So dh is quite depressed I think, but refuses to do anything about it, won't go to gp, won't exercise. He's not drinking alcohol and he's eating quite well so that's good. His dad passed away last year and his family haven't had a memorial service or anything - I don't think this helps.
I've been very supportive but I've had a huge amount of my own problems- my dsis has been extremely ill and I've been looking after my niece as well as visiting ny dsis in hospital. I'm also recovering from two broken bones and have been diagnosed with osteopenia. We have three dcs and I'm trying my best to stay cheerful and upbeat for them.
Dh has basically stopped being kind to me. He's answering everything with a "joke" - usually not funny. ie on hearing I had osteopenia he just said oh well that's no more extreme sports for you. I sort of laughed hollowly but then he said oh better cancel that skiing holiday (we are not planning a ski holiday!). I felt a bit upset as although of course its ridiculous to think of me doing extreme sports, I do feel sad that I need to now think about my bone health and of course things like skiing or horseriding (which I loved) are probably not a good idea. I did say oh come on you could at least say something kind and he just took that as a criticism and said oh I can't say anything, it was just a joke. He's now sulked all night and this morning. He does the same with dd (17, a bit self conscious about her appearance) - last night she got ready to go out and he said oh you look like your mum in that outfit (meaning she had a stripy top and black jeans!) but dd was a bit hurt and said oh thanks I mean I'm 17 not 57! And he took huge offence and gets really self pitying and says everyone is so mean to him.
I think it's the self pity that's really getting to me. And he's expecting me to exhaust myself boosting his mood but not prepared to do the same for me. He never says I look nice, in fact he never complements me at all - I've just finished a college course and passed and although he asked if I'd passed when I said yes he then just doesn't say anything. His communication has never been great but ATM ita awful. I like to talk things out, not dwell, but try and talk about things. He's just withdrawn completely but anything he does say is usually critical. It's exhausting and depressing. For the first time in our 25 year marriage I've started to think that I'm not sure I can live like this for another 30 years. He has started to look very unhealthy too (he's only 53 but looks older), I'm starting to get a bit worried that there's something else going on. He snores very loudly so I've moved into the spare room - this has improved my energy and mood hugely as I am now getting a decent night's sleep despite having to take painkillers. Thanks for reading this essay!