Will my colleagues notice this?

[secondposition]

Hello. This may seem a very small issue but I’ve worked myself up about it in my head and im worried about work

unfortunately when I was younger I had a bit of a problem with eating. I was always skinny (bmi 19 naturally) but became obsessed with my weight as a teenager and was scared of being what I perceived to be fat, even though my bmi was 15 at this point after losing weight. I got help, recovered and I’m absolutely not like I was before, but my default whenever im stressed is that I lose my appetite completely. I guess it’s just a lasting effect where I struggle to make food a priority and when things get tough and I get stressed I find it hard to eat and my appetite goes out the window completely. Usuallly I make myself eat even when I don’t feel like it, but the last few months have been extremely stressful and I’ve really struggled to eat very much. My BMI was around 20 before and it’s now about 17. I didn’t lose weight from a ‘I want to be skinny’ perspective, I was just so busy and stressed and even eating a single cracker a day was too much. but I’ve been to the GP, got help and a food diary to get myself into the habit of eating properly again even when I am stressed out and I’m feeling better again. It’s working so far 👍🏻

But I’m back at work tomorrow (I wasn’t off for stress, just a combo of annual leave and wfm and I’m worried people will notice my weight loss. Last time they saw me I was bmi 20 and now it’s 17. I work with lovely people who are very kind and helpful, ditto with my supervisor and manager, but I’m worried that someone will notice the weight loss and point it out to a supervisor or manager, but that’s ridiculous isn’t it because nobody would do that in the workplace because we are all adults? Sounds daft but I don’t want to have to explain anything to anyone or a manager or supervisor. I don’t feel comfortable with such a low bmi- I didn’t lose weight for skinny reasons I lost it accidentally because of stress- but I feel sick at the idea of people noticing or saying something or a manager pulling me aside about it because someone has flagged it, but that’s not a thing is it? People will just notice but not say anything or bring it up to me or anyone else? I just don’t want to have to explain anything because I keep everything very private and I dread awkward situations and I’m already cringing so much with my weight right now. Am I just worrying about a total non issue here? thanks x

Of course people will notice and it's likely some may even make a comment to your manager.

Just say you've been unwell and move on.

unlikely anyone will notice, but to ease your concern prepare a couple of replies to use if asked … lost weight .. “I don’t think so” or “maybe, I don’t weigh myself” and leave it at that. Useful reply to any unwanted question ”why do you ask”!

People may notice but it’s unlikely they’re going to raise it with your manager, especially if you’ve been off. They’ll probably assume you’ve been unwell, most people don’t immediately jump to thinking ‘eating disorder’ when someone loses weight (unless they’ve been there themselves). Even in the hugely unlikely event someone did mention it to your manager it’s not going to be against company policy to lose weight, as long as you are fit and well enough to work then management aren’t going to care.

My only advice (and as someone who had an eating disorder in my 20s) would be to aim to eat as ‘normally’ as you possibly can whilst at work, pack yourself a nutritious lunch and make an effort to eat it if you can. Being seen eating regular lunches should mean even if anyone is initially thinking your weight loss is intentional they’ll have evidence to the contrary, and I always find work is a good place to try and get some order around food if your eating is usually disordered as if you bring a packed lunch you can pre-prepare it with good foods and the scheduled lunch break means there’s a prompt to eat.

I doubt a manager or supervisor will ask or be spoken to by a colleague. I had anorexia nervosa that flared up while I was off work for a while for other mental health issues and went down to a BMI of 15. I had some work colleagues who asked if I was ok because I looked like I’d lost weight. I just said that I had been unwell and that was that, no other questions asked. No managers or supervisors spoke to me about anybody raising concerns. I hope that you’re feeling better soon.

Poor love. Can you not just say you weren't well and haven't fully fit your appetite back. Maybe mention a virus if pushed? I'm sure no one will jump to the conclusion you think xxx look after yourself

Hi @secondposition as a person who has been slim and has had times where i've lost loads of weight due to stress and gone into work, i wouldn't worry about it at all. If anyone asks oh you've lost weight, just say you had a flu.
Honestly don't worry about anything, it'll be fine x

I actually disagree with the others. I do work in the sort of office where a manager would bring it up if they or colleagues were concerned about your physical welfare.

You don't need to announce it to the whole office. But I would have a word with your manager that you have an eating disorder. If it is work that is making you stressed to the point where you're not eating, your manager really needs to know. They have a duty of care to their employees. In the same way you would tell your manager about a physical problem you have, there is absolutely no shame in telling about a mental health condition either.

It depends on your colleagues and manager if you want to tell any of them what your health issue is. If your manager is discreet (as they should be) they may well have a return to work meeting with you which should be entirely confidential. Colleagues may think you have lost weight but know you have been unwell. If they ask out of concern just give a noncommittal answer. You are not going to be 'pulled up' about it as though you have done something wrong, you haven't, Remember you are getting better and focus on that

Yes
Came to say this

You don't have to tell them anything you don't want to.

If asked did just say you'd been a bit unwell but are fine now thanks

Anorexia can be rooted in a desire to control. You can't control how your colleagues may perceive you and that makes you anxious. It would probably be helpful for you to tell your boss you have an eating disorder.

I can't eat when I'm at work, if I'm stressed. Drinks are good. You can make hot chocolates/horlicks/lattes at work. You can get those fortified drinks that build you up you can get them from chemists.

OP you say you work with lovely people so if someone does mention your weight loss if will be from a place of concern and care for you anyway. Just say you've been unwell which has affected your weight and are improving now.

Well done on putting some strategies in place for your eating. Have you been referred for any mental health support by your gp too?

Having worked in a close knit team I wouldn't be surprised if it is noticed and possibly raised with you by your supervisor. If you don't want to disclose your eating disorder, just say you haven't been well but you've been working with your GP and you're much better now, and thank them for their concern.

If you were my colleague I would probably mention it to you, but only to check that you were okay and because I was concerned about you. Don’t take it the wrong way if people do say something to you, it will be because they care.

People may notice, and they may say something or even express concern, but I think if they do, you can probably answer them fairly briefly without having to go into your past issues or revealing too much private info. If someone says something like “Have you lost weight? There’s nothing of you - you are eating, aren’t you?” then I would say “Yes, I’ve had so much stressful stuff going on lately that I didn’t have much of an appetite and I was forgetting to eat half the time - but I’m making a conscious effort to eat properly again now so I can get my weight up. Should be back to my old self soon I hope.”

I think people will notice.

if I noticed someone that slim at work I would notice and not say anything.

MH is up to the person unless they wanted to discuss it with me.

Thanks everyone. I worried about nothing and it was all fine 👍🏻 nobody mentioned anything thankfully, hopefully that means they didn’t even notice it at all.

If I noticed someone had lost weight I wouldn't have reason to mention it to my manager, I might have concerns but I would be more likely to want to talk to you directly if we were friends.
However your post confuses me cos you talk in terms of BMI not actual amounts.
So I can't really understand how drastic the weight loss is.

You just need to say "I've been a bit under the weather, stressed, you know what it's like but I'm coming out the other side and I'm all good, thank"
If pressed about your weight state the above again.
In my office if anyone noticed something about a colleague that they felt was "off", for want of a better term, we'd raise it with our manager, the chances are our manager would be one step ahead anyway.
We take the health and wellbeing of our people very seriously.

Good to hear it went well and good luck with your new eating plan OP.