Is my husband taking the p**s?

[heyho2023]

Is my husband taking the p**s?
we have two small kids (Yr 1 and reception).
my husband is bone idol IMO. He doesn’t do anything off his own back l, I don’t want to nag so I now stop asking but now I’m resentful.

he works 3 long days in a very stressful job I work slightly less but mostly nights as it’s better for school pick ups and drop offs.

I take them away alone, he often doesn’t want to join…saying he needs alone time.

He spends his days off on the Xbox and pretty much all evenings when the kids go to bed.

we have a cleaner every few weeks but the
general day to day cleaning cooking and tidying is all down to me.

I have to remind him of things constantly drop off time etc.

Starting to feel more and more like I have three kids not two. Please help as the resentment is getting redic!

What was he like before having children?

He sounds awful, you are not being unreasonable at all to feel resentment however I don't know that you can "fix" lazy. He is who he is and does not seem at all willing to change.

I guess you either reconcile yourself to life as it is or work towards leaving him which is obviously not an easy decision to make.

Ah another grown man playing x box instead of helping out with family duties

You have two choices. Accept this shit forever, because what you see is what you get, or leave his useless arse and have a much happier life.

Op, he knows exactly how much you have to do and what it takes to run the household. He simply doesn't care. He doesn't care that you are run off your feet every day. He doesn't respect you or what you do.

This resentment you feel is going to consume you, and he still won't be changing. You have some serious thinking to do.

You have two choices. Accept this shit forever, because what you see is what you get, or leave his useless arse and have a much happier life.

100% agree. I've spent thirty years trying to get my DH to be more family orientated (tv sport, not gaming), and nothing I did or said changed him. Bottom line is he doesn't want to change. And I'm just another angry women with mh issues.

Lazy!

You don't want to nag but you're feeling more resentful. You are not only carrying the physical weight of most of the childcare and housework but the emotional weight too. I bet if you do all go out anywhere DH gets himself ready while you sort everyone else? You're the one thinking about coats and shoes, toilet trips and snacks, tissues and toys etc.

Yes he's opting out of doing his share but you're letting him. You shouldn't have to spell it out for him but that's where you're at now. So talk to him. Get him to work out how many hours he has each week for himself, compared to you. Point out (if applicable) that when you are watching TV or on a screen you are also doing ironing/checking messages about school/sorting laundry/meal planning etc. If you are working nights you need to sleep during the day. This resentment will fester inside you if he doesn't step up but he'll say "why didn't you tell me" if you tell him to leave because he does nothing to help.

Why did you have children with a lazy man?

All you can do is tell either put up with it or give an ultimatum to change or you leave.

Fuck him off. Absolutely no point to him whatsoever. You’ll be far better off on your own.

Has he always been like this
Does he make an effort for birthday, anniversary or Christmas etc
The Xbox was something my late wife and I played together (mainly Lego games)

Ask him if he is happy in the marriage and if he is, tell him you're not and why. Put the ball in his court...... change or lose you and the kids

List all chores; sit him down and work out between you what you each think is a fair distribution of labour; stick list on fridge (or somewhere equally conspicuous enough for him to be unable to "forget" about it);
He can use it as an easy reference and cross jobs off as he does them.
If he persists in manchild mode then perhaps the X-Box needs to go .. at least until he's remembered that he's a father and a husband with duties and responsibilities, not an overly-indulged, cosseted teenage boy.

Yep. He’s taking the piss. He has four days a week off and contributes nothing to the household. Is there anything he does?

Does he have friends, hobbies, interests (apart from the Xbox)? He sounds quite isolated and possibly depressed if all he wants to do is sit in and hide away from everyone even his own kids.

To be totally honest I can’t really see a scenario where he will genuinely change without you being the ‘parent’ or the household manager directing his input. Personally I’d still resent that. But agree with pp, you can at least try to divvy up the load and give him specific tasks to do. Might make things a bit more bearable.

What does p**s mean? Peas? You know you can write piss, right? Is this coyness indicative of your meekness with him - how on earth have you let it get to this point? A few months into parenthood if he wasn't pulling his weight you should have pulled him up on it.

Yes, he sounds absolutely shit as a partner and father so take some action to resolve the issue - either leave him or give him an ultimatum to change (but he's had 6 years of getting away with it though, so why would he?)

Not everyone swears outright