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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have tipped the waitress a fiver?

55 replies

listsandbudgets · 30/07/2023 15:46

I went out for lunch with a friend yesterday - basic pub grub type of place.

The waitress was absolutely lovely. She found water for the dog without being asked, cleared efficiently , came over quickly if we were trying to get her attention and generally did her job very cheerfully. It may sound silly but she made a "pub grub" meal feel quite upmarket.

She was obviously very young - maybe 15 or 16 a I thought given how well she was working I'd give her a fiver (we only spent £25 so it was quite a good percentage tip) She seemed pleased

After we left my friend berated me saying that she was far too young for such a big tip and was only doing her job and that she'd just spend it on "crap" anyway and it would give her unreasonable expectations about life... and she hoped I wasn't going to expect her to contribute as she'd never have tipped anyone so young anyway as they don't really need the money.

I think she might soon be an ex friend!

So was IBU or have I led the poor girl into a path of unreasonable expectation and buying endless "crap"

OP posts:

SamW98 · 30/07/2023 16:14

YANBU. Your friend is a tight arsed misery guts. I often meet my friend for a pub dinner and we always round the bill up. And the usually student server is always delighted to get a tip of any sort.

willWillSmithsmith · 30/07/2023 16:16

You sound lovely, your friend does not.

itsmylife7 · 30/07/2023 16:17

She sounds bloody draining OP.
Lovely thing to do for the waitress.

CrystalPalaceAlice · 30/07/2023 16:22

I worked in a hotel years ago & a lady gave me a £1 tip. It didn’t give me unreasonable expectations 😆just great surprise & joy at getting such a big tip all for myself.

I’d ditch the bitch who begrudged a hard working youngster a fiver.

Suspific · 30/07/2023 16:26

I spent about 8 quid on chocolate from Aldi the other day. Would your friend judge me for spending my money on crap?

You gave what you thought was a fair thank you for an excellent service. What your friend thinks is irrelevant because it's not her money. My friends spend their money on microblading to make their eyebrows look worse. I don't judge. It's their money and they can do what they want with it.

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/07/2023 16:30

WhateverMate · 30/07/2023 16:02

This cannot be a serious question OP.

You gave someone a tip - well done but really, you need to ask? 🙄

I've just read the MN PA thread and think you meant to post there.

momager1 · 30/07/2023 16:30

former (retired) restaurant owner. Sold the restaurant just 5 months ago. Here is what you did OP . You set that girl up to be amazing at her job. Alot of future customers will gain from her great service as a good tip is an incentive to keep up the fantastic service to your guests! A server (especially young and inexperienced) can feel totally defeated after a long shift of shitty tips and rude people. Maybe then their next shift they would not be so bubbly. In my restaurant all our servers kept all their tips, no combining them (except a small pc of sales tipped out to kitchen) By allowing them not to pool the tips and keep their own, The cream of the crop became apparent, and the the crappy ones moved on (or were moved on) quickly. You made her night. Your friend would not be anyone I would want to dine with in ANY establishment with table service (or ever..anywhere)

Newyearnewmeow · 30/07/2023 16:31

Your friend is a tight miserable cow

blahblahblah1654 · 30/07/2023 16:33

Your friend sounds like a nasty tight arse

UsingChangeofName · 30/07/2023 16:35

Wow, your friend is strange.
What on earth has her age got to do with it ?
If anything, you could argue that you have helped her learn that 'going the extra mile' does pay.

Ohmylovejune · 30/07/2023 16:35

Well done!

I was once given a hard time by my employer in front of a whole silver service restaurant. She was an old bag and we were used to it but one very kind customer didn't know that. He gave me £20 (huge for 1980s!) and said thanks for the service which was great and hopefully this would go someway to helping me escape! We had a lovely chat about my college course and my hopes for the future. I've never forgotten him and I'm 56 now! It's lovely to share ... well done.

pontipinemum · 30/07/2023 16:37

I wouldn't consider £5 a big tip (and believe me I'm not a big tipper!) It is a perfectly fine tip and not too big, it's what I would probably tip myself in a similar situation. Your friend is a stinge and I bet she's one of those that you read on here that would pocket the tip if sorting a bill divided between friends was left to her.

