Would you let your 1 year old keep biting you?

[barbiees]

I know this mum who has a one year old and believes in ' following the child's interests ' in her parenting style.

This is all great.

However her 1 year old has been a huge biter for a few months now and she just keeps letting her bite her. Literally with teeth marks all over herself from where she's been bitten by her child. She's even sent me pics of the bite marks.

I also have a 1 year old who's bitten me once and I said we don't do that. I also have a 4 year old who was bitten a few times at nursery when she was 1 and a half or so and this was a big deal for the nursery who had to tell me about it and write up an incident form etc.

Obviously each to their own, but is this a new trend now to not correct any behaviour from your child as you want to ' follow ' their interest ? This seems to be the explanation behind it.

When I've corrected my children's behaviour in the past, I have felt quite judged by this mum. She believes that we need to not expect too much from kids and is all about gentle parenting/ following their interests. I'm definitely also of the opinion that gentle parenting is the right way to go, but you do have to teach your kids right from wrong in a gentle way.

Yes you can give structure and boundaries while still being gentle. I'm sick of PITA kids that don't have any boundaries because no one has ever said 'no, please don't do that'.

We follow gentle parenting and there is no fucking way I'd allow this. Any violent behaviour at that age is redirected and boundaries enforced, every time. Baby bites, you say no firmly, put them down. Why would anyone think allowing them free reign to bite is a good idea?

Kids need boundaries. My dc knew not to bite whilst still breastfeeding (ask me how I know... Ouch)

She is setting her dc up for a massive shock when they realise that society has rules, by which her child will be judged and by extension so will she. Madness.

What next - she lets him leave the gas on? She let's him run out in the road because he won't hold her hand at the crossing?

My baby doesn't have teeth yet and I'm dreading the first bite 😭

Bloody hell, even dogs discourage their puppies from biting!

No. Not only do I not wish to be repeatedly bitten, but it's really stressful for a child to grow up with no boundaries. We learn the world is safe by learning what is and what isn't allowed.

I and siblings have been bitten several times by my son- when he was overtired and a bit wound up (esp by siblings) or seeking attention between 18m-2y he had a tendency to bite. I would tell him firmly that we don't do that and remove him from the situation (giving lots of attention to sibling if he had bitten sibling), then show/model what I'd like him to do next instead - invariably, when he calmed down, he would go and comfort sibling and try to apologise, so it was very much a heat of the moment thing.

I don't shout or do naughty step and I don't expect my children to necessarily learn the lesson the first time, but I do have a "firm voice" and try to be consistent about what the boundaries are - hurting other people and safety are two big ones. He has now moved on. Most children do understand to an age appropriate level and have to be taught clearly what is the correct behaviour. It's not a choice between authoritarian and gentle.

She's bonkers. She's not a plaything, she's a person and is failing to teach her DC that other people have feelings and don't like being bitten.

I have known kids being excluded from playgroups and nurseries because of this, let alone school.

I've seen a few instagram accounts where it's all like 'oh look I let my child do what she wants and she's still cute, isn't that great' and it's always like a first-time parent who thinks wearing harem trousers and going barefoot is equivalent to parenting and has zero clue what they're letting themselves in for.

I just wouldn't hang out with friends who are dimwits like that, it'll come to a point where you don't want to be around them anyway!

I sometimes have an interest in punching people in the face. I don't, because I was taught at a very young age that hurting other people is wrong.

I probably would hang around much with a parent like this. Today the one year old is biting their mum. Next year they'll be walloping you with a stick, and the year after they'll be chucking rocks at your head. Children find all sorts of things interesting.

No, it's not socially acceptable to encourage one's child to bite.
I was told that they bite when they are finding speaking (or communicating) difficult so I always followed the "no" with trying to help the child express their views in a more civilised and accepted form of communication.
As a parent you do have to keep other people's children safe too. The biter needs removing from the group.

Of course not, and actual gentle parenting doesn't say "never put boundaries in place" anyway. She's just being an idiot, and her child will suffer because of it.

is this a new trend now to not correct any behaviour from your child

I wouldn't call it a trend, so much as being lazy. Even if she doesn't want to address the biting directly with the child, she should be looking at ways to stop it (trying to see if there are any consistent triggers, or if there's any pattern, seeing what can be done before a bite to stop it happening etc).

DS was a biter at that age. We absolutely said no (strongly), moved away, stopped games, imposed consequences etc. Nothing worked unfortunately. He was at nursery and they had trouble stopping it too - really only got better when he could talk and tell people to go away.

He was actually a massively shy and meek little boy, who wouldn’t say boo to a goose - the biting was defensive in nursery (other child hit him or took his toy, and he would bite).

And annoyingly at home with me, it was affectionate - he’d bite me when we were having a good time and he was excited, like a puppy mouthing (he also chewed cuffs, fingers, toys etc).

Redirection and saying no isn’t a magic bullet - it’s a stage they have to grow out of.