To feel utterly heartbroken over a home.

[TryAgainAnotherDay]

Renting a house for 6 years. DDs first home. LL sent us a letter 18 months ago that he was selling, we went to buy however due to problem with ownership on sellers side and then increase in mortgage rates the sale fell through.

Nowhere at all to rent and anything that does come up is gone in a day. Only option left was shared ownership in a new build. Was reluctant that house had been pushed back a few times however sales rep assured us would be ready in September so we exchanged.

Had to move out of our home today to live with relatives for a month. Not ideal as will mean over an hour commute to work and then over an hour back, but manageable for a month.

Finished emptying the house and DD asked to see her bedroom, I took her to an empty room and broke down. Then I got an email from sales rep to say the completion date has been pushed back by at least 8 weeks. I'm distraught, it's going to be a nightmare with work and also mortgage offer expires in December if we go past that date either mortgage will cost us more then we can afford or we lose our deposite and become penniless.

Got to relatives house and DD is hysterical, she has been crying for 3 hours saying she wants to go home and nothing I do is soothing her, she is just pushing me away.

I'm heartbroken. DD is so unhappy, DH looks like he is about to go to the gallows and im just so worried we are going to end up homeless and penniless.

I have no idea what we are going to do, I've been so stupid.

Any advice on how to get DD settled would be very much appreciated

Today will be one of the most stressful days you will ever experience. Well done for almost getting through it.

make sure DD has had a nice face wash, a snack and brushed her teeth and pop her in bed. If she cries to sleep that’s okay. Tomorrow everything will look a little more bearable.

today you are all tired and overwhelmed- lean into it and go to bed if you can.

I feel for you. Was in a similar situation although the ‘limbo homeless’ period was relatively short. You feel extra crap at the moment because you’re drained from the move and DD is in bits. It’ll get better. You need to focus on trying to make the best of life, it’ll take all the ‘fake it till you make it’ energy you have and you need to ditch the guilt, you aren’t on the street. You and DD need to spend an hour online looking at local attractions and activities she will enjoy and make plans to do them. Amazing what a bit of fairground tat or a trip to the aquarium can do to distract little ones. This isn’t going to be easy OP, I’m not saying it will, but you will find the strength to put on that brave face and you’ll make this house purchase happen somehow. It’s a relatively short period of disruption, find ways to pad out life with small treats and excursions and once little lady is okay, you’ll feel okay too, that’s how it works.

It sounds very disappointing and emotional at the moment and I empathise with your despair, it is very difficult to go through big upheavals and disappointments and I imagine you're exhausted with the house-moving too. So, I think your feelings are understandable. But, I would also try to focus on a day at a time, and have hope for the future, it sounds like you have a real option to look forward to, it will take longer than you think to get there and it will be difficult, but the time will pass, and you have family support. Have you seen what stage the new build is at, and have you communicated your concerns about the timeline/mortgage deadline to them, and do they seem to care?

Thanks for the kind words and advice. The delay is to do with the council and changes being made to the highway so nothing thar can be done.

DD is only 2 so she really doesn't understand, she just knows she isn't at home and doesn't understand why

Re your mortgage, have you looked to see if you can get an extension? We bought new build last year and we got a mortgage offer that allowed for extensions for this reason. Was able to extend it for an extra 9 months in total. (Didn't actually help us in the end though, build took too long and we had to reapply anyway- sucked bigtime)

We have a clause that says if not complete for 6 months after the set completion date we can pull out without any repercussions.

DD just asked if we can go home in the morning. I have no idea what to say.

OP, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.Take DD to some places of her interest if you can, activities, do stuff with her. Don’t lie to her,you can’t come back to „her” house. It will get better but it’s hell dealing with inconsolable child.
Sometimes it’s impossible to reason with children as young as your DD. Tell her you’re sorry but she will have her own bedroom again (difficult without a date)

Sales rep is rat bag- at least twice pushed the dates. Pull out after 6 months without repercussions is a joke. I hope this is 6 months from the date you signed the papers.

Contact the mortgage provider and find out what your options are for extending the deal as at the moment you might not have the offer when the house is ready.

In the meantime start looking elsewhere-in a radius of whatever miles you’re able to cover commute.

Good luck

We had a house fire and had to leave for a year. We lived with relatives for a month (an hour commute to school) then had temporary rented accommodation which ended up lasting 10months. Now we have moved back. Ds managed it all fine. He handled it amazingly. Once your dd gets through first few days I'm sure it will be fine. Kids are pretty good at adapting. Just try to keep her routines where you can so she has some consistency.

I am so sorry, glad no one was hurt.

I know we will manage, we have to. I still feel really emotional this morning, probably as didn't sleep very well, DD ended up going to sleep around midnight.

Looked this morning to maybe going away for a few days next week but it's predicted rain for the week.

It sounds really stressful but beyond your control. Your child will take her lead from you and her dad. Fine to commiserate with how she feels, sad leaving the house etc but you are all waiting for the new house and show her how to cope and adapt while waiting.

What an upsetting day for you all. I an empathise we moved when our DS1 was just over two, we were upsizing andI think the size of the new home and seeing it without our things in was just too overwhelming for for him, he kept saying, .I like my old house, I want to go back to my old house. He settled very, quickly once we were settled there, so try not to worry it will be ok.

