As pathetically lame as it sounds, I woke up crying about this despite knowing it’s a relatively insignificant issue. So sorry for the length, it’s a catharsis.
I live in a medium to large sized village and our annual fete is today, I’m still planning to attend and show my support. It’s just that over recent weeks I seem to have become ostracised. I’ve never been particularly closely involved but I tried to drink in the pub regularly and always make conversation with people on walks etc.
Something must have happened and it must be something I did or it might be all in my head but people who used to talk or at least wave hello or smile at me have gone cold. It’s been ages since anyone local spoke to me, and some people I regularly chatted with have started crossing the park when I see me. We don’t even know one another’s names so really it’s nothing to get upset about but it feels horrible.
There was a WhatsApp group for helping with dog walking when owners were unwell or otherwise indisposed. My offer to cover a morning walk was accepted but on my way there, a few minutes early, I met a neighbour coming the other way with the very dogs I’d arranged to walk. They knew I would be on my way but collected the dogs fifteen minutes before I was due to arrive. It’s nothing again but I didn’t understand why they didn’t at least say something in the group. I haven’t had any notifications from it since, they must have set up a new one as I regularly see the group members out together. Sometimes one of the group smiles at me but she never says hello anymore even tho I always do.
I know small places can be like this and I do have some very good friends here who aren’t in the pub or walking cliques. I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. I lost two important people during lockdown and feel like I have reeked of loneliness ever since. How do I not dwell on this and go out with my head high? I don’t know whether to make eye contact or not, I feel so uncomfortable and awkward and it has put me off attending events like the fete alone.