To not talk to mum despite cancer

[mothercancer]

NCd for this as potentially outing
I went NC with my parents 18 months ago
I have to be vague with the reasons here but scape goat/golden child with sibling, her narcissistic tendencies and need to control every aspect of my life finally came to a head.
My life has changed dramatically since NC- im happy with who I am, have a job I love, a partner and have finally walked away from my addiction issues which I used as a crutch when i couldnt cope with my mum.
Changed numbers social media when I went NC but im still living in the same place .
Got a phone call from DP telling me to come home straight from work (was going to the gym and then drinks with a friend afterwards) as we needed to talk. Long story short- my sibling had knocked on the door and told my DP that my mum has just been diagnosed with cancer. No other info given- prognosis, type etc and requesting I get in touch to help "share the load".
I will say I have been no angel in the past and have put my mum and dad through a lot but through extensive therapy/my own research ive realised its due to childhood trauma they inflicted on me
I cant deal with her. I know i will fall back in to addiction, get stressed and take it out on DP/not perform at work.
AIBU to stay NC to save my own life?

Are you sure it’s the truth?
My estranged parent tried that
in hospital “dying” bothering my friends by phone and message, as i had gone NC and blocked
I spoke to a hospital nurse
it was elective weight loss surgery
almost 2 decades later parent still stubbornly not deceased

You have to balance it with the likelihood of you feeling guilty and falling back into addiction and other bad behaviours if/when she becomes ill and/or dies. No-one here can predict how you'll feel. You really need to discuss it with a therapist and your addiction sponsor.

Only you know the real situation but just give some thought to how you will feel when she dies as there's no going back. If you think this is the right approach then it probs is.

I also have a narcissistic mother and always felt like my sister was the golden child too. I also abused drugs like yourself in my youth. However, now I look back I realise I was actually a bit of a nightmare in all honesty and my sister wasn't the golden child, she was just less of a problem child. You mention that you are 'no angel' and you're likely to be unable to stop yourself from taking it out on your partner, so just have an honest appraisal of whether it was all your mum or a bit of both.

You don't have to be best friends with her but you'll never have another chance to make amends. If you're fine with that then just carry on as usual.