AIBU How awful dancing can be?

[jiggingon]

Hi

i saw a thread on here talking about dance moms and how awful Abby was to the girls, and how badly they were all treated by her and the entire production team of the show. They had astronomical pressure put on them to be the best and the anxiety and trauma it left them with was horrific

but I think what I hadn’t appreciated until I read that thread was that a lot of the bad points about the show (the pressure to be the best, the horrible dance teacher, the constant anxiety and exhaustion etc) is actually very normal in the dance world. I was appalled but not surprised at what the show showed as it’s exactly how dancing is.

Im aware not all dancing schools and teachers are like this and all sports have problems, but with dancing there is definitely a general problem with it. My friends all experienced similar. I absolutely adored dancing itself, but it was exhausting - the constant pressure to do well and win, the bitching and competitive snideness from other mothers, the constant pressure to stay tiny, the stress of being a normal kid and forgetting your dancing steps and your teacher going through you, the wearing a costume you didn’t like/felt uncomfortable in and having to suck it up because you can’t complain. I remember crying because I felt like such a failure getting 2nd place and my teacher screamed at me for disappointing her because I messed up a slight step in my dance. I also remember having a 17 BMI and being told not to let myself get bigger because I was already’porky’- I never looked at my body the same way again. I remember sitting in school and stressing about going to dancing because I was tired and didn’t want to spend the night getting shouted at. I remember all the bitching, accusations of cheating, fights, all of it.

I love dancing and I always imagined my future children would be dancers too but I would strongly discourage them from ever getting involved in that world

so I’m not really sure what my AIBU really is (sorry!) I suppose I was just wondering if people knew how cut throat dancing can be in real life and that it’s not just like that for tv drama. And I suppose I was just wondering if anyone else was a dancer and had similar experiences?

Abbey reminds me of my old ballet teacher!

Same! (although not ballet but a different style)

Everyone else was appalled by dance moms but to ex dancers it’s just normal which is so sad

It really does depend on the dance school and whether you're in an area with lots of dance competitions.

The dance school that I went to was very supportive. The teacher found something to praise in each of us. The top pupil from my class had a successful career in dance and now runs her own dance school in the next town. My daughter attends classes there in the holidays and loves it.

When I left Cornwall, I attended a dance school that was very competition focused. The teachers were great, but there was always a gaggle of mums waiting around.

My daughter has been to two dance schools on our local area. The first one was fine, but the timing didn't work out when she changed classes. The second dance school has an excellent reputation, but is not competition-focused. Each year some students head off to full time dance training, but there is no pressure on pupils to be skinny and as it's in a deprived area, costumes for shows are kept at low prices. There is a uniform, but when I couldn't afford a specific colour of shoes, my daughter was allowed to wear what she had until she grew out of them.