To ask what made you decide to have a child?

[ForestGoblin]

And did the reason turn out to be as you'd hoped/expected?

There's the fear of not having them then the fear of having them, but I don't know any person who wouldn't do anything for their kids. However hard and soul destroying kids can be every parent I know would die for their child

It was just something I always wanted and couldn’t imagine a life without. I imagined that life as being married and having a partner to be an equal during, and wanted many kids. I had one at 22 and never got past miscarriages afterwards. Raised her alone since she was 1 (now 11). It's been too hard on my own to try again for another and I'm almost out of time anyway. I accept that, and that it didn't work out for me but I do feel really sad about it sometimes. And lonely. I cant regret it though.

I just really wanted one, no identifiable reason behind it, I just did. So far it has actually been a little bit easier than expected, so far they have both been relatively easy children, so I’m guessing they’ll be nightmare teens. Still very very happy with my decision.

When I fell pregnant, I was 44, childless, had been told 10 years earlier that I was 'most unlikely to conceive', and it felt like a one-time chance that would never be repeated.

It is the best decision I have ever made 😊

I got to my late 30s, absolutely loved my life but after some serious soul searching came to the conclusion that if I didn’t at least try then I’d probably regret it. Got pregnant very quickly and to be honest I totally freaked out. Because I thought that is was 38 it wasn’t likely to happen. Also I was a healthcare worker in the middle of the pandemic. I remember crying to dp when I found out. Unfortunately I went on to lose that baby at 31 weeks, very suddenly and without warning, which put me into a very dark place, as you can imagine. I then became absolutely desperate to be a mum. Totally obsessed. I got pregnant very quickly and miscarried that one. Then got pregnant immediately after that and that was now my 19mo daughter and now I also have a 5 week old son. They’re amazing and the best thing that ever happened to me and I thank the universe every day that I have them. I think going through a stillbirth really changed the way I see life and what really matters.

My age, PCOS (potentially knowing I'd struggle to conceive), and my desire for a baby.

Is parenting as we expected? Unfortunately... it's much much harder than we ever expected he is 1 now, and whilst a joy, he's also very testing (or maybe DH and I need to work on our patience).

We wouldn't change it. But we're also knackered, aged, and are snappy. We miss our holidays, fancy dinners, relaxing/lazy days, and freedom.

Oh and we miss our clean, picture-perfect home.
It now has DS's snot on our wool throws etc.

Pure animal instinct.
I was just desperate. I longed for children.
There was no logical reason.

@BurntWindowcleaner

Blimey, I could've written verbatim you're post. My DS is now 10. The 0-3 was horrendous. I was so ill and virtually regretted having him.

But we have the most incredible life, I wouldn't change a hair on his head. I have found a love I never knew existed. A sense of full purpose. My life is totally fulfilled and complete. There will be bumps in the road I am sure, but everyday I try my best.

I am sad those early years were so awful, but we are what we are today.

Childfree people are criticised for being 'selfish', so I think it's good to ask this question. There really isn't much logic given by most people, simply 'I wanted one.'

Just a very deep need. I had to leave my first husband because he didn't want kids, had a vasectomy and it nearly broke me. It made me accept though that it was essential to me at least to try.

As a result I never quite got over just being 'allowed' to get pregnant. I was always grateful to dh for that. Ds coming along was very far from being easy and we had huge difficulties along the way, but he was also an absolute joy from start to finish. Having said that, the need just stopped as soon as I got pregnant and I never felt it again, huge relief tbh.

I just always knew children would be part of my future. If I couldn't have children myself I would have adopted, I was certain.
If I was single I would have done it alone. So it never really felt like a choice to me.
I dont regret it at all but I wish I had given more thought to the life I was giving up. That being said - I definitely lived life to the full in my 20s and I'm glad I didn't have kids until my 30s.

I've never understood that. There's someone like me who has no logical reason to add more people to the world, it's just "me want babies".
Then there are childfree people who have sat down, analysed everything and come up with very good reasons why parenthood is not the right choice for them.

They aren't the selfish ones! The selfish one is old Me Want Babies over here.

