At my wits end

[thequeenofwingingit]

Posting for traffic.

Not sure what I'm hoping to gain from posting this - Advice/support/a sympathetic ear or maybe just to get it off my chest once and for all and stop living in denial of how I'm feeling on a daily basis.

I feel constantly full of rage. Irritated by absolutely everything. Overwhelmed by everything and anything. I find no joy in absolutely anything, totally unable to relax and enjoy anything. I feel constantly on edge with a never ending list of things that need to be done swirling around my brain that I find impossible to manage.

My life just feels like the total pits. 5 stone over weight, in debt, just about managing to make ends meet every month (only because of my hefty overdraft I keep maxing out!), no libido what so ever and haven't done for years so my relationship is stale as it feels like we are more room mates than partners, no self confidence or self esteem and a crap mum because I just feel constantly fucking overwhelmed all of the time.

What is wrong with me?! I'm literally at my wits end. I really want to try and make myself feel better and start to turn my life around but I can't muster up the strength to even begin to work out where to start because everything feels like it's in the gutter.

I hope there's atleast one person out there who understands 😭

I would definitely speak to your GP about your mental health, they can suggest things to help such as anti depressants and/or referring you to therapy. Therapy would really help, everyone's needs an outlet, someone impartial who can give a professional opinion. Things will get better, but you need help to get there.

What's your partner like? Is he working? Helpful? A good partner?

So the things you'd like to change are -

Finances
Weight/health
Relationship with partner
Role as mother

What is going wrong with each of these?
You might find that there's one of those things that is the root of everything and tackling that can create a ripple effect that helps you tackle everything else.

Which one of those would you tackle first?

I understand perfectly. Unfortunately, I’m not able to offer any help, as I can’t help myself either. However, I can reassure you that you’re not the only one.

You're not on your own, how old are you? Menopause has screwed me over.

28. So definitely not due to menopause. It's got to be a form of depression and anxiety but because I've lived with it for 4+ years now It's just become the norm to feel so horrid so i don't label it.

When you feel this way it's hard to rationalise what's the most important to begin trying to 'fix' first as all are equally as important as one another. My thoughts just race constantly it is horrible.

Yes to literally everything you've written.

Can we be friends?!

Abso bloody lutley!

Atleast I know I'm not an alien then and there's others who experience the same feelings as I do.

Sometimes it makes you think your the only person in the world suffering.

Sounds like you’ve spiralled in anxiety op. You are not alone. This was me about 10 years ago. Just existing because I had to because of the kids. I was completely overwhelmed and miserable, everything was utterly joyless. Then I felt guilty on top of that as I wasn’t enjoying my children and making the most out of everything.

Firstly, see your GP if you haven’t already. I was prescribed citalapram which really took the edge of things, shortly after taking them I felt less overwhelmed and a bit more in control, I could see a bit more clarity. If you don’t want to take meds you need to find a way to relax. Look into meditation and relaxing techniques. There are quite a few apps.

Secondly try and prioritise what you’d like to address first, it may be feeling more organised, working on your relationship etc. Hopefully you will feel a bit more able to rationalise and think more clearly.

Thirdly, you need to try and care less. I don’t mean about the important things, I mean about everyday annoyances. No milk in the fridge- ah well it’s not the end of the world, no clean socks, wear the same pair, no-one will know. You get what I mean, minor things can tip you over the edge. This comes with time.

Finally, and this maybe should have been the most important one. You must take care of yourself. You matter. Make time for what matters to you. Listen to a podcast in a relaxing bath, read a book, meet a friend for coffee etc.

I remember absolutely hating everyone and everything. In my experience it was sheer frustration of having to conform to be the perfect parent / wife / colleague etc. Putting myself under huge pressure to be seen as someone who was totally in control, spotless house, kid’s homework never late etc.

You will get there and over time you will learn to love yourself again. I’m now a very happy person. My life is far from perfect, but that’s ok because I’m happy with it. My marriage is happy, my children are happy. I no longer feel overwhelmed, I’ve learned to say ‘no’ (politely), I feel completely in control. I’ve learned to shrug on the chaotic or challenging days and immediately move on. It’s extremely liberating!

good luck

I also forgot to mention I was so angry one day I took it out on the mop. I was mopping my floor so violently it snapped. This of course made it worse as I couldn’t finish cleaning the floor.

Another time I was so enraged I took both of my mule slippers and banged them on the wooden floor repeatedly making as much noise as possible. I was on all fours for maximum effect (noise), I was truly demented.

At the time I just couldn’t process or rationalise the sheer rage I felt. I can of course laugh about this now 😂😂