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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if DD2, aged 3.6yrs cannot wipe her own arse (successfully) yet and also does not know ANY letters of the alphabet and cannot write her name should not be starting school in 6 months fecking time?????????????????

41 replies

Oliveoil · 27/02/2008 10:55

I have been all oh well it will be fine

well akkkkkkktually I do not think it will be fine

she is my little baby still

she does not want to stay at playgroup for lunch yet or do full days, how on EARTH is she expected to do a full day at school?

please tell me to get a grip

thank you

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 27/02/2008 10:56

6 months is a loooong tim, she will be different by then

and why not teach her the abc?

dirtygertiefromnumber30 · 27/02/2008 10:57

lol - she'll be fine.

my ds cant wipe his arse yet either - he's nearly 5.

Threadworm · 27/02/2008 10:57

My DS2 was an august birthday too, and quite poor at some of the self-caring tasks. He was fine; the teachers were very flexible in what they expected of the kids.

DarrellRivers · 27/02/2008 10:57

She'll pick it all up
I bet she'll just do it all when she gets to school.
She just sounds laid -back, 'hey mum, chillout, it'll be fine when i get to school, don't worry so much '

Original poster
Oliveoil · 27/02/2008 10:59

I try and do the alphabet in a fun way

dd1 loves I Spy

gets them all right

I say "I spy with my little eye something beginning with M" and kind of point at myself

dd2: "radiator"

and she prefers colouring

holds her pen like she is going to stab someone with a knife

do I 'force' her to stay full days at the playgroup after Easter do you think to get her used to spending a whole day away from me or MIL?

OP posts:
TinkerbellesMum · 27/02/2008 11:01

I think you're being hard on you both, it's not that common for a child to be able to read and write before going to school, that's what school is for.

Six months is a long time and he will learn a lot in that time. Don't worry

DarrellRivers · 27/02/2008 11:05

if anything, perhaps just one full day
i think it would be just bringing the inevitably tiring days of full time, just a little closer if she starts now, IYSWIM
She'll have more strength for fuull days in September i reckon

perpetualworrier · 27/02/2008 11:08

School will teach her her letters. DS2 has been at school since Sept and still doesn't know all his letters. He's one of the youngest in the year and the teacher is pleased with him. He's a bit slower with the letters, but not struggling in her opinion.

DS1 wouldn't even pick up a pencil to colour until the month before he started school and now he's in top groups for everything.

As for wiping bum, it's amazing what they can do when they have to DS1 (almost 7) would still have me wiping his if he could get away with it.

Also second DDF. When you're 3 and a half 6 months is a very long time.

I wouldn't make her go full days to playgroup, as the summer holiday is so long, I'm not sure they'll be much benefit.

Furball · 27/02/2008 11:11

I've an august boy OO - he's now in year 2 and doing fine.

every year there is a thread like this, no point sayng 'don't worry' as you obviously are.

Well, you don't have to start her full time, you don't even have to start her at all until after Christmas, if you still don't think she's ready - you don't have to start her til after Easter. 6 months will make a difference to her, she may be ready to go September, she may even surprise you and be ready to go all day. But the solution is there, it's just a case of sitting, waiting and taking it as it comes with the help of DD, her school and you and finding the right combo

flack · 27/02/2008 11:12

I agree about not pushing full days yet, either. Try 2 enjoy her while you have her. It will feel like school has stolen her away when she goes full days.

DS3 is not 4 until June, I started a thread similar 2 this a while back, I know how you feel!

OverMyDeadBody · 27/02/2008 11:14

6 months is a long time.

I wouldn't worry about the letters or not being able to write his name either, that's what they learn in reception. My ds held a pencil like he was about to stab someone too when he started school, and couldn't write his name legibly.

As for wiping his own bum he refuses to and has already told me he has no intention of learning how to until he is an adult! He has never done a poo in school yet...

Of course, you can hold off sending him till he's five, or insist he only does mornings until you feel he is ready for more. I have a freind who's D is still only doing one full day of school, and mornings the rest of the time, he started reception in september.

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 27/02/2008 11:14

It's harsh. I favour the Scandinavian way meself.

DD2 will be one of the older children in Sept (Nov 5th baby), but she is still my baby. Well they are at 4, aren't they? She does 2 full days at nursery now, along with her 3 half days to acclimatise her, but nursery is different to 'big school' isn't it? As far as I can tell, it's all snack breaks and fiddling with sand.