For me it was a desperate need. I had an abusive childhood so having children was my only opportunity to experience a loving family. The first year was so hard as DS was high needs and having him brought my childhood trauma to the surface. However after that first year it has been an utter joy and the love I feel around me every day has helped (along with EMDR) to heal me. I take such pride and joy in seeing my DS experience a different childhood and go through life undamaged by those who are meant to love you.

Didn’t get together with DH until I was 34 (some seriously crappy relationships and a good chunk of being single for ages beforehand). Always thought we’d be childfree as many of my friends are and we had a great life of travel and I was (& still am) career focussed. Got to 36 and it played on my mind, then close to 37 it seriously dominated my thoughts. DH was ambivalent as he’s 7 yrs older, so I was the driving force and he went along with it. Got pregnant first try then had a miscarriage at 12wks. It cemented in both of us the desire to have a child. Pregnant again a few months later and had DS at 37.

I was still worried about whether I’d be a good parent as had spent so many years just thinking about my own needs. To the extent a few weeks before my due date I said to my mum, “what if I regret this?”, she reassured me I wouldn’t and she was right (even when DS is being a little sod, which at 9 is happening with an extra bit of attitude thrown in!). I loved my maternity leave but going back to work helped keep a sense of me. DH was set on one and done, I did want another but had to respect his choice. Wish I’d pushed a bit harder as he’s since said it wouldn’t have been too bad having another, but who knows what a second would have bought along?

What I’ve learnt to accept with any decision you make, is that having to make a decision means giving up something. No decision comes without a loss. You either stick with what you have / know or take a leap into the unknown.

Love kids, always have but as a gay woman there was no expectation to have kids. I told DW I would like to try as I didn’t want to turn round one day and regret that I didn’t have kids, and it happened quickly and easily for us, twice.
wouldn’t have gone down the IVF route or anything like that if there was issues.
If we hadn’t had kids I probably would have retrained to work with kids. As it is I donvolunteer work with kids and coach a kids sports team on top of my day Jo anyway.

no regrets, adore our kids and my life with them has been incredibly rich.

I wanted the kind of family life that involves a child- a life with a child’s drawings pinned to the fridge and a sticky little hand taking mine and watching the wonder in little eyes at everything and feeling little chubby arms wrap around me for a hug and teaching them things and learning from them and watching them grow. Probably a lot of instinct, hormones and/ or societal expectations were involved too. It took over 4 years, 2 early losses and 2 IVF transfers to get DD and it has been so much better than I ever imagined. Also the second she was born I knew she was enough and I didn’t need or want any more (neither does DH).

I was approaching 35 so it was really, if we’re going to do this best get on with it! Biology deffo had my hormones pinging…

A higher being.

I had tried with my ex husband for years, did everything short of IVF. Consultant said I'd never get pregnant. Split up with DH, we both met new partners. First time I slept with new partner I got pregnant. At the same time as my ExDHs new partner did. I became a single parent (suited me) and son is now 33. Would never have deliberately tried after my divorce.

Was a surprise and tbh that was the best outcome for us. I don't think I'd have done very well planning it as I'd never have found the "right" time and would have found trying very stressful.

First experience better than I ever could have possibly imagined. Second experience was harder than I ever could have possibly imagined (very small gap though). Wouldn't change it for the world though x

I just had an inner knowing that I wanted to have a child. Never questioned it.

The "result" has been beyond anything I ever anticipated - way better.

I always liked babies and imagined having a family of my own since I was a kid myself. I fell pregnant at 19 after a short relationship, he didn't want to be involved but I realised I really wanted the baby and already felt connected to the life inside me. I went on to have 4 children, all in my 20s. I just kept wanting another until I felt completely done and then I got sterilised.

I have always known I wanted children, ever since being little. I am on the younger side for having two kids. No regrets. Of course it’s hard sometimes but I wouldn’t go back and change it.

I actually never wanted kids and then I found out I was pregnant at 14 weeks..🥲

As soon as I found out though everything changed! Maternal instincts kicked in instantly and now I adore children!

As much as I love being a mum now my god it is so hard and nothing can prepare you for it!