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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just want someone’s opinion on situation

11 replies

Ailatan · 30/07/2023 06:09

Hi all,

I just want an opinion on the situation to understand if I am being right to be upset or I am being childish.
I don’t have many friends due to the fact that I am moving a lot around the country with work and being introvert doesn’t help either :))))
I have this lovely friend that we know each other for years and getting on very well, when we met at New Year I did say to her that I would really love a day out for just us girls ( being on maternity leave I just wanted a day for myself) to go to London for an exhibition or museum then just to walk around city with the coffee and have a chat. She agreed that is great idea and we’ll definitely organise one. As time was passing I kept asking her when she has and available weekend, at which she told me that she is busy ( which I totally understand as life is busy) so I left her to come back to me with a suitable date, she also knew I will be away for the summer. Few weeks after I left Uk, I saw a post on Facebook her in London with another friend at which she was saying “ finally a day out for us girls” . I was gutted. Am I right to be upset or is a bit childish.

thank you all.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 30/07/2023 07:45

She’s not as good a friend as you thought then. I’d be cooling the friendship personally.

Totaly · 30/07/2023 07:47

I would also be disappointed in this post .
Have you spoken to her?

Whaleandsnail6 · 30/07/2023 08:05

Maybe she had already arranged the day out with her other friend before you asked? Could have been a long standing arrangement

MRex · 30/07/2023 08:18

It is reasonable to expect a relationship with your spouse to be exclusive. You can't ask that of a friend, she is entitled to have more than one friend. In fact if you were in a relationship with her, the over-the-top reaction you've had would be seen as controlling and concerning. You don't know when this day out was planned, she was clear that she's busy, this could be a much closer friend than you are, and even her post makes it clear that she isn't going out for the day regularly.

Perhaps she still wants to see you for that day out, or perhaps not and she finds you hard work, it's impossible to tell anything from her just having one day out. You'll definitely lose her as a friend if you take her to task for having a day out with a different mate though!

Original poster
Ailatan · 30/07/2023 08:28

Totaly · 30/07/2023 07:47

I would also be disappointed in this post .
Have you spoken to her?

I haven’t as I don’t know how to tell her without sounding desperate or jealous which I am not just feel a bit gutted and disappointed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ailatan · 30/07/2023 08:35

MRex · 30/07/2023 08:18

It is reasonable to expect a relationship with your spouse to be exclusive. You can't ask that of a friend, she is entitled to have more than one friend. In fact if you were in a relationship with her, the over-the-top reaction you've had would be seen as controlling and concerning. You don't know when this day out was planned, she was clear that she's busy, this could be a much closer friend than you are, and even her post makes it clear that she isn't going out for the day regularly.

Perhaps she still wants to see you for that day out, or perhaps not and she finds you hard work, it's impossible to tell anything from her just having one day out. You'll definitely lose her as a friend if you take her to task for having a day out with a different mate though!

I think you have misread my message, I am not controlling at all, she has lots of friends and this is perfect normal. At our conversation at new year, she has said that she would like us to spend more time together and catch up as we don’t see each other much at which I proposed that it would be really lovely to have a day out just 2 of us. I left her to choose the date and time to go out without pushing it or chasing. So how I am being controlling?

OP posts:
imaginationhasfailedme · 30/07/2023 08:45

I get it - the feeling of being left out or not being the one who's been thought about to have the fun time with. And then it leaves the feeling of being needy and unwanted! So, I get it.
However, be brave. Message her. 'Looked like such a fun time, god I need that! Send me your free dates. I'd really love to go to xxxx gallery/restaurant if you fancy!!x' Worst that happens is she doesn't reply in which case you're in no different position than you are now.

JenniferBarkley · 30/07/2023 09:03

Unless the three of you hang out together usually and they have left you out, I don't think it's fair to resent her for it. Although perfectly human to feel a bit envious! Besides, sounds like you weren't even in the country? Lives are busy, this may genuinely be the first chance she's had for ages.

Dombasle · 30/07/2023 09:08

It could be that the day out came up after you had left so therefore you would not have been included, hence her wording of 'finally a day out..'

Aprilx · 30/07/2023 14:27

It doesn’t sound like you and her are especially close and she is entitled to go out with other friends. Maybe it was as simple as this friend was more proactive about organising something than you have been or they just happened to be talking one day and a plan came about.

I really don’t think you can ask her about it, because as I say it doesn’t sound like you are especially close or regularly see each other, however perhaps you could suggest something specific again and if she is vague or uninterested then I would maybe take a step back.

Emmamoo89 · 30/07/2023 14:40

Try again at organising something and if she doesn't seem interested let her go.

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