Original poster
Oliveoil · 27/02/2008 11:14

our school only has one intake, September, so I don't think I can delay her starting

and also she would then be the new girl if she started later so not sure on that either

she is a confident little madam so socially she will slot right in (unlike dd1 who found it v hard), but I still worry

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 27/02/2008 11:16

Dd is nearly 7 and still makes a hash of wiping her arse, so I wouldn't be too concerned about that!

The school won't be concerned that she can't write her name or recognise letters - it at least means she isn't learning the "wrong" way, and they can teach her from scratch. She won't be the only child in her class who can't.

Can you let her start with one full day a week for a couple of months, just to break her in gently?

seeker · 27/02/2008 11:18

But the letters and the name writing is what she's going to school to learn!

As for the arse wiping, well, my 7 year old is really bad at this and still begs me to do it for him, so I wouldn't worry about that!

And presumably she'll do mornings only for a while?

HuwEdwards · 27/02/2008 11:19

school will be much more interested and keen that she slots in socially.All the rest of that stuff will come in her own good time.

my dd2 is my baby too but you have to pull yourself together woman and let her go

Marne · 27/02/2008 11:21

Dd starts in septemper, she can wipe herself after a wee but not too good after a no2. Im not worried as she only does no2 at home , what i do worry about is she's not too good at getting on and off the toilet as she's tiny for her age.

She goes to nursery and can write and read a few things but she finds it hard to do phisical things like climbing the ladder to the slide and she cant jump (she hops)

She will be starting on half days until x-mas which will be plenty for her.

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 27/02/2008 11:22

Forget learning the alphabet, as others have said, she'll do that at school. But continue with pre-school level learning, such as holding pencil properly and the first sound of words - like m for radiator!

The practical things are probably more important but 6 months is more than long enough to do it. Wiping bottom, putting on socks, blowing nose and disposing of tissue, opening lunchbox, hanging up coat etc. And not because the teachers won't help but I think it helps the child feel more confident in their new surroundings.

I agree that full days from Easter to summer hols probably won't have much effect come September. Enjoy your pre-schooler AND the summer. It will be OK even if the term until Christmas is a bit bumpy.

My DS1 started last September, he was 4yrs and 3mths and he's doing just fine. He is knackered though and I'm not rationing his sick days .

needmorecoffee · 27/02/2008 11:22

dd starts reception in september. She can't wipe her arse yet.
Or talk, sit up and walk. Its too young in my opinion.

Loshad · 27/02/2008 11:23

I'd just concentrate on the bum wiping, and she can learn the rest when she starts (if she hasn't started teaching herself in the meantime). Don't you want to give up the bum wiping, imo it's one of the less pleasant parts of parenthood

marge2 · 27/02/2008 11:24

My Ds was only just 4 when he started Reception too last Sept. full time!. I like you was horrified to think that my little baby boy had to start school so young BUT..Amazing how quick he learnt to wipe his bum OK. Not perfect but adequate. He does get pretty tired and emotional. He already knew the letters nad sounds as I had been doing it wth him in a really fun playing way since he was tiny but couldn't write his name. He was never one to sit and draw so he could hardly hold a pen when he started. You will find that all the kids in the class are different. Soe will be good at writing - some rubbish ( DS!!) Some good at phonics (letters and sounds)- some rubbish. They all get there in the end!

Don't worry - She'll be tired but fine and she'll amaze you!!

morningpaper · 27/02/2008 11:25

Concentrate on HAND WASHING rather than bum-wiping

You can always change pants when you get home

Reception is basically colouring, so she will be fine

Furball · 27/02/2008 11:25

marne - toilets in infants are not usually normal sized ones they have smaller ones.

Marne · 27/02/2008 11:27

oh good Furball, she's so short, she has a step at home and still struggles

CaptainUnderpants · 27/02/2008 11:29

Oliveoil - I work at a playgroup AND I have a DS who is an August baby.

First off - a school will teach them letters how to write name etc , if a child shows the inclination to do it at playgroup then we will encorage it.

Playgroup . preschool, nursery whatever you want to call it is NOT for teaching them their letters and how to write . It is far more of the social, communiaction and personal skills that they need to go to school. Ther are there to learn hrough play - very important . This will be carried on to a degree once they are in recpetion at school.

School is geared up for teaching them writing etc playgroup will give them other skills .

From a parent point of view , I was worried about my youngest when he started, he couldn't write his name and didn't know any letters . He was 4 yrs and 4 weeks when he started school . He is now in Year 1 and is flying .

Dont worry about bottom wiping !

I know it is easier sais than done but dont worry, schools are ready for all this !