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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be able to get over this?

11 replies

farthingwood5 · 03/08/2023 22:19

I have a family friend, been in my life since I was in primary school, they do so much for me and DC’s. I have told them everything about the issues in my marriage. Marriage broke down due to his infidelity but should have left before (controlling behaviour etc). STBXH has been pretty awful since separation but things keep escalating to the point that recently he punched me while I was holding DD.
Told my family friend about updates with police/social services and they said they feel sorry for STBXH.

AIBU to feel devastated they could say this?

Ive dealt with years of gaslighting and feeling it was my fault, now I’m trying to advocate for myself DC. STBXH manipulates everyone into feeling sorry for him- even people meant to be on my side ! I’m not sure I can forgive my family friend for this, or should I just accept they have their own feelings/opinions and get over it?

OP posts:
CandyflossKaren · 03/08/2023 22:33

Did they expand on why they feel that way?

Original poster
farthingwood5 · 03/08/2023 22:36

They think it’s sad that STBXH can’t see DC (social services advice) and they think he is a good dad and he ‘just shouldn’t drink’

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 03/08/2023 22:36

Yes there's a bit of info missing.

Can you tell us why they said they feel sorry for him?

WhateverMate · 03/08/2023 22:36

Ahh sorry, X posted.

Yes I wouldn't be able to get over that either OP.

Coyoacan · 03/08/2023 22:40

That the kind of perverse thing I would say. Sorry OP. I would think the sympathy for you didn't even need to be said but I do feel sorry for people who fuck up their lives.

Merryoldgoat · 03/08/2023 22:40

No I couldn’t get over that either.

Mmhmmn · 04/08/2023 00:45

farthingwood5 · 03/08/2023 22:19

I have a family friend, been in my life since I was in primary school, they do so much for me and DC’s. I have told them everything about the issues in my marriage. Marriage broke down due to his infidelity but should have left before (controlling behaviour etc). STBXH has been pretty awful since separation but things keep escalating to the point that recently he punched me while I was holding DD.
Told my family friend about updates with police/social services and they said they feel sorry for STBXH.

AIBU to feel devastated they could say this?

Ive dealt with years of gaslighting and feeling it was my fault, now I’m trying to advocate for myself DC. STBXH manipulates everyone into feeling sorry for him- even people meant to be on my side ! I’m not sure I can forgive my family friend for this, or should I just accept they have their own feelings/opinions and get over it?

He punched you and you " friend " feels sorry for HIM?

WTAF.

WunWun · 04/08/2023 00:47

That would be the very end for me.

Dombasle · 04/08/2023 00:54

I wouldn't like that.

They can say they feel sad about the whole situation but to feel sorry for someone who has made poor life choices and has t addressed their impulse control resulting in violence towards the mother of his children whilst she was holding a child is disturbing.

I would distance myself from her after telling her what I thought and would be very careful to entrust my children to her care such as babysitting as she could well be facilitating him seeing them or gathering information that could be used against you.

FictionalCharacter · 04/08/2023 02:58

Yanbu. That would feel like a betrayal by the friend.

Catsmere · 04/08/2023 03:24

Be the end of the friendship for me.

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