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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have given up my seat on the bus?

59 replies

SpeedbirdSquawker · 04/08/2023 20:40

I get on a very busy bus in the evening after work, but usually everyone gets a seat.

The bus layout means there's a set of two seats at the front of the bus after the luggage racks, then the wheelchair space behind and then the other seats begin. Those first two seats are great for a bit of peace and quiet from the rest of the bus passengers.

Tonight, I waited for a while and let a few buses go before I got on as I prefer a quieter bus anyway and I like those front seats. I have a condition that causes anaemia and fatigue so they're easy to get to, too.

The bus infront broke down, so all the passengers (there were lots!) poured onto the bus I was on. There's a lady I see occasionally who gets on with a stick, obvious poor mobility who sits on those front two seats. She hogs the one closest to the window with her bags so no one else can sit down.

Tonight, she was one of the unlucky ones whose bus broke down, she came over to the seat I was on, pointed and asked if she could sit down. I looked at the empty seat beside me, smiled and said, "of course". Well, she gave me a look that was frankly nasty, huffed and went over to the side facing seats which face the wheelchair space. There was plenty of room for her on the seat beside me, and there was no way I was moving on an already busy bus so she could have both seats to herself and her bags. I clocked her glaring at me on the journey. WIBU to not move for her?

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 05/08/2023 07:38

You did the right thing, I love old people, they have such interesting stories, worked with them for years but some of them do think they have a god given right to do as the please.
I was in the post office queue and was pushing a double buggy, due to them barrier things they sometimes have it took me a minute to manoeuvre once it was my turn, the old lady behind me started punching me in the back with her fist because I wasn't quick enough x

ISeeMisledPeople · 05/08/2023 07:48

Oh I've come across people like her before.

I was on a double decker coach and there were two women sitting at a table, that had space for four people, opposite way other, one at the window, one at the aisle. Not an issue. There were also a few people downstairs (like me) sitting at the window seat with nobody next to us.

She came in and looked around and said to the driver that she had mobility issues and couldn't go up the stairs. The driver looked and said 'there are plenty of seats available'. She stood at the front of the bus huffing and moaning. The two women at the table seat said 'there's room here', and the one on the aisle seat moved up to the window seat, and moved her coffee etc up the table. The woman stuff humphed and clearly wasn't happy. She said she might have to wait for the next bus. The driver said 'that's fine, but it won't be for half an hour (usually every fifteen minutes). She reiterated that she would struggle to get up the stairs. The women tried to tell her that she could sit next to them. Then she sighed, paid and - went up the stairs.

She clearly just wanted a double seat to herself.

Yanbu op.

OCaptain · 05/08/2023 07:50

SpeedbirdSquawker · 05/08/2023 07:05

@OCaptain She wasn't old. Maybe early 60's?

I was occupying the window seat so no need for me to shuffle over to let her on. The aisle seat was available for her to park her bum next to me.

I'm not really seeing what the issue is. Perhaps she likes to always sit in the same seat on the bus; maybe she was having a bad day; perhaps she was feeling ill; maybe she needs to sit looking out that window so she can best see where and when she needs to get off. (Just some ideas.)

Soubriquet · 05/08/2023 07:52

Annaishere · 05/08/2023 07:07

Maybe she needed the window seat to stop her falling into the aisle

In which case she has this magic thing called a voice…

”would you mind moving to the outside seat? Only I’m not very stable sitting there”

ArcticBells · 05/08/2023 07:52

YWNBU.

ISeeMisledPeople · 05/08/2023 07:54

OCaptain · 05/08/2023 07:50

I'm not really seeing what the issue is. Perhaps she likes to always sit in the same seat on the bus; maybe she was having a bad day; perhaps she was feeling ill; maybe she needs to sit looking out that window so she can best see where and when she needs to get off. (Just some ideas.)

Show quote history

The seat that she always sits in was free though. Op was in the one next to it. It appears like she just wanted to have both - but that's really not how busses work.

