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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my child home from the childminder?

15 replies

mibid · 02/08/2023 10:32

My work/study schedule is irregular so I have DS4 booked in for five days' per week, but I don't always need that. I always pay in advance so childminder doesn't lose any money.

Often, when I have a day off I like to keep him at home with me and spend the day with him.

The childminder sent me a long message about how this is worrying and that once he gets to school he won't be able to have days of as it is a safeguarding issue (which I obviously know).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Youhadababy · 02/08/2023 10:33

It's odd of her.

bluejelly · 02/08/2023 10:34

She sounds like she's massively overthinking things!

Missingpup · 02/08/2023 10:35

Aren’t you on maternity leave?

OhDoh · 02/08/2023 10:35

That's strange. Until 5 they don't have to be in full time childcare/school. I would just text back and say I understand this and he will not have time off when in school but until then i will continue to keep him off occasionally so we get some extra time together while we can.

Plumbear2 · 02/08/2023 10:35

But it's not school. I don't understand her thinking at all.

Popfan · 02/08/2023 10:35

Absolutely fine to keep him at home with you, her message sounds a bit strange!

LittleOwl153 · 02/08/2023 10:36

It might be an issue if she is claiming the 3yr old funding for him... they can be quite strict...

But no clearly not a safeguarding issue assuming you are letting her know in advance and simply just now turning up.

QforCucumber · 02/08/2023 10:37

That's really bizarre of her, DS2 is in Nursery FT and if I have a day off or an early finish I always keep him him with me - It has absolutely never been questioned. Wanting to spend time with your child is not a safeguarding issue

Jeannieofthelamp · 02/08/2023 10:37

My daughter's nursery (private nursery, not attached to a school) also say exactly this, they also don't like it if the child arrives late or leavers early for the same reason (I could understand more if they didn't like the disruption but that's not what they say). I did wonder if it's something Ofsted look at as they are so hot on school attendance.

Approaching · 02/08/2023 10:38

If she’s claiming funded hours for him it could be an issue - as if the LA find out he’s frequently not attending for the time they’re paying, they’ll claw the money back.

But if it’s time that you’re paying for, of course you’re not unreasonable! It’s not school, he’s not compulsory school age.

Mumof2teens79 · 02/08/2023 10:38

But are you telling her in advance or deciding on the day?

Not sure keeping kids off school is strictly a safeguarding issue....although it may raise concerns random odd days off at short notice.
But if she makes plans on trips, activities, food and you aren't letting her know until the last minute, or even just not turning up, I can understand her being annoyed.

I realise she isn't "losing" money but she could be turning away people who need childcare for that one day because she thinks she will have your son, and then she has space after all.

melj1213 · 02/08/2023 10:43

Did you tell her when you engaged her that you wouldn't need to use her service every day and do you let her know in advance that your child won't be coming?

She might be concerned if, for example, you are regularly telling her the day before or texting her on the day to say that you are keeping your child at home as opposed to telling her a week or so in advance that "W/C 14th of August, Jimmy will only be with you Mon/Wed/Fri". The latter would mean she could organise her week knowing your child isn't due on certain days whereas if it's more ad-hoc then it does seem like something that could be nothing but, as you'd more than likely know your shifts more than 24hrs in advance if you're not giving her more notice then it could be because there's a safeguarding concern being covered up.

ichundich · 02/08/2023 10:46

I think she's within her rights to raise it with you. I know someone who is basically alcoholic and has severe mental health issues. It means their daughter misses days and entire weeks of nursery because she just isn't organised enough to take her / pick her up or is busy dragging her to various doctors to examine her for all the illnesses she imagines her daughter has. This particular nursery is not investigating and failing their duty of care in my opinion. Not saying this is the case with you, but the childminder has a duty to bring it up.

Flisss · 02/08/2023 10:52

If you're paying and she's not losing any money it's an odd message from her. If she's losing money she has every right to mention it.

WandaWonder · 02/08/2023 11:01

I would presume she has a reason not just to be nosy or to be deliberately difficult or whatever can be worded

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