We stayed in that house for 18 years. When we downsized and relocated a couple of years ago he was the same, he just doesn’t like change.

My advice would be to get the toddlers bedroom looking nice, go to the local park, shops etc so she can get familiar with the new place. Before you know it the old home will be quickly forgotten.

Good luck with your move, sorry it hasn’t gone as smoothly as you hoped, but you will get there OP.

Can you go somewhere nice today to distract you all? There is nothing you can do practically today so go out and try to have some fun and take your mind away from this for a few hours

Sounds like you're doing an amazing job. Things do happen in life, show your dd that it's ok to feel upset and that there are positives. Ie her toys are family are with her, the good stuff about where she is now. She has an opportunity to build resilience.

Awww.. so sorry you are feeling this way OP. You r right in the thick of it at the moment and missing your home, but you will have a home again soon. Hang in there.

Your daughter will pick up her cues from you. So if you are sad and stressed about the move, she will be too. If you can, you need to turn things around - talk about how exciting the new adventure is. When she asks about going home, say in a v excited voice that you will soon have a new home and she will have the best ever bedroom and how it's all exciting! Talk about this temporary house stay as a holiday and how fun it is. It might be a bit late now as you've already shown you r sad. But if you can, try to turn it around. If you say, and show, it's all and adventures and v exciting, that's how your daughter will feel. If you says it's all terrible and cry, that's what your daughter will do. Fake great and cry in secret. 💐💐

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Why do you think you have been stupid? None of this is your fault, lovely.
I have been in a similar situation- a long drawn out one. I sympathise massively.
I thought my heart would break having to leave a greatly loved home for many years through no fault of my own.
I remember the stress of not knowing what on earth I was going to do and how it was affecting my dc's and my heart goes out to you.
All I can say is to keep routine as normal as possible, try to keep a brave face on around the children, and just believe it will work out. Keep your eyes open for every option around you in the meantime.
I can honestly say that as it turned out for us, in the long term it actually turned out to be a good thing and while my old home will always be special to me and hold so many memories, we are in a more suitable situation now.
Hang in there and trust that one day you will be on the other side of this, and your dd will be fine .

I'm sorry I have no advice for your situation with your DD. Our move was firstly at 11 months into our parents while the house was built and then into our new house at 22 months, so he probably didn't even notice.

Your pain is compounded by many things all happening at the same time. One pain to try to jettison is the mortgage difficulty.

"also mortgage offer expires in December if we go past that date either mortgage will cost us more then we can afford or we lose our deposite and become penniless"

Have you already checked to see if you can get a mortgage offer extension?

"We have a clause that says if not complete for 6 months after the set completion date we can pull out without any repercussions."

Would the 2 month delay push you past this?
Our long stop date was fast approaching and suddenly our house was ready just in the nick of time. Like 2 weeks before or something. (How interesting hmm builders?) I'm not sure if we would have wanted to pull out though given the time/emotional investment we'd put in. Also house prices and mortgage rates had risen in the meantime, and with the cost of storing our stuff, solicitors fees etc it didn't make much sense to start the whole process again. We loved the house so that helped us make our decision. We'd also been living with my parents for 10 months by this point, about 6 or 7 more than we were expecting when we exchanged, so we were very ready to move out.

Moving house is very stressful and every move brings it's own pain and challenges.
I can totally see how all this is hard especially as it wasn't you who wanted to move in the first place. Everything that is going wrong probably just makes you grieve for your old house more. Sending hugs, but you can get through this and nothing is your fault.

P.S Not having a mortgage offer in place while you have exchanged puts you in a very perilous position. I'm sure you know this, but this is why I think you need to start looking at the mortgage options as a priority.

Did you use a mortgage advisor? Could be a good idea to help reduce some of the stress?

You haven't been stupid, you have done really well. The part ownership of a house, will be a much more secure position, as you never have to worry about the landlord selling up, or being evicted for other reasons that are not your fault. A relative of mine made a similar move a couple of years ago, and is so happy to have security at last.
It is ridiculous that there are not a lot more of these arrangements on new houses, as it could help so many people.

I completely get why you are stressed and upset - our landlord has just given us a few months notice they intend to sell and with increased house prices and rents it looks like we’ll have to move out of our village. But your daughter is 2 years old - I suspect some of her stress has been picked up from your distress. Better to make a game of things for her - ie isn’t it fun we are going on a sleep over at relatives house and we can do X.

Make it exciting staying at granny's. She'll follow your lead, if you're sad and anxious she will be too. Tell her about her new house, that you can stay in forever and is being built specially for you.

Spot on. Focus on getting her sleeping space as close to home as possible - same bedding, toys etc. You have to model
positivity no matter how worried you are. Get the mortgage sorted out and start planning regarding the new house. Spin it as well as you can for her.

It's such a horrid position to be in. I can fully understand now why people are waiting to be forcefully evicted, there is just nowhere to go for many people.

Stupid of me to think I could buy a house.

I really feel for you. You have done the best with the hand you e been dealt. It will get better.