to want my friends to treat me better?

[greenballgrec]

Genuinely not sure if I have caused this problem so I’m open to opinions…

Im in my thirties and have a few close friends and then other friends on wider basis that I’m less close to. I have a 6 month old DD and I’m still on maternity leave.

I have always been quite accommodating with friends. I understand last minute cancellations and I’m really not someone to make a fuss if I’m let down last minute etc. Certainly before maternity leave I had a lot going on with work and with my husband and whilst I made a lot of time for friends, my life was busy. Obviously since maternity leave, I am now trying to fill the days a bit. I’ve often been let down by my one of my friends also on maternity leave and I’m getting a bit sick of it now. Last week we had arranged to meet on the Tuesday and I checked on Monday if she was still free, didn’t hear from her until Monday night (8pm) to say she’d been too busy to text but please could we re arrange.

To clarify, I’m not pushy. I know I don’t make demands of friends’ time and expect to be part of their plans but I just feel this sort of treatment is really disrespectful? I know she wouldn’t do it to other people. I know that you can get to a point with friends where you are so close you don’t need to be overly polite and that part of friendship is nice, you get to see them more like family. But I still feel like I’m being treated badly. I don’t know if I’ve just got more time on my hands now so I am thinking about it more or whether I’ve just started to grow a backbone?

How would we know if you’ve caused problems or not on the basis of that OP?

It depends how often this has happened and if it’s a new thing or you’ve just noticed it as you are on mat leave.

You could tactfully ask your friend if everything is ok with her, put the ball in her court about meeting up and see what happens? Also, be mindful about whether she might be having fertility struggles that you are unaware of and she could be finding it difficult to see you with your new baby right now.

I was dumped by three friends immediately once I announced my pregnancy because they couldn’t bear to see me having what they wanted (I was told this), but you could find this may be happening to you now the baby is here. Or, it could just be that she has a lot going on in her life right now.

It sounds like you need to go to a playgroup or some classes to make some new friends. It is great when an old friend is on mat leave at the same time as you but people prioritise friendships differently and for whatever reason, this friend isn't super keen to meet. It doesn't mean she won't get around to it eventually.

I do think it is beneficial to have a weekly routine while on mat leave. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but it gives me structure.

It sounds like now you are less busy you expect more of your friends time. Their lives haven't changed and so they can't fill the gaps for you?

It’s not really disrespectful for her to rearrange the night before, it’s not like she did it 10 mins before.
If she’s also on mat leave she could just be having a really exhausting time and wasn’t up to doing something that day, not uncommon.

If she’s also on mat leave she could just be having a really exhausting time

I was thinking this. I had a baby that slept only 3 hours a night. There were days I thought I’d drop I was so tired. There would be no way I’d be up for plans if we’d had a rough couple of days on top of sleepless nights. Maybe she just knew she’d need a day at home to recover?

That’s not disrespectful. Disrespectful would be standing you up. Cancelling the night before because things are a bit much for her is fine.