To consider having a child via sperm donor?

[TiredGem]

There's obviously so much more thought and complexity around this and I'm perfectly aware of the issues surrounding such; this is more to gauge a general idea of what people would do. My proper adult life didn't really start until I was around 30, due to various reasons (socially I mean). It's when I entered my first relationship, which lasted for 4 years. I'm now 35 and in a good position and would love to be a mother. I know people do have children older, but I do feel like I'm getting to that point, especially as I'm not even in a relationship. I am desperate to carry and have my own biological child. Is sperm donor conception something you'd have considered? Or would you really just accept if it's not going to happen, that's the way my life is. I obviously understand adoption exists but it definitely comes with plenty of extra struggles and I will admit, I'd love to be able to carry my own.

My very capable, single colleague (also aged 35) is doing exactly this. She has her own house, decent, but demanding job.
I believe she will be an excellent parent and any child of hers will be very lucky indeed.
If you are in a good position, I'd say go for it. It sounds like you'll be a better parent than many of the unhappy and unstable couples having children without proper consideration.

I wouldn’t have but having children was never the be all and end all for me. I changed my mind when I met DH. It was never part of my life’s plan as such but met him aged 30.

I would have never deliberately done it alone as I was raised in poverty and for economic reasons one wage will always be worse than two and just wouldn’t have wanted that risk. Plenty of people become single parents without choosing to but choosing or things occurring accidentally, it’s a huge mental difference.

It's ethically very questionable, but I can see why it's tempting if you really want a child. I'm on the fence.

I tried OP. Ultimately it didn’t work for me, but a good source of info is the Donor Conception Network.

I considered it when I was 35. I gave it a lot of thought but ultimately decided it was a decision I could not justify to a potential future child. I'm sad to have children but it is what it is.

Sorry, that should of course say I'm sad not to have children.

I think using a donor is more common than many realise. I know several people who have done it and have very happy families. In the UK you have to have counselling and be approved by the counsellor before using a donor if you go down the official route with a clinic because there are obvious implications to it.

A close colleague who I manage went down this route recently and she and her child are doing wonderfully well. It’s a privilege to support her at work through this phase of her life. I’m sure she would say that a strong support network is very important - she has her parents close at hand and they’re willing and able to help look after the baby. Her family are quite traditional so it was a surprise when she told them but a joyful one. It’s also good to have a supportive employer/manager- important generally but especially when you are sole-parenting.

I considered it after asking my gay male friends first, one of them considered it but his partner wasn't keen. In the end, as it says in the book Knock Yourself Up (reccommend),I went the route of dating against type and had children with someone who was keen to but whom really I wouldn't have picked otherwise. There have been pros and cons to this. Sometimes I wish I'd gone the donor route, sometimes I'm glad I didn't.
As long as you are open about it with the child, I think it can be okay. I was looking at a Danish company, have a Google.

I was considering this and came very close to going through with it. I found Cryos to be a good website.

Have you got a good support network? Someone who would take the child if anything happened to you?

Wish I had!!!

Going into knowing you are doing on your own sounds better than thinking you had a great partner/ dad to be then feeling lonely and alone.

I love love my child but wish I had gone through a donor rather than feeling I had a baby and man child to look after!

A colleague of mine has done this and everything seems to be going very well (the wee one is about two now), BUT she has a very well-paid job (director level), supportive employers, a terrific family network (her parents live nearby and are still physically very fit and active), a lot of bought-in help (nanny, cleaner etc).

These days there are plenty of adult donor conceived people on social media - spend some time watching/listening. Just be aware that the intense yearning you have for your own biological, genetically related child (very normal) could be how your child grows up feeling about their father. And don't forget that to you he's a donor, but to the child he's their biological father, and literally half of their DNA.

Ultimately nobody can make this choice for you

Good luck with whatever you choose

Why are you deliberating ?

I think that this method of child rearing will be much more common in the future.