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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take a present to a birthday party

26 replies

Menopausecrazy · 05/08/2023 12:49

Going to a 40th later… invite so no presents. DH adamant we don’t need to take anything but feels a bit weird. He is my DH’s colleague so I’ve only met him handful of times. The venue is at a pub. Wwyd ?

OP posts:
Nagado · 05/08/2023 12:52

I think I’d take along a bottle of something for him to have at home. It would seem over the top to me to have a thoughtful gift, but a bottle of something is more about the gesture I think.

VisionsOfSplendour · 05/08/2023 13:04

Why is this a question, the Host has been very clear it's an easy instruction to comply with why would you even think of going against their wishes?

Virginsexonthebeachplease · 05/08/2023 14:11

Are they British? I ask because I know of some cultures tend to give money rather than gifts and would always give cash even if it says "no gifts please" on the invitation.

Alternatively you could take some wine or nice biscuits or chocolates so as not to go empty handed.

Saying that, I'm not sure I'd expect gifts at a milestone birthday as an adult.

Virginsexonthebeachplease · 05/08/2023 14:11

Also is a paid for party / dinner or pay for your own?

RaidFlySpray · 05/08/2023 14:13

In this instance, I'd do one of those gifts that Oxfam do, where you can buy something specific to people who need it- for example, buy a goat for a family, or buy medical aid for a school or something. Birthday boy probably doesn't want stuff cluttering up his home, but this is a nice gesture.

bananaboats · 05/08/2023 14:43

I think I'd just take a bottle of something

EhrlicheFrau · 05/08/2023 14:54

It says no gifts so......😬

lovemelongtime · 05/08/2023 14:57

No gifts means no gifts. Why do people think they know better.

Of something days no children or no pets we comply, but no gifts, everyone thinks ah yes, but they don't mean it.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/08/2023 15:00

If it says no gifts then what’s the problem?

Plus you hardly know them! Get them a drink and wish them a HB when you see them.

VisionsOfSplendour · 05/08/2023 15:30

Its crazy, it would put me off having a milestone party, I dont need anything, I don't want anyone to spend their money on me and most of all I'm a grown ass woman who knows my own mind, why would anyone think that I said no gifts if that wasn't exactly what I meant ?

CapEBarra · 05/08/2023 15:32

It says no gifts so he doesn’t want gifts. I would bring a card though.

Chocolatepumpkin · 05/08/2023 15:33

Just offer to buy a drink or two, no presents or goat sponsorship is required.

TyneTeas · 05/08/2023 15:52

If it says no gifts, then no gifts

He's not going to want to cart loads of bottles given as a present around either

Just offer to buy a drink

Virginsexonthebeachplease · 05/08/2023 16:22

lovemelongtime · 05/08/2023 14:57

No gifts means no gifts. Why do people think they know better.

Of something days no children or no pets we comply, but no gifts, everyone thinks ah yes, but they don't mean it.

Out of interest, which people "think they know better?"

By the very content of your post you think you know better than them?!

greenteaandmarshmallows · 05/08/2023 16:23

If its a pub buy them a drink or something. Don't buy something they'll have to carry home on the bus/in a taxi

GeekyThings · 05/08/2023 16:28

It says no gifts, that means no gifts. No one wants to sit around in a pub with a pile of gifts they have lug home after last orders! Even a card is annoying at the pub, they usually just get left anyway.

Just buy them a drink or get a round in.

Ladyoftheknight · 05/08/2023 16:32

Don't bring anything. Bring a card but nothing else. There could be 100 reasons they don't want gifts and as you don't know him you can't really pick one out.

5128gap · 05/08/2023 16:44

Party in a pub with a request from the host for no presents, backed up by your DH, who KNOWS the host? Definitely don't take a present. Who wants the hassle of hanging on to cards and gifts in a pub? Just buy the man a drink. If your DH changes his mind he can take a bottle into work for him.

Overthebow · 05/08/2023 16:50

I’d bring a card and a bottle of wine.

5128gap · 05/08/2023 18:21

He said no gifts. I'd bring a card, a bottle of wine, a cashmere sweater, a leather briefcase embossed with his initials, a mug saying worlds greatest dad, a Paco Rabanne gift set and a tin of shortbread.

Ragwort · 05/08/2023 18:28

5128 Grin

Agree with (nearly) everyone else ... for my significant birthday party I specified 'no gifts'. There is nothing I want or need. I can afford to buy myself exactly what I want and I don't want any more 'stuff' in my life .. and not someone else's choice of wine/chocolates/candles/plants I hate gardening etc. Most people respected my request but I did end up with some random gifts.

Please respect the request of 'no gifts' ... a card and an offer to buy a drink (if it's a pay bar) is enough.

MoonLion · 05/08/2023 18:30

No gifts means no gifts!

FloweryName · 05/08/2023 18:34

If it’s the sort of night where you’re in the pub buying your own drinks all night and there’s an Iceland buffet on the go, I wouldn’t worry too much about buying a gift. I’d make sure I bought the birthday person and his wife a drink and stick a scratch card in a birthday card.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 30/08/2023 08:15

I wouldn’t take one, nor would I expect one if the shoe was on the other foot.

squashi · 30/08/2023 08:20

If it says no presents, don't take a present. Pretty straightforward. You could offer to buy him a drink at the do.

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