About my husband's behaviour on holiday

[shuhsa]

We recently went on holiday to a place where I have a bunch of family. My husband agreed we could go and we would see them as we wanted on and ad hoc basis.

Last year we went to a place where he knows a lot of people and saw a bunch of his family for some dinners etc.

Both times we stayed separate and didn't over plan anything with family and just arranged things for the days we both wanted to. Last year there was no issue.

This year however it was very different.

We made plans ( usually the day before or day of ) to go for dinner or lunch. I would talk to my husband in detail to make sure he was happy to do it. Then whenever it came to getting ready he would start getting stroppy and saying he couldn't be bothered and didn't want to go after all.

He did this every time we had both mutually agreed on plans. I even cancelled a couple of times because of it.

I understand that things change, but he did it every single time. After he had agreed. I think it was really harsh. I see his family all the time and live away from my own family and I don't complain about it. He couldn't even be bothered to stick to plans when he'd also agreed them and just made me feel bad the entire holiday with his grumpy face and attitude.

YANBU, how selfish! Did you get any answers as to why he behaved like this? I'd have been really upset.

Unless it was every day that you ‘had plans’ on holiday, his behaviour is unacceptable. He should have spoken up before or just manned up and gone.

It wasn't every day. But the key thing is that we would discuss at length if we wanted to do something, he would agree to it and then he would throw a strop when the time came to actually do it. It just soured everything we did. He was always in a mood basically.

Sounds like a mind game. Going along with it then holding it against you to make you look bad. What an arse.

Just go without him

Go without him him. Selfish arse

You should have just gone without him.

what a selfish man. Id be having some words about this behaviour.

My XH used to do this, every time we had something planned that I’d suggested or that I was looking forward to. I found myself not going or going and having a thoroughly miserable time thanks to him, and eventually we only did things he suggested or wanted to do. Which is exactly what he wanted in the first place. Once I’d seen it for what it was, I couldn’t unsee it. And that’s one of the (many) reasons he’s my ex.

it’s not just selfishness, it’s about control I think. It’s not something to be entertained anyway.

I would just arrange to go and stay with family on my own in the next couple of months

if he kicks off i would point out what happened when you visited near his family versus yours and as he k owed off and spoilt your holiday acting like a sulky child you are going to visit your family on your own

That sounds like he is a very controlling person. I had an ex like this and only wanted and enjoyed things with his family and friends. He put down all my friends, isolated me from my own family who he also put down and turns out he was a narcissistic gaslighting psycho who acted all nice in the community but was horrible indoors. Does he try to control you in other parts of your life, I hope you went to see your family when you were there and just left him to sulk. He is sulking to get his own way or does he also do the silent treatment, another emotionally abusive tactic to control you.
I would open up to your family or friends or ring someone to talk to as this cannot be healthy for you if he behaves like this and the holiday the year before you saw his family lots. Do not keep this to yourself as it draws you in further to his emotional abusive behavior. Open up to someone as I kept all to myself and then he was spreading lies and people believed him as he has 2 faces and he was putting me down etc. Wish I had opened up and talked to someone before it all escaled and he had broken me down which was his plan all along as some men do not like to see happy bubbly content women and enjoy tearing them down. Please this is not normal and I hope you talk to somebody. Can you afford to go stay with your family just you and the children to have time away from him so you can see how relaxed and happy you are without him controlling you.

My husband agreed we could go and we would see them as we wanted on and ad hoc basis.

Do you see your family often?

For me it would be a given that I would see my family when I wanted to & husband would come or not as he wished.

Do you like seeing his family?

If not, don't bother-especially as he has now set the precedent!

Ditch the fucker

Definitely plan to go alone next time.
whether he’s still your dh or not!