TheBeautifulLisette · 30/07/2023 16:48

and it would give her unreasonable expectations about life

Ha, this really made me laugh! Let's break her spirit right away, shall we? Can't have the young folks thinking that there are actually nice people out there who will interact with service staff on a personal level and see them as fellow humans, can we? 😂

justasoul · 30/07/2023 16:50

YANBU to tip however much you want, OP and your ‘friend’ should mind her own business. Similar happened to me once, there were 8 of us, bill was £100+ so I was leaving 10% as is usual in my home country - friend said it was way too much, server was a teen and would be happy with a couple of quids. She picked up the tenner, gave it back to me and just left the pound coins, I was too new to the country and just thought it was not the done thing here, it took me years to figure out friend was actually just tight

nonamesavailable123 · 30/07/2023 16:50

My DD worked in restaurants from 16-18. Tips made her day. She was always a hard worker but people noticing made all the awful people a bit more worth it. She now works in retail (saving for uni), she still gets complimented on how smiley and helpful she is just doesn't get tips and a lot more nasty customers!

PurpleButterflyWings · 30/07/2023 16:56

Awww how nice of you @listsandbudgets Your friend sounds like a nobhead. Is she salty because SHE didn't think to give a tip? 😆

I'm not being ageist (towards older folk,) as I am an old gimmer myself, but I find young people in customer service (like under 30,) almost always helpful, friendly, well-mannered and polite, and eager to please.

I prefer younger GPs, and dentists, and doctors, and nurses, and surgeons, and opticians, and consultants too truth be told. (Like under 45.) #sorrynotsorry

Thisismynewusername1 · 30/07/2023 16:58

Having been there as a student you will have made her day.

it’s not just about the money, it’s about the ego boost of someone thinking so much of you/your work that they leave a generous tip.

i always ask if I they want a cash tip or card as well, as you never know how management distribute card tips.

Merryoldgoat · 30/07/2023 16:59

I have discovered it’s much easier to cut people like this out sooner rather than later.

They just suck the life out of you.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 30/07/2023 17:01

You are lovely whilst your friend is tight-fisted & awful

pinkflamingo83 · 30/07/2023 17:01

I've just turned 40 and can remember how thrilled I was to get a big tip like that when I was working waitressing jobs after I did my GCSEs. You are definitely not unreasonable and are very kind.....the issue is with your friend. Her reaction is about her, not you! x

RootbeerLolly · 30/07/2023 17:01

You taught her that putting in the effort reaps the rewards. I'm with you on this, OP.

newnamechangeforthisone · 30/07/2023 17:05

You friend sounds horrid! You did a lovely thing.

Butchyrestingface · 30/07/2023 17:09

@listsandbudgets

Was this young waitress really slim and/or pretty? Am wondering if your friend is merely a mean bitch as opposed to a JEALOUS mean bitch.

10HailMarys · 30/07/2023 17:13

Your friend was being obnoxious to suggest the waitress would spend the tip on ‘crap’. And anything between 10 and 20% is a totally normal tip.

Also, if it was your money, it’s none of your friend’s business what you choose to give as a tip. Even if the service had been shit, it would have been up to you to decide how much of your own money you wanted to spend. If she doesn’t agree with tipping, she doesn’t have to tip, but she can’t tell other people not to.

Years ago I went for a pub lunch with some colleagues and there was the usual faffing about who was paying what and I didn’t have change so I put in a £20 note or something, and someone said “Hang on, we’re £5 over - oh wait, HailMarys, you’re going to need change, aren’t you? Has anyone got any change for a note” so I said “Oh, don’t worry - just use the extra as a tip” and another colleague had a proper rant about the fact that we shouldn’t be tipping because she didn’t think the service was good enough. I pointed out that it wasn’t her money and if I wanted to tip, that was up to me, and she threw a proper strop about it. Cow.

DMLady · 30/07/2023 17:18

You sound much, much nicer than your friend, OP!

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