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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who have cleaners, nanny's etc

110 replies

W0MENclimb · 30/07/2023 13:52

I am happy for you to tell me iabu. I'm just trying to understand it. Just stayed at a friend's in another country where it's normal for white people to have cleaner, nanny etc and they are all black.
I felt so uncomfortable with it, I'd hate someone doing menial tasks for me, the fact that they are black felt worse for me.

I realise that some people think that they are doing them a favour because they need work but it just feels wrong to me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Yellowflower47 · 30/07/2023 20:20

ladyvivienne · 30/07/2023 20:17

When you go on holiday, do you all still pay your cleaner?

I just give mine a key and she lets herself in, so cleans when I’m on holiday (usually 4-5 times a year). It’s nice to come back to a clean house and fresh bedding!

Fancylike · 30/07/2023 20:20

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Lira715 · 30/07/2023 20:21

I used to live in Dubai and it’s very common to have a live in nanny.. our villa had an en suite “ maids room” designed for that purpose. I couldn’t stand the thought of having someone live there and wanted to raise my child myself .. the room had no windows and was at the back with the garage and laundry I’d have felt guilty to expect her to spend her time off in there, the rates of pay are very low too and they are expected to clean cook and look after the children in most cases.. villa also had 2 kitchens so staff cook in one and the other is for show when entertaining .. l loved that idea, although It was me cooking and being able to leave the mess until later. I did have a cleaner though and have continued with that since moving back to the uk.

isthismylifenow · 30/07/2023 20:24

ladyvivienne · 30/07/2023 20:17

When you go on holiday, do you all still pay your cleaner?

Yes of course. And she has annual leave as well for which she gets paid fully, plus double pay for December.

user1471453601 · 30/07/2023 20:30

I have a cleaner. I think of her as no different to me, when I was working. We both swapped our Labour for money, that's the capitalist way, for good or for bad.

her Labour is no more "demeaning" than mine was. It's a transaction .

Yes, I'd feel uncomfortable in a country where all the domestic carers were one colour, and all "other" workers were another. If "domestic" care was seen as less valuable than other work.

astarsheis · 30/07/2023 20:54

I have lived in four different countries where we had cleaners, nannies and drivers. We were not allowed to drive in two of them (company directive) and always had cleaners/nannies. Again...the company insisted on us employing them as it was part of job creation (their salaries were part of our expat package). All this countries had plenty of local people that also employed multiple staff. In Asian, African and ME countries it is very much the norm.

It enabled me to have maximum time for all the visitors, like you, when did come to visit and also to work full-time when I went back to work. My DC and us have always become quite close to our 'helpers' and we are still in touch with some of then now.

Back in the UK now and employ a cleaner. Why wouldn't I? I can afford it.
She is quite happy to get paid to do the 'menial' tasks that we can't be bothered or don't have the time to do.

No exploitation at any time!

Get your head out of you arse!

Flandango · 30/07/2023 22:05

ladyvivienne · 30/07/2023 20:17

When you go on holiday, do you all still pay your cleaner?

Yes, I pay my cleaner PAYE and have an employment contract that covers holiday, sickness, etc.

PeloMom · 30/07/2023 23:32

@ladyvivienne yes! She has a key to the house and does some deep clean etc that doesn’t get done during normal cleaning (we travel quite a bit so it’s not a matter of giving her a 3-4 weeks off).
during normal holiday such as Xmas etc she gets paid but doesn’t work and gets a bonus (bonus is at Xmas only though and some rare life events such as her kids graduating etc)

Goldenbear · 31/07/2023 09:28

AuntieJune · 30/07/2023 19:35

Get over yourself. Inequality doesn't stop existing just because you don't bring people into your house to do domestic work.

You still live in a world where factory workers, cleaners, bus drivers, etc etc are working class and disproportionately from ethnic minorities. If you're middle class, you have the privilege of benefitting from their work. Even if they're not in your house.

Next time you get a tube in London to your office and have a takeaway coffee on the way - there's a whole chain of people whose labour makes that possible.

If people do cleaning, childcare etc and are treated well and paid well - why is that a problem?

Tube Drivers are paid on average £55,000 a year and it is not comparable to cleaning a person or families mess up. It is disingenuous to say that it is. Given the chance, would a cleaner rather be a tube driver on £55,000 or clean a families toilet, I would say that many would prefer the former! It is nothing to do with men's and women"s work, driving a train is infinitely more interesting, not as laborious and is necessary for the infrastructure of the economy, unlike a cleaner for one house where ultimately anyone can clean, Surgeon, Stock Broker, Banker - who does it or doesn't do it has no impact on the economy in any way whatsoever. Arguably, it is good for people to be humbled by cleaning their own crap up, reminding them of their equal status to fellow human beings in society!

In the scenario the OP describes on particular, there is a power balance going on in a large number of house cleaner/employer scenarios that is not so weighted in one person's favour when someone works for a cafe for example or an organisation.

YaraRocks · 31/07/2023 19:14

Goldenbear · 31/07/2023 09:28

Tube Drivers are paid on average £55,000 a year and it is not comparable to cleaning a person or families mess up. It is disingenuous to say that it is. Given the chance, would a cleaner rather be a tube driver on £55,000 or clean a families toilet, I would say that many would prefer the former! It is nothing to do with men's and women"s work, driving a train is infinitely more interesting, not as laborious and is necessary for the infrastructure of the economy, unlike a cleaner for one house where ultimately anyone can clean, Surgeon, Stock Broker, Banker - who does it or doesn't do it has no impact on the economy in any way whatsoever. Arguably, it is good for people to be humbled by cleaning their own crap up, reminding them of their equal status to fellow human beings in society!

In the scenario the OP describes on particular, there is a power balance going on in a large number of house cleaner/employer scenarios that is not so weighted in one person's favour when someone works for a cafe for example or an organisation.

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Not the point of your post but FYI, tube drivers earn closer to £65K now than £55k 🙂

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