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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling hurt- probably BU!

9 replies

Plankingplanks · 31/07/2023 16:23

Just got back from an amazing holiday with DH, DS's and DSD. Lots of fun had by all. This was only the second time we had taken all kids away with us and only the third time DH has been away with his DD (16). Until we got together he could never really afford to take her away.

We took lots of pictures, well mainly I did and I've put them in a Facebook album so we can all see them etc.

I hardly ever go on Instagram, but DH uses that a lot more than he does Facebook. Anyway I went on there the other day as I got a notification from something and looked at DHs page. He has posted up lots of pictures of him and DSD on holiday and not a single one with me in it, or with my DC.

Anyone looking at it would think he went away just with her. For some reason I feel really hurt by this. I mean it's of absolutely no relevance to my life what he puts on Instagram and I know he's probably just pleased that he had some good pics of him and DSD, but I still can't help but feel hurt.

I asked him why he didn't put any up of the whole family or him and me and he just said he didn't realise that he hadn't. I said it hurt and he said he didn't mean it.

I know I'm probably being totally unreasonable...

OP posts:
CherryMaDeara · 31/07/2023 16:25

YANBU, that's shit. Are your dc his as well?

Could it be that he's trying to impress his ex that his dad of the year?

Did you pay for the holiday / or most of it?

SeulementUneFois · 31/07/2023 16:25

Look very carefully at the relationship OP.
Is there any whiff that part of why he's with you is what you do for him, both financially and chores , childcare wise?

Original poster
Plankingplanks · 31/07/2023 16:26

I earn more so technically probably paid more but we just pool finances. He's not friends with his ex on anything so I don't think it's that. I genuinely think he was excited that he took her on a holiday (she's never agreed to come before) but for some reason it really hurts

OP posts:
coldseedlessgrapes · 31/07/2023 16:28

If the boys are younger maybe he thought that they wouldn't see them anyway, but possibly his 16year old might, so chose those photos?

Original poster
Plankingplanks · 31/07/2023 16:28

My DC are not his and mine are used to going on holidays regularly (once a year) so this trip was nothing special to them.

We have a really good relationship and I'm not worried about him cheating or being with me for the wrong reasons.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plankingplanks · 31/07/2023 16:30

coldseedlessgrapes · 31/07/2023 16:28

If the boys are younger maybe he thought that they wouldn't see them anyway, but possibly his 16year old might, so chose those photos?

My DS is the same age as his DD

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dontgobaconmyheart · 31/07/2023 16:32

YANBU but clearly he wants the world to see that he's on holiday with his DD or he wouldn't be purposefully portraying it as perhaps more than it is (since it sounds like it hasn't been a regular occurrence. Perhaps it's an insecurity of his and he wants it to outwardly seem as though he paid for the holiday on hisown /is successful now/spends lots of time with his DD. Bit sad if so.

Clearly wants to show it off to someone OP or he would have bothered. Whatever he says the photos didn't select, take and upload themselves.

I wouldn't leap to taking it as him lacking interest in you and your DC but would probably take it as a (slightly reaching) attempt to portray himself a certain way to certain people on social media.

cruffinsmuffin · 31/07/2023 16:34

Perhaps he thought it would be a bit odd to post pictures with your sons on his social media? Probably easier to just post him and his daughter, rather than include step kids and you too, because if he included you and him and his daughter then it would be weird to not include your children too, so a safer option just to post himself and his daughter?

Unsure, tbh I wouldn't have tonight anyone of it seeing someone's holiday photos, I don't think anyone will analyse them that much.

Original poster
Plankingplanks · 31/07/2023 16:48

dontgobaconmyheart · 31/07/2023 16:32

YANBU but clearly he wants the world to see that he's on holiday with his DD or he wouldn't be purposefully portraying it as perhaps more than it is (since it sounds like it hasn't been a regular occurrence. Perhaps it's an insecurity of his and he wants it to outwardly seem as though he paid for the holiday on hisown /is successful now/spends lots of time with his DD. Bit sad if so.

Clearly wants to show it off to someone OP or he would have bothered. Whatever he says the photos didn't select, take and upload themselves.

I wouldn't leap to taking it as him lacking interest in you and your DC but would probably take it as a (slightly reaching) attempt to portray himself a certain way to certain people on social media.

I think this may have hit the nail on the head. He wants people to see that she came away with him. This is the first time he has spent this long away with her and I know it is a big thing for him.

I don't think it's about him wanting other people to think he paid for it etc but wanting to show off that she came away with him makes complete sense.

I actually felt myself relax a bit when I read that.

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