So angry

[Frustrateandannoyed]

I’m on holiday in a European country where most activities are outdoors / hiking etc.

My DC is 3 and has some signs of autism. He has a melt down at some point most days, I’m finding it increasingly difficult as he becomes too big to remove from a situation.

We’ll frequently do time out if DC is overwhelmed, high can result in shouting and/or crying in response.

After an episode in a supermarket, a woman stopped to tell me ‘you should keep your child at home if he cannot cope with being out.’ I’m afraid I did shout at her to mind her own business.

I had previously told my husband not to take DC into the supermarket as his behaviour was already challenging, he laughed at me. Now he is annoyed at my response to the rude woman in the car park. He already has form for undermining me with regards to our DC - I am the main carer, so this causes me day to day issues.

It seems you have two problems - a DH problem and a DS problem.

Other, wiser, posters will come and added the former, I’m sure.

But in terms of other people policing your parenting - you’re going to have to grow a thicker skin, I’m afraid. I just about got through 18 years of ASD parenting by adopting a total “fuck you” attitude to other people’s opinions on my child’s behaviour and how I parent. I don’t get angry, I just treat it as noise from empty vessels. I do parent as well as I can, but nobody’s perfect and they’re never going to walk in my shoes, so why should I care what they think?

Try it - it’s quite calming! (And weirdly, my DS is very tuned into how high/low my emotions are so it helped in that side too).

About anything else, I’m pretty thick skinned. With DC though, I just can’t seem to do it.

DC has recently been assessed as having speech at a 16 month level. We’re using private speech programs at home, but improvement is slow and his lack of speech is frustrating him - he finds it so hard to communicate with adults and children in all areas of life, hence the melt downs. DC is also frequently overwhelmed by noise, so we choose outdoorsy holidays that focus on his interests, mainly riding his bike and museums with planes and rockets.

DH is desperate for him to be NT. He wants to ignore the issues and won’t plan to avoid meltdowns, hence wanting to take him into the shop. Generally, I have to play bad cop in the resulting situations.

a formal diagnosis will likely help DH, but the process is so, so slow.

I'd be annoyed at DH too - the woman in the shop needed to be told to STFU.
If it was a nice restaurant then fair enough, you'd need to leave or otherwise deal with the issue - but supermarkets are a noisy place and not particularly 'formal'!

@Deathbyfluffy what made it even more annoying is we left as soon as we possibly could do we could deal with the situation outside and away from others.

We avoid all nice restaurants (mainly if there’s a white table cloth) and busy places almost all of the time, or I plan an fast exit strategy. At home, all shopping is done online etc.

No advice, but you sound like you are doing brilliant and the last thing you needed was that rude clueless woman putting her oar in. She can sod right off, interfering cow.

OP that's so upsetting. I know you're angry with your husband and I sort of understand but I can't get past the unkind words of the woman.

I hear anecdotally that children with SN are not as sympathetically understood in some European countries, but there is no excuse for anyone to speak to you like that. It somehow seems worse when you're on holiday and trying to enjoy a relaxing time together.

I do hope you all manage to put it behind you and enjoy your holiday. I know it's difficult (if you don't speak the language) but it might be good to have a phrase or two ready to put people like this in their place in case of future situations.

God ive had these comments and worse in the UK! I don't think the UK is particularly friendly towards children with sen either.

Thank you @TRexTara

I’m not sure who I’m more annoyed at right now @CoffeeCantata We’re in Austria, the outdoor lifestyle works well for my DC usually.

We have little time to ourselves as my DC doesn’t sleep well - often difficult to get to sleep, awake in the night and up at 5.30am. It’s not dissimilar at home.

I’m missing my days out for work twice a week when DC goes to nursery right now.

I’m going to go for a run to see if it makes me feel better.

OP,ignoring the issue will not make it disappear. The earlier you seek help the earlier your child will get it with support in place re education. It’s nothing to do with “labelling”. Your child needs come before your husband’s wants.

As for your “D” H and ignorant woman in the shop-it’s very easy to criticise when you’re not the one dealing with.

That woman needed to be put in her place as she was a rude,mean cow to you. As for your DH-send him shopping with DC in tow,you stay at home.

Sleep issues-speak to GP and ask for melatonine.

Hugs ((())))

@FrenchBoule DC starts school nursery in Sept with an excellent teacher who has already taken this as a consideration.

Up until now, the nursery he has attended have refused to complete a language referral or any other kind, I’ve had to contact a health visitor to start this process. I’ve had 4 health visitors since 2020, they’ve been varying levels of unhelpful. The joys of rural life.

We now have a speech, language and hearing referral. It’s a start, I guess. Autism seems to be the elephant in the room with my language delayed, melt down having, flappy handed child who can’t stand loud or specific pitch noises 🧐