To think you shouldn’t push your experience on others.

[Babsexxx]

Well that’s exactly it really I’m 5 days pp and I’m soo happy in my own little newborn bubble with me and the kids and husband feel soo relieved and happy babys here I’m not feeling like will it happen tonight?! before going to bed wondering etc lol sitting duck syndrome!

Anyway straight to the point here….my my mum suffers really badly with mh.

She is constantly ringing to check mine! It’s really odd and starting to piss me off as I genuinely feel contented and have shown no signs of any issues?!

She is literally ruining my newborn days with her own obsession! Any advice welcome before I let rip and say a few things I may regret but by this point I’m not sure I will be able to hold my tongue!

Before anyone says “she may see things about you, you don’t” I haven’t seen her since baby was 1 day old. I average speaking to her once a week on call and physically see her maybe once every two months for context. Thanks.

So how often has she been ringing you since the baby has been born.

I would be blunt but not mean. "Mum I think your projecting. I am perfectly happy, DH is great, taking up slack with house and older kids ect. If is start to struggle I will let you know but please stop inferring that I'm not coping" then change the subject. Every time she bring it up rinse and repeat. If she doesn't take the hint stop answering calls

This is the thing I’m talking minimum 3 times a day! And the centre point is always mh and when your post partum it’s just a really eeery feeling, you start second guessing everything!

I had the same thing. My mum had really bad pnd and assumed I would too, especially as I had twins. I caught her speaking to her friends on the phone explaining what a terrible time I was having when I was actually really happy (if sleep deprived). She almost seemed disappointed I was fine as I think she thought it would be something for us to bond over! I didn't end up saying anything to her but kept her at arms length as much as possible.

What was your relationship like before? Do you feel like you can just be fairly straight with her? You say you might let rip and say things you might regret, but what have you said so far to get her to stop? You can be reasonably blunt and to the point without saying something that might be regrettable. "Mum. I have told you I am fine. I understand your concerns but you constantly asking me is upsetting and I'd like it to stop. I promise that if I start to struggle, I will get help/speak to you."

See this is literally it x

My mum did this to me too and it really pissed me off.

Not great tbh kept her at arms length but polite

I feel sorry for her - it is probably guilt/fear making her feel that if she doesn't identify it she will be responsible for not seeing it not checking etc. She needs help.

You are right to have boundaries, MH is a real challenge for all the family. Practically keep the access short and sweet and maybe provide reassurances unsolicited that yes it is challenging being a new mum - but you are getting there.

Congratulations, and I do hope she eases up soon.

But I’m a very experienced mum with no mh.