Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think why ask the question

21 replies

Maisemoo · 29/07/2023 12:11

So DP has a habit of asking me a question and then arguing my answer- example just now asked what bread I wanted so I said the blue one to which he replied but I bought green too and you haven’t tried it, so I said whatever then and he rants he was just asking and why can’t I give a straight answer. I did give a straight answer and said exactly what I wanted.
but this is with everything from what tv show to watch, what to have for dinner, what colour to paint etc etc and it’s starting to drive me mad- AIBU to say what ask a question if your going to argue and tell me the answer

OP posts:
merryhouse · 29/07/2023 13:09

YANBU.

I don't have any words of wisdom, I'm afraid.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2023 13:13

How long have you been with this man? I could not live my life with someone who picks arguments like this. How absolutely fucking tedious and dysfunctional.

pictoosh · 29/07/2023 13:15

So whatever you say you're always wrong. Suspect it comes from being argumentative and controlling.

pictoosh · 29/07/2023 13:16

You know, so you're always on the back foot.

Original poster
Maisemoo · 29/07/2023 13:17

Been together 6 years but it got worse in the last 6 months so it’s numerous times a day now. Like just stood in the garden round the corner with the puppy (toilet training)and he asked why and I replied it’s windy and this bit is more sheltered to be told it’s not windy

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2023 13:19

Ask yourself what's changed in the last six months. What else has changed about him? Are his other behaviours or patterns different? He's picking fights and being critical for a reason. It may be possible that he wants out of the relationship but is too cowardly, so is goading you to break it off.

pictoosh · 29/07/2023 13:19

Always has to know better. He likely gets a wee superior buzz from it.

ssd · 29/07/2023 13:21

I think men just get more crabbit and annoying as they get older

blueshoes · 29/07/2023 13:21

Why is he constantly picking a fight? Is there something that made him so angry lately. Is it just directed at you or others as well?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/07/2023 13:21

If dh did this, I'd just say "If you say so, dear", as patronisingly as I could, every time!

AnSolas · 29/07/2023 13:23

DP has a habit of asking me a question and then arguing my answer- example just now asked what bread I wanted so I said the blue one to which he replied but I bought green too and you haven’t tried it, so I said whatever then and he rants he was just asking and why can’t I give a straight answer. I did give a straight answer and said exactly what I wanted.

Replace said whatever then with the stock phrase what did I just say. Subsequent argument is so you did hear what I said subsequent to that it is so you did hear what I said the subject is closed here is a mirror go have a argument with him.

DojaPhat · 29/07/2023 13:25

Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2023 13:19

Ask yourself what's changed in the last six months. What else has changed about him? Are his other behaviours or patterns different? He's picking fights and being critical for a reason. It may be possible that he wants out of the relationship but is too cowardly, so is goading you to break it off.

I second this. If you're currently unsure play the waiting game and don't allow yourself to be drawn into these battles. If you mistakenly do just a simple followup response with "okay" will suffice. Soon all should be revealed.

CremeEggThief · 29/07/2023 13:27

YANBU.
My brother and son can be like this. It's exhausting!

ThreeLittleDots · 29/07/2023 13:28

"Why are you always getting at me lately, do you hate me?"

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 29/07/2023 13:31

Sounds bloody annoying! “Why are you asking me when you apparently already know the answer?”

Planetegg · 29/07/2023 14:49

Jeez. I would not be able to continue this long term. I think you need to have a serious think about if this is how you want to live, he’s constantly undermining your thoughts as well as actions!
I’m sorry, but what an arse!! 🤬
In the short term I would come up with some just as arsey responses or you could tell him you are fed up of been spoken down to all the time!

toochesterdraws · 29/07/2023 14:57

Sympathies OP, I've got one like that as well. He's always asking me questions and then disagreeing with the answer. It is wearisome.

5128gap · 29/07/2023 15:07

Because he doesn't want your opinion he wants your agreement. People like this always have a preferred answer in mind but for some reason need it to come from you. You need to either say you don't mind if you dont, and refuse to be drawn, or state your preference and stick to it. When he argues tell him there are no rights or wrongs when it comes to preferences so please get both.

unsync · 29/07/2023 16:34

How long have you had your puppy? Six months? Have you been diverting your attention from your husband to the puppy? Is your husband no longer the sole point of your focus? Do you think he might be punishing you for neglecting him? Is he one of "those" husbands?

truthhurts23 · 29/07/2023 16:36

hes trying to wear your confidence down

DinoMummsy · 29/07/2023 17:30

Yanbu, he sounds exhausting 😒

New posts on this thread. Refresh page