To fart in hospital?

[Cucumber1234]

Im in hospital again after only coming home less than a week ago.

I have wind, which is actually a very good sign for my bowel health which is one of the reasons im in. The thing is, i dont want to be holding it in. Its not good for my condition. But id feel bad just farting as and when. Do i explain i have wind and apologise? Or do i say pardon me after every fart? Or do i try and muffle it some how?.

They dont smell, im by the window in a bay of six ladies but have no one next to me or across from me.

What would you do? Are you team farter/muffler/pardoner?

YANBU-Farter
YABU-Muffler/pardoner

Many years ago, a bloke I worked with was in the throes of a new relationship and he told me that when his girlfriend went to the loo in the morning when he stayed the night, he used that opportunity to let out all the built up wind he had by pulling the cheeks of his bum out as that way, they were silent.

Top tip from someone I will always remember for this alone.

Put the radio on if you feel a bit self conscious & sit up a bit as well so you burp.

Blow your nose to cover the noise or if you are in bed under the covers use your hand to separate your buttocks for a silent one

If they aren't smelly but you're self conscious then part your bum cheeks and let it out silently. If they are smelly there's not a lot you can do...

Fart to your hearts content. keeping it in is not good for you.

I’m on a ladies bay of 6. Everyone farts loudly, and half of them are doubly incontinent. The place just smells like arse and that’s normal for hospitals.

the fart noises become comical. Also I’m glad they are able to feel better after.

It’s not like my dad who intentionally farted in lifts as he left them & thought it was hilarious.

If paranoid, get some nice room spray (Aldi Jo Malone knock off type is nice) or perfume & spray when you trump - or others do.

People always say my bay smells good. I use Hugo Boss Femme perfume when smells are a bit gagging, which is frequent at the moment.

Hospitals are also v loud and many patients deaf. What you think is a loud fart probably doesn’t register.

also, just be reassured again, no one cares.

I don’t think it’s making fun of the elderly it’s the sad reality. If people cant make it to the loo then it’s a commode in the bay. Apparently safer but yes it feels really undignified.

Can't you do the thing where you spread your bum apart to fart silently?

Fart away!

To my mind, there are two places where farting is not only acceptable, but expected: toilets and hospitals. As they say in Frozen:🎶 let it go, let it go...🎶

Yanbu

I would announce it to the ward so they’re prepared.
Ladies, I have terrible wind so I am apologising in advance for any sounds that may happen…big smile. Done.

I’d issue a single apology to the whole bay along the lines of ‘sorry all, my meds are making me fart’ and then let her rip as and when needed. You won’t be the only one ‘brewing up a storm’ and the camaraderie may be therapeutic

I fart every time I go to the chiropractor. He only doesn’t care, as it’s often a by-product of being adjusted.

I thought if you couldn’t control a fart then you were supposed to cough at the same time.

I personally would go to the toilet and key it out.
Walking around actually helps you pass it and you don’t need to feel embarrassed by doing it on the ward.

But if you can’t get to the toilet or need to fart then go ahead.

I was overnight in hospital and ordered leek and potato soup for teatime meal, I thought it would be the easiest thing to eat.

If I went back in, that's not something I'd order again, the wind was constant.

Just fart under the covers if you're embarrassed It's a good sign your bowel is working and you'll be home sooner

I pooped. Hallelujah.

I pooped so much the ward ran out of commode liners and I think somewhere, possibly up to 3 miles away in any direction, my poor ravaged arsehole is dissolved in its own juices. May it rest in peace.

On a serious note: it was touch & go. I’m not out of the woods yet but have successfully avoided an illeostomy.

my top tips:

• dont leave it too long before seeking help. GPS see and deal with arseholes all day every day. Yours isn’t special. It’s just a piece of body that needs fixing. Their standard fare.
• movicol is a great first line cheap, safe easy to buy and easy to use Solution. Can get on nhs prescription or over the counter. Won’t hurt! Don’t stink. Won’t sting. Start low & build up to your chosen mr Whippy consistency
• guts love routine. You must take 10/15 mins poop time at the same time & re-train your body. Might take time but it works. Easy & no drugs.
• look at your diet
• get the gp involved. Get them to do some tests - high iron constipates you as will some low fibre diets. Some tweaks are simple but not always blindingly obvious.
• if things persist, look to get a disabled loo key, a few quid off eBay, allowing access to Many public loos usually locked (often locked to keep out drug users).
• try going to an allergen sensitivity test. Maybe you’ve got intolerances. Take answers with pinch of salt & use common sense & trial & error after (if safe)
• coeliac test a complicated one. Having the gene gives you predisposition to it but no confirmation you do have it ‘activated’. You’d need 12 weeks high gluten diet before blood tests & that would be impossible for many coeliacs. Plus the diagnosis wont change so don’t fixate on it.
• rub your belly so give it some movement. Comforting too. Move that poop along.
• a plug-in heat pad can warm & relax the muscles
• try keep stress levels down.
• prepare yourself emotionality if you get picolax or moviprep. You’ll need an empty house and a crate of baby wipes & sudocrem, followed by a teary email to their CEOs thanking them for saving the last molicule of asshole left begrudgingly attached to your bod…..oh wait….thatvdissolved too. May it rest in pieces along with a part of your soul & dignity.

having said that my gut is still f**d. But the routines above have saved it from perforating so that’s a win.

oh and the dietician says don’t eat high fibre foods, salad etc - they take water & energy from the gut. Try more chocolate,
, white rice. Gluten free pasta, chicken soup no veg (too much energy for gut to process).

Look at Ghrelin the hunger hormone too might help you get in sync with your tummy.

hope that helps.

my bowel obstruction is starting to clear but I can’t keep food in one way or the other for more than an hour so take advice & google it to see what resonates with you. This was all from hospital dietician but everyone is different. Hopefully gives some ideas to someone in the NPC (no poop club)?

There are worse things in hospital like the time I spent 7 days on total bed rest that is not allowed to get out of bed at all regardless. think bedpans 😳 I also suffer from IBS

Just fart away! Unless they are particularly loud or rancid smelling nobody will notice

It’s such a positive sign you are passing wind!!!

Just fart away seriously. Everyone farts even the king. I would - I have in your situation.

Just fart. It’s a really positive sign you are. Let your body do what it needs to

Just do it!

Absolutely do not say 'pardon'. That's just drawing attention to yourself and distracting / demanding attention from other people.