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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he's getting too much ?

25 replies

PenguiInaThong · 03/08/2023 21:15

5 year old is starting to behave a bit entitled and whiny. I know he's 5 so maybe UR. However this has all started since his dad has started doing more. Obs he needs a relationship with his dad. He's doing more over the 6 week holidays. He's had 3 days away in this county, he's abroad next week and then again with me 2 weeks later. His days are full of soft play, swimming and/ or out of school clubs and grandparents.
I just wonder if he's overstimulated

OP posts:

Original poster

PenguiInaThong · 03/08/2023 21:56

anyone ?

OP posts:

Anothernamethesamegame · 03/08/2023 22:56

Are you worried he’s doing too much so he’s getting tired and grumpy or are you trying to say he is spoiled? Wasn’t clear what behaviour he’s showing and what link you think that has to him doing lots.

babbscrabbs · 03/08/2023 22:59

Whining is usually a sign of something not feeling "right" to the kid. Unhappy about something but not necessarily the thing they're whining about.

Merryoldgoat · 03/08/2023 23:03

I don’t really understand what you’re asking.

Swimming and soft play are normal activities as are visits to grandparents.

The holidays don’t sound excessive - more than average but not that big a deal.

What is your actual concern?

Original poster

PenguiInaThong · 03/08/2023 23:04

Merryoldgoat · 03/08/2023 23:03

I don’t really understand what you’re asking.

Swimming and soft play are normal activities as are visits to grandparents.

The holidays don’t sound excessive - more than average but not that big a deal.

What is your actual concern?

He's getting a bit spoilt hence the behaviour ?

OP posts:

Anothernamethesamegame · 04/08/2023 07:09

What is the actual behaviour. Can you give a few examples?

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 04/08/2023 07:12

What do you mean when you say he's entitled and whiny though?

The activities you describe sound pretty normal - a few days out, a couple of holidays (one with each parent is fairly normal when they're separated), time with grandparents plus swimming and soft play.

It sounds a lot written down but it's not masses really.

Hufflepods · 04/08/2023 07:19

A 5 year old doesn’t get entitled because their dad takes them on holiday in the summer and to soft play/ swimming.
It sounds like this is jealously from toy that the dad is doing so many activities with him.

PrFi · 04/08/2023 07:24

This reply has been deleted

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ohtobeme · 04/08/2023 07:24

Tired or picking up on your angst?

Cakeandcardio · 04/08/2023 07:43

I wonder if he is whiny because he has seen his dad more often (and you less often?) and so he is craving a closer connection with you? I think the activities are a red herring. Perhaps plan a nice, calm evening or day with just you and him where he gets your full attention and lots of cuddles?

TheSandgroper · 04/08/2023 08:09

Well, he might well be overstimulated. DD would have been whining after all that, too. At that age, routine is good and you seem to be well out of routine.

I would have been having a quiet day or two, favourite/comfort food at regular intervals, a good long bath and a quiet, early bed. Lots of snuggles with a book/video and lego because boys do need to move.

And with plenty of the holidays still to go, actively plan quiet, at home days occasionally instead of expecting a 5 yo to keep on going and going and going.

Noicant · 04/08/2023 08:30

To me that sounds like a lovely summer for a five year old. It’s good that he is spending time with his dad.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/08/2023 08:34

Missing his dad?

RandomMess · 04/08/2023 08:54

Or has got too used to being entertained he now expects it?

Original poster

PenguiInaThong · 04/08/2023 16:28

I'm the one who plans a lot of activities actually so for the bitchy comments on here go get a life
His dad barely saw him for 3 years.

OP posts:

ManateeFair · 04/08/2023 17:11

PenguiInaThong · 04/08/2023 16:28

I'm the one who plans a lot of activities actually so for the bitchy comments on here go get a life
His dad barely saw him for 3 years.

If he's always done a lot of activities with you, and hasn't been 'entitled and whiny' as a result, there's no reason why activities with his dad would have that effect on him.

He's a lucky little lad who is getting to do some nice things. He doesn't sound spoilt at all.

Plenty of kids go through whiny phases at various times in their life, it's part of growing up.

Also, if his dad wasn't in his life for three years but now your son suddenly has a lot of contact with him, perhaps he's just adjusting to that. That's normal, and it doesn't sound like anything to worry about.

If this is also a big change for you, as well as for your son, I think perhaps it's a bit hard for you to adjust too, and that's maybe causing you a bit of anxiety because you feel like you have less control than you used to over what your son is doing. Again, probably normal, but I don't think you have anything to worry about with regards to your son and his activities with his dad and grandparents.

PrFi · 05/08/2023 08:14

PenguiInaThong · 04/08/2023 16:28

I'm the one who plans a lot of activities actually so for the bitchy comments on here go get a life
His dad barely saw him for 3 years.

We get it you are angry at his Dad. Maybe you should get a life rather than posting on MN & being angry about responses that aren’t bashing your sons father

Hufflepods · 05/08/2023 08:32

PenguiInaThong · 04/08/2023 16:28

I'm the one who plans a lot of activities actually so for the bitchy comments on here go get a life
His dad barely saw him for 3 years.

So what’s the problem then? If you do lots of activities with him you can’t complain about his dad doing the same.

Naunet · 05/08/2023 08:33

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Naunet · 05/08/2023 08:34

OP can you give examples of his behaviour?

PrFi · 05/08/2023 08:35

This reply has been deleted

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🙄

jeaux90 · 05/08/2023 09:14

So there's been a change recently where he has seen his father more? Routine change?

OP I think it's good for kids to have time at home, my DD14 used to get bored but then would learn how to amuse herself. As an only I thought it was good for her to be content with her own company.

Does he get much time at home just playing on his own? I always call it Lego time

Dustycloth · 05/08/2023 09:40

I don’t know why you’re getting a hard time here OP.

He’s 5, of course a big change in routine will disturb him. He’s probably overtired, I wouldn’t call that whiny or entitled, he just doesn’t know how to express how he’s feeling. It’s nice that he’s getting plenty of days out and experiences but sometimes we all just need a rest and get grumpy.
Maybe a few cosy days at home with mum will settle him.

Workawayxx · 05/08/2023 09:44

It sounds like he’s a bit overstimulated? Maybe try a few simpler days thrown in with just walks/playing at home/bit of tv. I found I desperately wanted ds to show gratitude and it just didn’t really kick in till later than 5, they’re so in the moment and about their needs that they don’t necessarily (I know there are exceptions) think to appreciate. I really worried that he was spoilt. At 11 he often thanks me for things and tells me how much he appreciates them. I think it kicked in more about 7/8 then increased around 10.

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