To think DS may have a harder time in an all boys school?

[Schoolsadvice]

Hi,

I have a 6 year old son finishing infant school in a year. We're thinking about where to send him next... He is currently in a state school that we've been really happy with. Small class size, lots of individual attention and teachers who know the children well and are generally supportive. Good state schools are now full up, so he can't move into those locally.

There's 2 fee paying options we're considering, one is co-ed and one all boys. People with primary-aged children in single sex education, what do you think? Particularly for boys, does it seem to be more boisterous and harder for a child on the more sensitive/ shy end of the spectrum? I'm wondering if he'd do better in co-ed environment.

So, AIBU to think an all-boys schools may be a harder environment for my shy/ sensitive son? Really interested to hear your experiences.

I'm a bit confused.
If he is already in a good state school you are really happy with, why do you want to move him? Why not let him progress into the Juniors with his peers ?

Where will the rest of his class from infant school go?

I also don't understand. If he's in a state infant school then there must be a state junior school. It won't be full up for his year group yet because you have to apply for it in the first term of Year 2.

In my experience it’s not really more boisterous (especially if the school is quite academic !), the main difference I observed moving from state to boys private school is the emphasis on sports, especially team sports (football/cricket/rugby). If a boy really hates sports, then that will be less enjoyable for them, as there is a huge amount of time allocated to Games and PE in boys private schools! But that is not linked to shyness/boisterousness, shy children can be very sporty and physically able.

What sex does your child play with now? Having had 3 children in mixed schools, what never ceases to amaze me is how sex-based their friendships usually are, especially from age about 6. As in - girls play with girls amd boys with boys.

That being said - personally speaking I am in favour of mixed schools, as I think it’s important to have exposure to the opposite sex, even if for most of the time the interaction ia actually limited - and it increases diversity of thought.

It depends on the school. Both my DSs are at a highly rated state school for boys and although there is a lot of sport, they also have a very successful dance and drama dept and art dept. Neither of mine participate in traditional sports. Both are quite quiet and eldest is possibly ASC, and I was concerned when the eldest started how it would be for him but they've both got on so well. The pastoral care is excellent.

Thanks for your replies.

The particular infant school my son attends isn’t associated with any particular junior school. The children seem to head off to many different schools after the infant school that he is at. If there were a really good juniors it naturally fed into we would be likely to choose that option, but unfortunately that’s not an available option.

Thats a really good point about team sports. My son actually hates those, he recently asked to leave the after school sports club I had put him in ( I’d thought he would enjoy it). He’s now left that club. I might wait until September and look at the clubs offered by the different school, and ask about the amount of time during the school day spent in PE. He’s had fewer than average friends since starting school, but equal numbers from each gender so far. He’s good at keeping friends once he’s made them but slower to gain them… I think because he’s a bit lacking in social confidence.

And thank you for letting me know about the good pastoral care available at your sons’ school. I think that’ll be important for my DS, so I’ll have to find a way of finding out from the school how good their pastoral care actually is.

It really depends on the school. We moved our ( now adult) DS from a mixed state infant school to a boys' prep at 7 as he was in a very large class and had stopped doing any work! He was diagnosed with ASD aged 11 so we didn't know that that was causing a major sensory overload, we just knew he needed something calmer.

The boys' school was / still is a bit quirky, encouraging, not stereotypically male (whatever that means), wide range of activities both in and out of the classroom, academically very good with supportive staff etc. They spotted his 'individuality ' and played to his strengths and accommodated his dislike of sport. I could go on but the main thing really is to visit a school - not just on open day - and get a feel for how you might see your son there. What's the atmosphere like? Do the children seem happy and engaged? Are the teachers enthusiastic and welcoming? Obviously the standard of teaching and learning matters too! There are more important considerations than single sex if everything else fits.

Thanks, again good thoughts. I hope the school were supportive once your son got the ASD diagnosis. A good SENCO is something I’ll be looking for on the school tours… my son doesn’t have any specific diagnosis at the moment, but his attention is tricky at school, so I do wonder if he will up with one/ just need extra support in school.

My DS was quite shy/sensitive and was at a Co-ed primary and for most of the time had just one friend which varied but he wasn’t disliked by rest of class. Think they were just a bit indifferent to him.

He is heading into yr10 now at an excellent boy’s secondary school (no other boys from his primary got a place or wanted to go) in a different area to where we live and has settled in well over past 3 yrs. He found his people. I was surprised but he was ok.

@Schoolsadvice

We were very lucky that his school handled him sympathetically, even without a formal diagnosis. They found niches for him eg helping with the lighting in the play, assistant scorer at swimming sports, librarian.He had a couple of close friends and that was enough.
He was actually diagnosed 2 weeks before starting secondary school (also all boys) which was a concern but they were great really. By the 2nd year he was allowed to do alternative activities rather than PE / Games! He's a very keen swimmer, runner and cyclist now (no teams!) so no harm done.
He had on-going support in certain subjects as his main problem was what's now termed executive function ie organising his work and time. His ability was not in doubt.
He had one to one support during GCSEs as there was a lot of coursework then, which is a challenge for many people with ASD.
This was also an independent school.

In your shoes I'd be looking for flexibility in schools' approach to the children in their care and a willingness to have a genuine dialogue. Plus an experienced Senco.

I wouldn't pick a single sex school, especially if the boy has no sisters at home.

From a teacher point of view I think generally girls do well in an all girls school and boys in a co ed setting.

I went to an all girls school and have one sister. I also only took part in girl heavy clubs outside of school… I do think it took quite a few years to get used to speaking to men after school! This experience I think fed into my original question.

the boys school in question does have really good SEN support though, which would likely be very helpful.

I will view them both. The boys school has a sister school ( there’s some limited mixing between the 2). I thought I might ask during the look around what the differences in emphasis are between the 2 schools ( boys junior vs girls junior)- I feel that could give an interesting insight.

My son is at a boys school (he has sisters or I wouldn’t have considered it), after co-ed earlier on.
He loves it, and loves the sports side in particular. It’s not boisterous, and I remember an exercise in Y5 where as part of PSHE the boys had to write down on a google slides doc what they did when they were worried about something. You could see what all the boys had written and I happened to see it and was amazed at how they all happily wrote ‘I talk to my mum’ and even ‘I cry’ or ‘i hug my favourite teddy bear’.

I remember thinking that even as a 10 year old girl I would not have admitted quite so much of this to my class, and it was great that they felt comfortable doing so. All that to say that boys and boys school are much nicer and softer places than they used to be.

But that being said, from the age of 12 he was pining to do activities with the adjoining girls school, and would get so excited about this, which made me sad. I feel sad that he will have no normal, everyday conversations with girls (except his sisters and their friends which I strongly encourage), and that he won’t really have any friends that are girls. It will all go straight to ‘girlfriends’. So personally, all things being equal, I think a CoEd education leads to a more rounded individual.

@EllaB22 I think you are correct. Seen too many young men when I was at university who were emotionally damaged by being at a boys school.