DH left me and we're now divorced. I loved him completely and wake every day completely heartbroken all over again. I can't seem to get on board with the idea that it's over and can't get past the idea that I did XYZ wrong and "failed" in some way where others wouldn't have.
Suffered another break-up earlier this year. It was only supposed to be casual but as the months went by it had developed into something really fun and lovely in my life that I really valued after having had such a shitty couple of years. The ease with which he was able to walk away when it was no longer convenient for him really stung and has made me feel worthless and pathetic for developing feelings that, seemingly, weren't reciprocated despite him seeming so into it at the time.
I was date-raped by another man shortly after. Nothing violent or terrible, but taken advantage of and forced into it despite repeatedly saying I didn't want to and trying to get away.
I feel broken and empty every day. Going through a particularly bleak phase where I can't stop crying. I don't see the point in a life where I feel so alone, so unloveable, so unworthy of someone who actually sees me for me and loves me for who I am.
I've been in therapy for two years. I've talked it all over to death. I do all the work and I know all the teachings.
Don't let a man define your worth
There are other types of love than romantic love
Or some of my personal favourites - learn to love yourself first before you love others/learn to be happy on your own, almost invariably trotted out by people who are already happily coupled up and have been for years, who have never actually had to be on their own at all and don't understand what it feels like to be cut off from that.
On the surface I appear to do everything "right". I have hobbies, I travel solo, I eat well, don't drink, go to therapy, spend time with family and a few close friends etc. Fake it till you make it, right?
I read recently that emotional intimacy is a fundamental human survival need, just like food and water. If you take it away your body goes into a kind of famine and fights desperately to regain it, overwhelming you with powerful urges and feelings designed to make you seek it out again and restore it so it can feel comfortable again. This is how I feel at the moment - in a state constant physical pain and deprivation.
Nothing in my life is terrible. I have lovely parents, I manage to get up every day and drag myself to work where I do a good job. I don't have any serious health concerns or financial issues. I am so, so fortunate.
But I live in the past and ruminate every day on every mistake I ever made that has led me to be alone. Every conversation I should have handled differently, every decision that might have been wrong. Every shortcoming I have that must make me deserving of being alone and so unloveable, not interesting or engaging enough to make anyone care enough to stay.
What do I do? How can I stop the pain? I want to move on so desperately. I want to be able to draw a line between myself and these feelings and cut off what had hurt me in the past but it follows me around and I can't seem to shake it.
How do I move on?