempting fate and should get the Joie stages to rear face…

Should we just forward face for the one return trip?

OP posts:
Abra1t · 05/08/2023 14:56

Just do it FF.

ivykaty44 · 05/08/2023 14:57

how are you getting abroad? just take your car seat form home

nw80 · 05/08/2023 15:00

Can you take it onboard the flight? I think checking it in baggage can be a bit dodgy. If you have check it I'd pack it really really well.

We are doing extended RF, but I'd just do FF for this journey.

Abra1t · 05/08/2023 15:01

ivykaty44 · 05/08/2023 14:57

how are you getting abroad? just take your car seat form home

Our usual car seat though is really heavy and isofix rather than seat belt installation, so might not work in the taxis and is going to be very difficult to lug with child and luggage on the trains we need to take.

PuttingDownRoots · 05/08/2023 15:01

We now know that RF is safer but...

Many toddlers still FF with no issue. Thousands have FF in the past with no issue.

Presuming you are safe drivers... you are unlikely to have an accident. The seat will protect them. It might not protect them as much, but its mathematically unlikely to be needed.

Imissivillage · 05/08/2023 15:04

Think of all the little ones who went straight to front facing once they outgrew the baby car seat (the type that clips onto your pushchair) millions and millions of them who for years forward faced. With no problem. You are just panicking. They will be absolutely fine.

VinEtFromage · 05/08/2023 15:16

I would have FF without an issue, but I'm
'older' (54) and RF is a newer concept.

However, once I think something, that's that really and if I felt I was taking a risk with my child & I could mitigate that, I'd have to do it because I couldn't live with myself if anything happened. I lose the ability to truly calculate the risk and just buy/spend what I need to.

i know your car seat is isofix, but they used to also all be able to be fixed by a seat belt. Is that no longer the case? Depending on where you're going it's more than likely a cab will have iso fix, it's a 'must have' in our borough. You could call & ask.

I'd take less 'stuff', have a sling/back pack/buggy for the toddler & manage between you.

Timeturnerplease · 05/08/2023 15:38

Both of mine puked for every car journey over 20 minutes until they forward faced when they hit the correct size. It’s only anecdata, but they and millions of other small children who have done the same are fine.

I wish I’d been able to have them RF for longer, but I made the decision that I did and researched the statistics beforehand; there is a small likelihood of there being an issue from FF, but in the instance that an accident does occur, the consequences are awful. I guess it’s a case of weighing up likelihood vs outcome…

amylou8 · 05/08/2023 15:38

Mine were FF from about 6 months when they out grew their baby seats. I know that's no longer the advice, so much has changed its actually a miracle any child born in the 90s actually survived. How does an almost 2 year old fit RF, aren't their legs all squashed up?

Clefable · 05/08/2023 15:39

I wouldn't use a Nania seat at all personally. Cheap for a reason.

Clefable · 05/08/2023 15:40

Can you return the Nania and get a Joie Tilt or something instead?

Clefable · 05/08/2023 15:40

I mean Steadi, Tilt isn't as long-lasting for height.

Clefable · 05/08/2023 15:45

amylou8 · 05/08/2023 15:38

Mine were FF from about 6 months when they out grew their baby seats. I know that's no longer the advice, so much has changed its actually a miracle any child born in the 90s actually survived. How does an almost 2 year old fit RF, aren't their legs all squashed up?

My DD has just stopped RFing at 4.5. Kids have legs that bend Grin

And it's not really a miracle. Plenty of kids didn't survive or had their lives changed from various things such as car accidents, cot death, second-hand smoke, all things we've learned a lot about over the years and have the power to do something about,

TooBigForMyBoots · 05/08/2023 15:48

Clefable · 05/08/2023 15:45

My DD has just stopped RFing at 4.5. Kids have legs that bend Grin

And it's not really a miracle. Plenty of kids didn't survive or had their lives changed from various things such as car accidents, cot death, second-hand smoke, all things we've learned a lot about over the years and have the power to do something about,

Show quote history

How many died or were seriously injured because they were in FF rather than RF car seats?

Whatevernext33 · 05/08/2023 15:52

There are some brilliant Facebook groups that wil ask babies weight and age etc, they will always recommend RF till at least 4/5 y/o. I would be very wary of the Nania, they have some of the lowest ratings for safety. We have a 3.5 year old in RF in more expensive and heavy seats in UK and same conversation here for holiday later this year, we are buying a Joie everystage for that- to belt in, and allow rear face for holiday (pack it out with towels etc for flight/hold) this can then be used as high back booster in a few more years time, so not a waste of £. Hope you find a solution.

BBno4 · 05/08/2023 15:53

Get a free carseat off trashnothing.com

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 05/08/2023 15:54

It might help you a damn sight more to Google how many toddlers have actually been killed in a FF car seat. It would put your mind at ease at least. Fewer than 205 children are injured and as little as 21 deaths have been recorded in a forward facing car seat. The statistics on that are minuscule, it’s not something even worth worrying about.

Clefable · 05/08/2023 15:59

No idea, no one kept those statistics and it's impossible to say. Children who have died from internal decapitation in crashes are likely to have not suffered that injury rear-facing because of the mechanism of crashes.

Whether an individual thinks it's important or not is up to then. I RF my kids because there's no reason for me not to and compelling reasons for me to do so. Luckily we haven't been in a crash to have to test those reasons out.

Fatal crashes with children involved are very rare thankfully, so it's likely that whatever OP chooses or indeed most people who read this site choose it won't matter. But it does matter sometimes, and I'm happy not to take that risk when I can avoid it.

I find it so odd that people get so defensive about it, as if the advance of technology and research is a personal criticism of their parenting 10/20 years ago when those things just hadn't been discovered yet. You do what you can with the knowledge you have, and that knowledge will change over time. No one is suggesting you're a lax parent for not doing something that no one realised was a safer thing when you were doing it. We should be glad that we are finding new safety measures to keep children safe.

Un7breakable · 05/08/2023 16:01

If you can afford it then do it.

Bumblebee112 · 05/08/2023 16:03

However, once I think something, that's that really and if I felt I was taking a risk with my child & I could mitigate that, I'd have to do it because I couldn't live with myself if anything happened. I lose the ability to truly calculate the risk and just buy/spend what I need to.

Absolutely this that @VinEtFromage has said. If there is any doubt in my mind then I do what I need to to get rid of it. So personally, I would take/buy a seat that I was happy with.

MamaMiaOhDear · 05/08/2023 16:03

Buy joie stages off Facebook marketplace. There's some in amazing condition for next to nothing

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 05/08/2023 16:07

We still erf at 5.5yrs, but yes I would, and have, used ff seats on holidays. Wouldn't use a nania though

Clefable · 05/08/2023 16:13

If anyone is genuinely interested in some of the science and statistics behind it, this is a really good paper that is accessible as a starting point: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1460408618755811

And it does actually contain some statistics about forward v rearfacing as well as case studies (which might be distressing to read).

Pippielk · 05/08/2023 16:13

Agree - why choose a really poor brand FF seat? Spend the money on a lighter RF seat that you can use for any other holidays abroad for next few years. We used two elite rear facing when traveling - it's not fancy but still v safe when used RF but very adaptable in different cars and light to lift.
Don't advise getting seat 2nd hand unless you know it's history....

VinEtFromage · 05/08/2023 17:51

MamaMiaOhDear · 05/08/2023 16:03

Buy joie stages off Facebook marketplace. There's some in amazing condition for next to nothing

No way, there's no way I'd buy a used car seat, you have no idea if it's been in an accident or not.