Aibu for not inviting her?

[BlooninGold]

I work in a department of around 10 women. I organise meals and drinks for us and two of them always say no. Absolutely fine, some people don’t like socialising with colleagues.

This weekend I went out with just two of them. I’m close with them and they are my friends outside work. The person that always says no has messaged me this morning to say she feels left out etc.

Firstly she wasn’t the only one not invited and I’d never do a group thing and invite all but one person. Secondly I’m not going to keep going out of my way to invite someone who always says no and doesn’t organise anything herself.

No, she is being ridiculous and just looking to pick a fight. You have done nothing wrong OP.

Ignore her, it was a date between mates not a group outing.

She’s being ridiculous. It wasn’t even a work thing, it was a weekend thing with people you’re mates with. You’re not obliged to invite everyone every time you do anything with mates who are also colleagues.

Of course not . Tell her if you feel a need to reply it was a mates night out not a work night out .

Tell her it wasn't work related but you'd be thrilled if she'd organise a work night out

How did she find out?
Perhaps she assumes it was a work thing if she’s seen a photo on social media and had been working up to saying yes next time there’s a night out, or thinking she’d have gone to a smaller night out as hates big groups for socialising. But anyway YANBU, I’m just trying to see her side.

Perhaps reply that you are rather disappointed that she's never invited you to anything at all...

" no need to feel
left out! This was just the three of us on a friends dinner. Of course you'll always be included on the group nights out! Have a great weekend"

It’s hardly going out of your way to keep including the 2 “no” people in a group invitation with a work department. It’s literally no effort at all, and as it’s their workplace it’s the right thing to do.

Is there any way she could have reasonably thought this was another full group outing? Like if you put a photo on Facebook of 3 of you at the bar, it could be assumed to be 3 of 8 in the shot? If so, I’d reply “not a group thing” politely but with no apology. If it was obviously not the group, I’d not be rude but I’d be less polite - and still no apology.

But I would still include her on the group invitations, especially as there are 2 that say no - dropping her in revenge but not the other is definitely edging to bullying.

Just let her know that it wasn’t one of the full team events you organise, and say that you’re pleased she might be up for the next one of those.

This. I wouldn't reply by text though. I would address the situation in person tomorrow

I'd text back. You have it in writing then, if she decides to take it any further.

She's probably assumed everyone was there/was invited.
Let her know it was just a couple of you, so not a work's thing, and I like the addition of "look forward to seeing you on the next one."

Only thing that might be worth thinking about. Was this a different time/place? Because let's say you always go out Thursday evening with work, maybe she can't make Thursday but could come at the weekend. So she looks at it and thinks "typical, one I could have made, and I wasn't asked."
If you're feeling kind you could check this isn't the case and, if other people are also agreeable, sometimes go for a time she can make.

It wasn’t a work night out then. It was a night out with 2 actual friends, you just happen to work with them. Just tell her that. And remind her that she will of course be invited to the next work night out and can decide whether or not to come, but that as she hasn’t come before you’re surprised to receive a message like this from her.