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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to expect an apology

12 replies

Teddering3 · 30/07/2023 01:56

I have specialist riding lessons (think jousting, vaulting, sidesaddle etc - not regular riding). I was supposed to have a lesson this afternoon. The instructor lets me into the yard at one of the 12 (!) gates. For long and boring reasons we didn’t know which gate would be in use, so she told me she’d let me know which gate to meet at before the lesson.

She didn’t message me telling me which gate so I messaged her and got no reply. I called her and her phone rang with no answer. I drove around all of the gates which took about 40 minutes and wrote her a couple of WhatsApp messages and tried to call her as I went.

I then bumped into her partner who told me that there had been a power cut at the yard and that my instructor had driven to a restaurant nearby to charge her phone there because it has run out of power. Her partner also said that there was an issue with the horse and it probably wouldn’t be a good day for a riding lesson after all. I sent a WhatsApp message to my instructor saying I’d bumped into her partner who had updated me. I took my dog for a walk in the woods nearby, expecting that I’d get a call from the instructor while I was walking, but nothing. I actually saw that she went onto WhatsApp but she still didn’t contact me.

Obviously it’s the middle of the night, so I’m not expecting contact now, but AIBU to have expected a call with an apology this evening? I am tempted to cancel all future lessons but it’s a very specialist niche and it would be difficult to find another instructor. We have also become friends since I started lessons in March which also muddies the water a little, but I still think she should have contacted me and apologised. AIBU? Was her partner’s update “enough” that I knew my lesson was cancelled?

OP posts:
BlueKaftan · 30/07/2023 01:59

I would let it go. A power cut and poorly horse will have given her enough to deal with.

Teddering3 · 30/07/2023 02:04

The horse is not sick. He has not been ridden for a few days and wasn’t behaving, nothing terrible.

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 30/07/2023 02:04

Given that you're friends, and that her dp updated you, and that you told her this, I wouldn't be expecting an apology right now. But I would hope that when next you meet, she starts the conversation along the lines of, "Hey OP, great to see you again. Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened last time, hope it didn't piss you off too much..."

Aquamarine1029 · 30/07/2023 02:05

If it's a one off you really need to let this go. It sounds like everything was a clusterfuck.

HP89 · 30/07/2023 02:10

YANBU- I guess this is a business they are running and your are a paying customer? Not really acceptable. It is totally on them that the phone died and they are disorganised enough not to contact you/ not offer an apology! Very bad form that she was active on WhatsApp but didn’t contact you in this time!? Sounds like a circus, I’d push for a discount if you are still planning on going back there after this!

GrumpyPanda · 30/07/2023 02:21

I'd be more concerned about not getting a message before shlepping over there and wasting my time.

Teddering3 · 30/07/2023 15:12

I got somewhat of an apology this afternoon, a 1 line WhatsApp message “sorry I blew it”. I’m not really sure what to make of it all. I think I’m more a customer than a friend, but even if she thinks we’re more friends by now I think this is a weird message.

OP posts:
BibbleandSqwauk · 30/07/2023 15:16

It was a difficult day, lots going on. Why don't you just actually call her and arrange the next one instead of stewing over easy to misinterpret messages.v

GoodChat · 30/07/2023 15:19

Teddering3 · 30/07/2023 15:12

I got somewhat of an apology this afternoon, a 1 line WhatsApp message “sorry I blew it”. I’m not really sure what to make of it all. I think I’m more a customer than a friend, but even if she thinks we’re more friends by now I think this is a weird message.

Maybe she saw your thread?

billy1966 · 30/07/2023 15:21

Beware mudding the waters.

It gives a certain type the green light to dispense with basic courtesies, despite you paying them.

Poshjock · 30/07/2023 15:54

Her phone rang, didn't go straight to answerphone, which would suggest that it wasn't dead (assuming you called a number not a WhatsApp call). Her partner was present but didn't lend his phone or send a message - only by chance you bumped into him that you found out there was a problem. She had to go to a nearby restaurant because there was no vehicle between them that could have charged the phone? If that's the story, then I would be very dubious about it's veracity, coupled with the complete lack of apology or explanation (which should have happened as soon as she had "charge on her phone") then I would be very wary of the friendship part of this relationship going forward.

Olderandolder · 30/07/2023 15:58

Very strange!
But at least acceptance that there is an issue. You need more info.

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