Hufflepods · 05/08/2023 07:56

@OCaptain who cares if she wants to sit in the same seat every day though? Every bus user isn’t obligated to accommodate a ridiculous want.

Willmafrockfit · 05/08/2023 07:57

i like to sit in a particular seat on the bus, but i dont glare at people

EhrlicheFrau · 05/08/2023 07:59

Is this question real?
You had perfectly good reason to occupy your seat and the one next to you was free for her to sit on. While I can understand people offering/being asked to offer a seat to someone seemingly more I need, that doesn't include a second seat solely for bags!

Schoolchoicesucks · 05/08/2023 08:01

No of course not, you didn't prevent her from sitting.

I had similar once when I was 8 months pregnant coming home from work on a train. 2 seats facing each other with room for 6. Me and a man sitting in them. A woman got on the train and asked me if she could sit. I said of course and moved along to give her the space of 2 seats. She huffed at me and said "No, you need to move" and gestured to me to move out of the area completely. She wasn't elderly and had no visible disabilities or luggage that indicated she needed 5 seats. But I figured she obviously had some invisible needs.

There were plenty of other seats. So I moved. I may have exaggerated the heavily pregnant woman rising out of seat motion when moving. She did have the grace to blush and say that she hadn't noticed I was pregnant. Then she started telling me that I shouldn't be out and about in my condition and ask what I was doing travelling. I thought best to just smile and nod.

Zanatdy · 05/08/2023 08:02

of course she shouldn’t have had a seat for her bags. If a bus or train is busy I always ask people to move their bag. I don’t know how they can sit there when people are standing and not move their bag. I don’t know why more people don’t ask them to move their bag. I am polite and just say can I sit there please. They always move it, some reluctantly but most with an apology.

TakenRoot · 05/08/2023 08:07

Copperoliverbear · 05/08/2023 07:38

You did the right thing, I love old people, they have such interesting stories, worked with them for years but some of them do think they have a god given right to do as the please.
I was in the post office queue and was pushing a double buggy, due to them barrier things they sometimes have it took me a minute to manoeuvre once it was my turn, the old lady behind me started punching me in the back with her fist because I wasn't quick enough x

Nowhere in the OP is there any indication that the lady was old.

The OP later clarified that she was in her early 60s.

People can have mobility difficulties at any age.

’old people’ are not a homogenous mass who become one Werthers Originals sucking, quaint story telling mass under a crocheted blanket at 75.

People of all ages can behave very badly in post offices.

DojaPhat · 05/08/2023 08:28

The best type of AIBUs!! "WIBU to have saved a puppy from drowning" Grin

To be fair though, commuting can really be the 7th circle of hell!

mondaytosunday · 05/08/2023 08:28

Omg @Copperoliverbear that's outrageous- I hope you called her out!

Spirallingdownwards · 05/08/2023 08:34

OCaptain · 05/08/2023 07:50

I'm not really seeing what the issue is. Perhaps she likes to always sit in the same seat on the bus; maybe she was having a bad day; perhaps she was feeling ill; maybe she needs to sit looking out that window so she can best see where and when she needs to get off. (Just some ideas.)

Show quote history

So you basically haven't read anything OP wrote in any of her posts

Hibiscrubbed · 05/08/2023 08:36

Annaishere · 05/08/2023 07:07

Maybe she needed the window seat to stop her falling into the aisle

You must be Mr Tickle with a reach like that.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/08/2023 08:37

@zanatdy, I do too. ‘Would you mind moving your bag, please?’ I’ve had the odd eye roll, but nobody’s ever refused. I don’t understand either why so many people who have to stand, don’t say anything.

Hibiscrubbed · 05/08/2023 08:38

Schoolchoicesucks · 05/08/2023 08:01

No of course not, you didn't prevent her from sitting.

