Is he cheating?

[ImthatBoleyngirl]

Sorry if it's too long, I just don't want to drip feed.

Me and OH have been together 14 years and have 2 DC ages 9 and 11.

We've always been able to talk about anything. The only issue is that I have a low sex drive due to my meds.

I asked if he would install Life 360 in case he broke down etc. All my friends and their husbands use Find my Friends so I thought it was quite normal, but he said he doesn't want to be stalked. Fair enough, I just didn't see why it was such a big deal if we knew where each other were.

This made me realise how for the past 6 months he's been really secretive with his phone, which he never was before. I noticed he was following lots of half dressed models on instagram. I teased him about it and he got really defensive.

Last night my phone was being stupid so I asked to borrow his (honestly not spying, I needed to buy tickets quickly) and he said no. When I asked why, he said "I don't know" and then gave me the following excuses:

1. I just don't want you looking at my phone
2. I don't want you reading my messages
3. There might be inappropriate conversation with mates or stuff like porn

I got upset and cried and he just said "Why are you crying?" quite scornfully. He would usually comfort me.

Then he said some of the girls he follows on Insta told him that I'd sent requests to follow them, he said he assumed it was so I could interrogate them. I honestly hadn't!! Then he kind of brushed it off like he'd been lying to try to get me to admit something.

A few more things to mention are:

He's being investigated for not doing his full hours at work

He's been going to the gym loads

Is trying to lose weight

This is all so out of character for him and it's the first time I've been suspicious in 14 years.

AIBU?

It does sound like he is cheating and you obviously don’t trust him.

Are you married? What’s your housing situation?

I'm not cheating on my husband and I would not want to agree to the life 360 app.. I find it weird just being able to watch someone's movements and I wouldn't want to infringe on my husband's. I'll tell him where I and vice versa but we don't need to watch each others live movements.

YANBU. Sorry OP.

For 14 years I've always trusted him, never had any need not to. Not married but that was mainly down to me not bothered about a wedding and just not getting round to booking a registry office. We're both on the mortgage and have a similar salary.

I only recently heard about it when watching a true crime documentary where they found the missing person due to the app. I set it up for my daughter and then suggested it to OH because I wanted him to know where I was in case something happened to me (I watch too much true crime 🤣) I wasn't remotely interested in watching him because he only went to work and the gym.

That's how I feel it should be in a relationship. No snooping or going through each others phone, but borrowing briefly for something like the internet should be ok.

Did you speak about the reduction in sex drive and did he seem ok with it all? I’m not condoning cheating just wondering about what he’s likely to throw in your face if you challenge him with proof (if you find some).