To still let DS go on holiday?

[ja7l4k]

DS(18) struggles with his mental health but he seemed to be doing better than he was a few months ago. He passed his driving test, got himself a job and seemed excited about future plans.

He’s due to go on holiday with his friend and her family on friday but now i’m unsure. The friends mum messaged me today and told me that DS told her that he self harmed last night. I've spoken to him and he has said he doesn't know how he feels, that he doesn't feel happy nor sad. He does seem to be okay but I'm not sure as I didn't notice he was struggling. Part of me wants to keep him here so I can keep an eye on him, but another part of me thinks I should still let him go as that may help him and he does seem happier when he's with the friend.

DP says that I shouldn't he thinking of letting him go and we shouldn't let him out of our sight as in the past when he was self harming, he was also suicidal which he says he isn't.

WIBU? I need some opinions

He's 18, what could you possibly do to stop him going?

Does the mom still want him to go?

That's some pressure on the friend's mum. I can't imagine how she must feel being responsible over the holiday knowing this. She will be anxious the whole time.

Maybe talk to your son and the friend's mother together.

I think this is possibly the friends mums way of saying that she is now uncomfortable taking your son away.

I understand if the mum would rather he didn't come now. It's a massive worry and responsibility at a time where she should be relaxing as she's on holiday.

While you can't stop him going, I don't think that he should be somebody else's responsibility.

He’s confided in the mum. If she’s still happy to take him, she might get more out of him than you would.

I wonder why he told his friend's mum? I wouldn't want the responsibility of someone else's depressed, self harming teenager on my holiday, to be brutally honest.
Is she still happy for him to go?

The reality is where he is at anytime won't be supervised all the time. That is scary when you have a loved one battling MH

No decision you make will change another person's actions. If he has opened up the subject of self harm I would ask him to meet a GP for assessment.

The most horrible aspect of MH is how actually little impact your actions can have. All you can do is provide access, the person experiencing MH needs to choose to engage with support.

MH first aid advice is ask outright - have they thought about suicide. If they answer yes then professional urgent help is needed.

She hasn't said she isn't unhappy to take him. I think he told her because he thought his friend would be annoyed/disappointed with him as he hadn't done it for months, which was because I took everything off of him, I'm unsure if that was the right thing to do but if he wanted to he would've got something else sooner than now.

Last timewhen he was suicidal and self harming I didn't let him go out on his own and he wasn't at home alone etc which did seem to annoy him but it was also difficult as DP works, as do I part-time and this time if I decide to do that will be even more difficult as younger DS is off school.