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Original poster

Family abroad causing stress

21 replies

Duvetday19 · 01/08/2023 22:33

I need to rant or I'll explode.

Family live over the water so not so far but still an aeroplane trip. Every single time they come over there is issues. Missed flights, changing flight dates, booking wrong dates, changing minds, the list goes on.

So this time my mother was coming for my kids first birthday which was never a problem I just asked her to book certain dates for work and availability to pick her from the airport. This wasn't met and she booked an extra day anyway.
Then, my Nan keeps coming on the phone saying she may or may not come because there is a wedding that weekend that will be a bit of fun she doesn't want to miss it.. okay I say do what you like (not in a sarcastic way)

Fast forward a couple of weeks, my family are calling, calling saying the can't find accommodation to suit, it's so expensive and I find something close to my home and we offer to chip in and they reject it, we offeres our place and we can stay with relatives for free, they reject it, change the plan to the original one which is my nan and Mam stay with relatives the first night and we go pick them up whilst also spending the day, my mother comes back with us and my nan goes home. (Hope this makes sense)

Tonight, I get 100 missed calls, think someone has died. No, they decided to book a house, the other side of the county, means we have over an hour travel time to work whilst they stay and also, they have completely ruined our plans for bringing our kid to an event for her birthday which they dont really care about.

I'm being reminded how we don't have to pay its their treat and I feel like saying, you decided last minute so of course we aren't paying. Like be grateful. It's also caused alot of friction between myself and partner who I'm not feeling so hot on at the moment.

My little ones birthday is being completely blind sighted here, it's her first and it's turning into this stressful, tension filled event all because my family are awkward as and basically call the shots in any situation.

I'm spending my time making other people happy but actually screaming on the inside.

OP posts:
Noizettely · 01/08/2023 22:37

I think I need a diagram.

Original poster
Duvetday19 · 01/08/2023 22:37

@Noizettely can you send it to me so I can present it at the party?

OP posts:
Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 01/08/2023 22:38

Sorry that's doesn't work for us but pop in on such and such a day....
Stop trying to help manage their arrangements.. Tell them yours. They turn up great. They don't your dc will have you and their df.. Grand day anyway op!! You need to nip this shit in the bud ASAP.

thisisasurvivor · 01/08/2023 22:38

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 01/08/2023 22:38

Sorry that's doesn't work for us but pop in on such and such a day....
Stop trying to help manage their arrangements.. Tell them yours. They turn up great. They don't your dc will have you and their df.. Grand day anyway op!! You need to nip this shit in the bud ASAP.

Yes to this

Don't get yourself in my current situation !!!

Ughhh stressyyyy

mishmased · 01/08/2023 22:40

That sounds terribly stressful. Can they not travel to you from their booked accommodation? If it is an hour to 90 mins they can still drive to you, sorbs the entire day at yours and drive back there. They're wrecking my head and I'm not even involved.

Original poster
Duvetday19 · 01/08/2023 22:41

They would have to rent a car.. This is what I want to say but it would be a shit storm when I do. I

OP posts:
DismantledKing · 01/08/2023 22:42

I’m a great believer in ‘you fuck it up, you can sort it out’.
leave them to it.

Original poster
Duvetday19 · 01/08/2023 22:43

@mishmased also, mother is hell bent on spending every moment with my little one which really I get but it's so intense. My little one likes some space.

OP posts:
Catsbreakfast · 01/08/2023 22:44

They book accommodation away from you, it’s their issue how they get to you

takealettermsjones · 01/08/2023 22:44

Absolutely do not miss your daughter's birthday plans! Taxis exist, they can manage.

Overthebow · 01/08/2023 22:46

Are they expecting you to stay with them or pick them up every day? Just say no. Why can’t they stay with you instead?

Tinkerbyebye · 01/08/2023 22:47

Leave them to it, they sort out how they get to you

ignore what they want to do,it’s your child’s birthday, do what you want

Original poster
Duvetday19 · 01/08/2023 22:51

@Overthebow expecting us to stay. My partner won't stay the whole week or he will have 1/2 hours drive depending on work location

OP posts:
Original poster
Duvetday19 · 01/08/2023 22:53

@Overthebow I think my nan thinks we live in some sort of run down moldy house (we don't thank god) so she just won't stay.

OP posts:
NoodleNuts · 01/08/2023 22:57

Just tell them you can't stay, you need to go to work and its too far!!

greenthumb13 · 01/08/2023 23:11

My family is like this. You invite them, happening such and such day, and then they are adults who can sort themselves out. You have to get some boundaries or every birthday and Christmas will be ruined.

MzHz · 01/08/2023 23:28

Honestly, drop the fucking rope

tell them what you’re doing, that they’re adults and can work this shit out and NO, you’re not bending or flexing to their whims

they’ll have to hire a car is perfectly reasonable thing to say, so fucking say it and end the conversation. Don’t allow them to suck you into this drama

learn to shrug.

kweeble · 01/08/2023 23:36

Stay in your own home and let them use taxis - I voted you’re unreasonable for being so compliant. No wonder your partner is fed up - it’s all so ridiculous!
They can’t make you do anything - you are the adult and you have your own family - with your partner and daughter to put first.

FirstFallopians · 01/08/2023 23:50

Duvetday19 · 01/08/2023 22:41

They would have to rent a car.. This is what I want to say but it would be a shit storm when I do. I

You have a choice between standing up for yourself and DH now, or letting this continue for the next 15-20 years.

I promise that any bluster you get from drawing a healthy boundary now will sting a lot less than years and years of accommodating their thoughtlessness.

mnahmnah · 02/08/2023 10:22

Send them the bus/train timetable and what times suit you for them to visit. Explain on whichever day you will be attending an event. They are changing everything so they need to fit into your constant.

MzHz · 03/08/2023 10:32

FirstFallopians · 01/08/2023 23:50

You have a choice between standing up for yourself and DH now, or letting this continue for the next 15-20 years.

I promise that any bluster you get from drawing a healthy boundary now will sting a lot less than years and years of accommodating their thoughtlessness.

Show quote history

Can’t agree more with @FirstFallopians

if you allow a precedent to be set you’ll never make it out into normal Territory

so:

”house looks lovely, I’m sure you’ll have a fabulous time there! You might want to book a hire car tho as it’s a bit remote etc. We won’t be staying as it doesn’t work with H work and our routine.”

Honestly, turn this page and don’t allow this bollocks to happen again. State your position and don’t waver. Broken record “no, that’s not going to work for us”

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