I had similar once when I was 8 months pregnant coming home from work on a train. 2 seats facing each other with room for 6. Me and a man sitting in them. A woman got on the train and asked me if she could sit. I said of course and moved along to give her the space of 2 seats. She huffed at me and said "No, you need to move" and gestured to me to move out of the area completely. She wasn't elderly and had no visible disabilities or luggage that indicated she needed 5 seats. But I figured she obviously had some invisible needs.

There were plenty of other seats. So I moved. I may have exaggerated the heavily pregnant woman rising out of seat motion when moving. She did have the grace to blush and say that she hadn't noticed I was pregnant. Then she started telling me that I shouldn't be out and about in my condition and ask what I was doing travelling. I thought best to just smile and nod.

Why didn’t she ask the man to move? I wonder. You were much too nice moving, but I’m glad you made her feel bad.

Hibiscrubbed · 05/08/2023 08:39

OCaptain · 05/08/2023 07:50

I'm not really seeing what the issue is. Perhaps she likes to always sit in the same seat on the bus; maybe she was having a bad day; perhaps she was feeling ill; maybe she needs to sit looking out that window so she can best see where and when she needs to get off. (Just some ideas.)

Show quote history

Are you really suggesting she was reasonable and that the OP should have moved?!

SisterAgatha · 05/08/2023 08:42

The people who consider this unreasonable wiI’ll not be voting YABU. They probably cannot admit to themselves even that they find it unreasonable. But I have had this behaviour over and over in my bus journey-ing years. No one believes these people exist but they do. Of course YANBU but plenty never give up seats for their bags so some people do think it’s right!

greenteaandmarshmallows · 05/08/2023 08:45

Zanatdy · 05/08/2023 08:02

of course she shouldn’t have had a seat for her bags. If a bus or train is busy I always ask people to move their bag. I don’t know how they can sit there when people are standing and not move their bag. I don’t know why more people don’t ask them to move their bag. I am polite and just say can I sit there please. They always move it, some reluctantly but most with an apology.

I have observed this over many years. I always move my bag out the way but I have noticed it is often the "friendly" looking people who are asked to move their bags. Often the woman just sat quietly. It is hardly ever the man who is man spreading and playing games on his phone. I'm wondering if sometimes the "reluctantance " is "why me again?" Because people always approach the people they think will most easily comply.

Malificent1 · 05/08/2023 08:49

I’d start making her move her bags for me to sit down every time I saw her from now on. Petty and proud 😂

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 05/08/2023 08:55

greenteaandmarshmallows · 05/08/2023 08:45

I have observed this over many years. I always move my bag out the way but I have noticed it is often the "friendly" looking people who are asked to move their bags. Often the woman just sat quietly. It is hardly ever the man who is man spreading and playing games on his phone. I'm wondering if sometimes the "reluctantance " is "why me again?" Because people always approach the people they think will most easily comply.

Show quote history

Tbf you haven’t paid for a seat for your bags

dudsville · 05/08/2023 08:57

I don't know what to make of this phenomenon where someone does something, then a stranger mildly expresses dissatisfaction, and the first person either seeks confirmation that their actions were acceptable, or seeks a space to complain about the stranger mildly expressing dissatisfaction. Why doesn't this roll off everyone's back and get immediately forgotten like the non event that it is? Are we hard wired to be neurotic? Actually maybe so, perhaps this is a lower brain stem event, the more primitive part of us that knows we need others to survive and therefore these non events can't just be forgotten???

Adelstrop · 05/08/2023 09:04

Recently I got on a crowded train, having reserved a seat. There was someone sitting in it so I asked him to move. He asked me to sit somewhere else because he was sitting with a friend and he didn’t know me. I bit my tongue rather than saying that I wasn’t looking for a social encounter and did in fact find another seat. Generally, there seems to be an increasing entitlement that wasn’t so obvious pre-covid, and someone wanting two seats on a bus is a pretty good example.