To ask if this is ADHD/autistic traits or something else

[Puzzledmomtoday]

DS11 is lovely but has some challenging behaviours. I’m not sure if it’s because he thinks it’s funny or there is something else going on but is seems like he’s 2 different children some days so I’d like to ask you wise mumsnetters for your opinion, please be kind as I’m really worried and just want to know how best to support him. NC for this.

The behaviour is:

1. Always a mile a minute, speaks fast, thinks fast, very frustrated if asked to hold on a minute if he’s saying something and I’m busy in that moment/answering another child and worried he’ll forget what he was going to say, struggles to wait his turn and gets visibly frustrated also always on the move, pacing when talking etc. but can also sit still to watch films, read books and follow complex plot lines.
2. Seems to struggle with simple things, asked him to have a bath, ran it for him. 30mins later he comes out, still not bathed, no reason why not, just been stood staring at the water. Eating habits are awful and seems to struggle with holding his fork, drops food etc. But no problems at school, meeting all expectations academically, walks there and back on time with a friend.
3. Very emotional, can’t see other people’s points of view unless really spelt out to him most of the time and can be quite self absorbed but loves small children and great with toddlers/babies in the family and sometimes really kind and thoughtful in sharing sweets, picking a gift etc.
4. Hates change, hates getting rid of old clothes, doesn’t like new things unless he’s picked them. Absolutely no compromise on activities, if he doesn’t want to do them it’s sulking all day regardless of if we are cajoling or us ignoring, consequences etc. but also ok with going to a new school which is a huge change (although he doesn’t want to talk to new people there).

Generally he can be the most loving, amazing boy and then it’s like a switch is flipped and he’s really hard to deal with. No correlation with anything I can think of it’s just like Jekyll and Hyde. His teachers have said he’s hard to make out as some days he is engaged and can answer difficult questions well etc and other days it’s like he’s a different child, just stares blankly and has never seen any of it before and can’t answer even simple questions.

When he’s in a bad period I am certain something is wrong and think about seeking professional help and then he seems to snap out of it.

Sorry for the huge post, I just don’t know what to do. Keep waiting for him to grow out of it but it’s not showing any signs of improving and is impacting on us as well as his friendships and siblings. I don’t want him to be teased at his next school and I think he will be if he carries on like this! Can symptoms of ADHD or autism etc. come and go?

Sounds like my 10 year old ADHD son. He does have autistic traits but they aren't officially diagnosed as he already has a diagnosis for ADHD and they have many overlapping features.

Has he always been like this, or at least since Reception? Is he good at making friends? Going to busy/loud places? Does he sleep well? Does he make back and forth conversation or does it just feel he talks ‘at you’ in length?

Id certainly look at investing ADHD. At that age I could read a million books and happily sit through a film. Now I’m older I can’t manage either, it takes too much concentration energy. ASD without learning difficulties is trickier to distinguish, there has to be longstanding social and emotional delays. Enjoying the company of those much younger or older than their age is often one trait, but not something that makes it definite.

Sounds very similar to my now 15 year old son except for the hyperactivity. He was diagnosed 18 months ago with inattentive attention deficit disorder. He struggles academically, although we live in Spain where there's a lot of rote learning.

Sounds like my DD14 who has ASD and ADHD

ASD without learning difficulties is trickier to distinguish, there has to be longstanding social and emotional delays

My Dd was diagnosed with level one. She doesn’t have social or emotional delays. Has sensory processing disorder, anxiety and some mutism. But no delays in anything.

Thank you all for your help and comments. Do you recognise it “switching” on and off?

It started when he was about 4 years old, he was a dream baby and toddler. I just thought it was late terrible 2’s for a while.

He is good at making friends and will talk to anyone/invite them over, they’ll be his best buddy etc. He usually has 1 or 2 friends but if they fall out is crushed until he finds someone else. However it can be exhausting being talked at rather than to so I can understand why they get fed up.

He’s also fine in busy or loud places, theme parks, soft play etc.

Sometimes it’s definitely being talked at, topics I know nothing about and I’m not really interested in but I try to engage, mainly the problem is the speed his talking and like it’s a download.

He sleeps ok, regular bedtime at 9ish and sleeps until about 8am or later if not a school day. He used to have sleepwalking and sleep talking but that hasn’t happened for a couple of years.

No academic issues and scored highly on his Sats recently.

Yes, a lot there that sounds like my DC (12) with ADHD.

Personally I think it sounds more like possible ADHD with overlapping ASD traits (as ADHD can have within itself) but you can have both and still be highly academic.
My eldest has no issue with achieving good grades but diagnosed with both. The issue with both or either condition with no additional learning difficulties is not the ability to get good grades, it’s the symptoms and trying to keep on top of them over time can cause a huge burnout. Usually around GCSE time unfortunately.

Anxiety is a symptom of social and/or emotional processing delay especially in girls with autism. It usually presents as anxiety because girls usually have higher tendency to mask than boys. In fact girls have often been diagnosed with every type of mental health issue going before it’s recognised as autism. You can have anxiety and sensory processing disorder but not have autism.

Are their any resources or coping mechanisms any of you with experience of ASD or ADHD have found useful?

I did wonder if it was this but because he can then go for a week with no symptoms I wasn’t sure but maybe he masks and then gets worn out from it and the symptoms show again.

A senior pyschologist and SALT diagnosed her…….