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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can't be bothered to leave house anymore

31 replies

Finlesswonder · 31/07/2023 17:58

I'm in my 30s and I just can't really be fucked with leaving the house anymore? I work from home, have done for a decade.
I'd rather shop online. Make myself a nice dinner and watch something or read. Potter around the house, I don't know, moisturise, check in on some of the forums I follow.
I am close to my family but they're scattered, I do go and see them and love hanging out with them. I do have friends and will happily go to the cinema or out for to eat or for a few jars.
But other than that I just can't be fucked to leave the house. I'm not really interested in getting a hobby 😄
They say its a symptom of depression but...can you just basically be happy with your own inner world?

OP posts:

M0nica44 · 31/07/2023 18:03

I totally think you should do what makes you happy, but by your own admission you do go out, with family and friends?! 🤔

DeeCeeCherry · 31/07/2023 18:05

I suppose you can. Bit of a dry way to live this one life though. A screen is your joy. Do you go for walks, go out just to appreciate a nice day? I wonder if your lifestyle will still suit you in 10 years time? Time flies. But it's your life choice and if you're happy then all good, I guess.

Original poster

Finlesswonder · 31/07/2023 18:05

@M0nica44
True, but it's quite sporadic. I'd say I go out once a week and I just feel like this external pressure to be out and about every day or at the very least every other day.

OP posts:

Mothew · 31/07/2023 18:06

can you just basically be happy with your own inner world?

I am, but I'm considerably older than you and have lived my life. I think you have to do what you're happy with but be open to opportunities for new friendships, relationships, work - and be mindful you may not always be content to stay at home. Don't let life pass you by.

Original poster

Finlesswonder · 31/07/2023 18:06

@DeeCeeCherry
No I don't, and that's what makes me feel...almost guilty.

OP posts:

Market1 · 31/07/2023 18:08

I'm very happy to spend my life like this too, unfortunately if I don't go out and exercise I get fat and unhealthy,, so it the long run I know I'm better off going out regularly - I agree, I don't feel like it though- perfectly happy at home on my own

Original poster

Finlesswonder · 31/07/2023 18:09

I had quite a traumatic experience where I spent years living in a mountain village with a guy, it was really intense and against everything I was used to (going out a lot, getting out and about, etc).

Now that that's ended and I'm back to being where I want to be, it's like I feel quite withdrawn and am living that mountain life but not in the mountains anymore, and I'm just wonderiñg whether this is my new personality or I'm in shock or what.

OP posts:

M0nica44 · 31/07/2023 18:09

Nah, sounds like you have the best of both worlds to me!

M0nica44 · 31/07/2023 18:10

Replied before I saw this, if it worries you then maybe you should take some time to think more about it.

DinoMummsy · 31/07/2023 18:33

Yanbu, I love hanging out on my own, reading, cuppa and a nice snack I don't have to share, maybe doing some yoga, watching something on tv, glass of red in hand. Bliss!

5128gap · 31/07/2023 18:35

I think a lot more people feel like you than admit it. Which is evidenced by how popular lockdown was with so many, and how many people talk about how much they enjoyed it.

BinFace · 31/07/2023 18:41

Can you say a bit more about your traumatic experience? It’s odd if you previously enjoyed going out etc.

I’d be quite worried in your situation about a number of risks, from vit D deficiency to lack of physical exercise to depression to cognitive decline- lack of social contact is a major factor in this. I realise MN is a place with a large proportion of introverts who see the value in time alone, but this isn’t how humans have evolved to live all or most of the time and by and large it isn’t very good for us.

Theforeverhome · 31/07/2023 18:47

Over the last few years, since starting peri menopause and especially following the pandemic, unless I have a specific reason to go somewhere, I have become ever more happy to stay at home. However, I have a large garden and I’m usually out there, enjoying nature and getting in 10000+ steps. When I go out of the boundary line now, I line up all the places that I need to go to get it over and done with in one trip. I’m quite content with my little world although I do wonder whether there is a mild form of agoraphobia that I’ve got.

Fearnecuptea · 31/07/2023 18:47

The fact that you've listed moisturising as something you'd rather do than interact with people makes me think you absolutely must start forcing yourself to get out more!

I say that in the kindest possible way.

Xrays · 31/07/2023 18:50

Are you getting any exercise at home? If not then that’s what would worry me about just staying in all the time. It’s not good for your health long term in that respect otherwise.

Original poster

Finlesswonder · 31/07/2023 18:53

@BinFace
Well, I basically spent those 5 years in enforced isolation, and then by the end of it the relationship turned really complicated. Without wanting to sound melodramatic it took every drop of strength I had to get out, not just of the relationship but I mean physically leave where I was living.
I thought that by leaving and coming to s place that was my choice, with lots of life around me, I would get back to the old me. But instead I'm living in a way that's just as withdrawn as the past 5 years. It's been 3 months so I don't know if I'm just rushing myself, or if this is my new personality, or whether I'm depressed without realising it, whether I should be worried or what!

OP posts:

oviraptor21 · 31/07/2023 18:53

I do worry about how the wfh shift has for many people cemented this very insular way of life. I can't help but think that this is bad both physically and mentally and that we are (again) storing up a load of health issues in a few years time.

oviraptor21 · 31/07/2023 18:54

But having read your update there is obviously a lot more to it than that. Have you had any counselling?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/07/2023 18:56

It’s up to you! Do you have a nice house? I expect that’s fairly key

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/07/2023 18:56

Just read your update - sorry. I think counselling is probably very important in that case.

whydoidothistomyself · 31/07/2023 18:57

I can’t understand this, really. I like being home, but it has to be an exception rather than the rule - it’s the summer holidays now and has been for 10 days, and tomorrow is my first day without plans. And I’ll probably go out on my own and maybe see a film or something. I love to socialise and I would find it very depressing to stay in the house all the time.

It’s up to you how you want to live your life, though, and if you’re going out once a week you’re not exactly a hermit!

Needmorelego · 31/07/2023 18:58

There’s a meme or something I’ve seen which says something like “I’m not antisocial but home is where all my stuff is”.
I like being at home. Doing my “things” with my stuff - Lego, reading, crafting etc. A bit of watching tv, internet.
Food shops I mostly do online now and sometimes I order stuff for home delivery from shops like The Works. I don’t mind going to the shops sometimes but it’s actually the behaviour and loudness of other people on public transport that does my head in. So I cut that out and order instead.
If I am going to go shopping I like rummaging in charity shops or car boot sales.
I’ve never been one for going “out out”.
My daughter has recently discovered she loves the theatre and cinema so we do go to that a lot - but given a choice of stay home and get on with stuff that I enjoy or “go out” - I would rather stay in.
I can also spend an hour in the bath.

ItsMyUkelele · 31/07/2023 18:59

I don't think you sound depressed if you enjoy your own company and you're spending time in your own company?

I'd love to not have to leave the house. Have to go to the office twice a week and I don't sleep the night before and always get the collywobbles. I hate going in, I'd give my right arm for a wfh job.

Your life sounds perfect to me!

billy1966 · 31/07/2023 19:00

OP, could it be that having been so brave as to leave a very difficult situation, having psyched yourself up to do so, you are de compressing in your own time?

Have you considered counselling for what you have experienced?

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 31/07/2023 19:00

What do you mean by enforced isolation?

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